Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

might be grim, but that's how we earn enough money to buy our second property in other parts of the country. Totally worth it.

Afternoons and evenings are busy with kids clubs and adults sports and hobbies anyway.

You just shouldn’t have mentioned the BBQ at all. It is rude to tell a host you have eaten before (the host implies something from this). Then you did not finish your plate. The host does not need to know the ins and outs of your business. Really a lesson in how to manage situations.

I think you were rude to eat so close to dinner. If I really wanted free food at the BBQ, I wouldn't have told them I had eaten it.

Why should they eat more?
Not everyone enjoys an overflowing plate and stuffing themselves silly.

I don't do breakfast,.so a small burger (and chips 😲) as a lunch - 2:30osh wouldn't be classed as late to us amd a regular sized meal at 6:30 would be more than sufficient.
6:30 as a rule would be too early for us, but we certainly wouldn't starve ourselves to keep our host happy.
Anyone that's 'slaving' all day over a meal with friends needs to get a grip!

Makes no sense. I eat a normal sized dinner and I don’t like feeling full before bed. If I ate at 8 and went to bed at 10 or 11, I’d still feel it on my stomach. That’s just how I’d feel. Other people are different. OP ate at 3, expecting to eat again at 7. That’s fine, she knows her own stomach and plenty of people are hungry 4 hours after eating. And she ate plenty of the food her friend gave her.

She’s done nothing wrong but people are losing their minds at how rude she’s been and then others getting in a state that anyone would serve dinner as “early” as 7.

All of it is a total non-event and the OP’s friend is precious and pathetic to be bothered by another human being using their own judgment and eating to their own appetite, then still enjoying friend’s dinner anyway. Literally nothing happened other than: human beings eat food they want to eat. What a news flash.

I’d chat to them about their day and did they enjoy the BBQ, how have they been, so good to see you guys again… etc. etc.

what makes sense is that it's rude to accept a diner invitation, and then decide to have a late lunch meaning you are too full to eat at diner. When you expect the diner to be even earlier than normal, when you know you'll be even less hungry, it's even more inconsiderate.

As it is rude to plate people's food.

Both rude. It's not that complicated is it.

You’re judging a different story. OP did eat dinner so it’s a total non event.

If she’d swanned in, burped loudly and said, “none for me thanks I’ve just come from a burger eating contest” with her gold medal swinging round her neck, then yeah… you’d have a point.

Woman eats burger for lunch and then most of a plate of curry for dinner? This is not a problem.

You knew they were cooking for you ...yes you were rude

What a load of shite.

Of course it’s not rude. Surely the most important thing is having a nice evening with your friends and not if you left a bit of dinner. My god there are some uptight people on here!

yes because they went for an afternoon bbq before the dinner thats why

YABU You have wasted their time preparing and the money they spent on that food.

I have no idea of their finances but I would be annoyed at food waste.

Had you not had food at the BBQ it is more likely that you would not have wasted their food.

You knew they were cooking for you. You still made that choice.

Absolutely this. The friend sounds controlling. The only way it’s an issue is if the OP turned up and declined to eat anything at all because she’d already eaten say an hour before. Absolutely cannot wrap my head around anyone being upset that someone didn’t clear their plate entirely.

She had 1 burger nearly 4 hours before dinner

“Going for an afternoon barbecue” suggests an event based around food and therefore eating a lot of food. But the op has very clearly said this was not the case.

People seem to be hung up on this bbq angle. The food doesn’t automatically increase because it’s served at a barbecue. It’s no different to the op getting peckish at home and having a light meal mid-afternoon. Which for many of us would not affect appetite four hours later.

Total non-issue.

For me if I ate a burger at 2.45pm I'd definitely be ready for dinner at 6.30pm but might not eat it all. If there's a large portion served a lot of people wouldn't be able to eat it all. My OH for example never eats much in one go even if he hasn't eaten for several hours

I'm here but I have just had a free BBQ, I know you've been cooking all day and it's really great, but the BBQ was really filling so I'm sure you'll understand that I can't eat much. Really rude, how would you have felt if you were the cook?

By the logic some posters are working on - eat as little as necessary as long ago as necessary to make sure you clear your plate - you’d have to check what the portion size is ahead of time and work back. Where does it stop?

Even if this was feasible, there’s no way I’d be going hungry all day to accommodate a particularly big plate of food. Turn up with an appetite, sure. But I’m not going to deny myself a light meal several hours earlier if I’m hungry at that point.

why? you chose to swelter over cooking curry, nobody made you do it.

Is that what the OP ACTUALLY said?

if the food hadn't been plated up there needn't have been any waste at all.

The op hadn’t ‘just’ had a bbq, the food wasn’t really filling and she ate most of what was provided by the friend.

Why do people keep misrepresenting what happened to make a point? Infuriating!

And?
I eat little and often. On many days I will have two lunches, I get hungry again very quickly but I can’t manage a huge plate of food, no matter how hungry I am.

I can’t abide all this “gosh, how rude” bollocks

They’re determined that it must be rude, so they have to act as if the OP gorged herself on burgers half an hour before going to her friends house, then pushed the food around her plate for a bit before throwing it all in the bin.

So rude! No wonder your friend was annoyed.