Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

Such a weird thing that this poster is doubling down about

The poster I was replying to raised a bet. I was wondering what I would win.

mainy for me because id consider it rude and a sign of being ungratefull of the effort the friend went to to buy the food, time cooking, etc and then in the mean time im at a bbq eating already etc thats why i think its rude

I’m baffled by the people saying 6.30 is really early for eating dinner, especially if kids are not eating! I hate eating late. Eating at eg 7.30 or 8 pm would almost certainly mean going to bed full and sleeping poorly or having indigestion. Going to bed with a full tummy is horrible. Is it really the norm to eat so late? We normally eat about 6.30, but if I could choose, I’d eat more like 5.30.

and why is playing you so bad? I never do it cos never have people round for dinner. But if you go to a restaurant it’s played up for you. Don’t get why it’s bad. Some meals lend themselves to self-service, but others not so much.

but wrt op, weird to eat burger so late, weird to mention it, weird of your friend to mention it. And by text? Even er. Does no one just talk anymore?

So true 😂

This one has been pretty wild though, even for MN standards. Who’d have thought when people eat lunch (or dinner) could be so contentious.

You are both unreasonable

We’re all different, but for me a burger really fills me up. Even if I ate that 12/1pm I would then be able to manage a big dinner in the evening too, just something light like a salad.
So yes, personally I’d be a bit pissed off/upset if I’d put the effort into cooking for friends for them to turn up having recently had a bbq. Having said that, I do usually (although depends what it is) let friends plate their own meals so they can pick portion sizes.

6.30 is more of a family meal timefor us, at home I do dinner for about 6.30/7. If I was going out without children I would expect to eat later, if I was booking a restaurant I might book for 7-8 depending on various things so would probably expect to eat at least 30 mins after that. If I was going to a friend's house or having them round for dinner I would expect drinks and conversations first so even if I got there at 6 I wouldn't expect to eat until at least 7.30.
In a restaurant they plate your meal because it is a business and that is the portion you pay for, if you want more you can order sides, no one complains or takes it personally if you don't clear your plate. At home I plate it up if it is just the 3 of us, but put it in serving dishes if I have a guest. It is more welcoming, it allows people to eat what they want and stops waste.

The OP's friend chose to plate dinner, that is fine if it works for her, but having plated the food she was rude and very odd to complain it wasn't finished.

What kind of maniac serves dinner at 6.30pm anyway? Only toddlers eat at that time.

Im with your friend on this one.
she went through the trouble of cooking a nice meal for you, and you had BBQ food before hand? Not on.

Lol you are funny. We went to friends on Saturday night - they had already finished off the first bottle of wine before we got there.

Plenty of people drink at different speeds or different times. Weird to be so absolutist about it.

Correlation does not equal causation. Depending on the portion size, left overs could’ve always been a possibility. Even if I ate nothing all day, there’s only so much I can eat in one go.

Do you not eat all day before being invited to a dinner?

Agreed re finishing off food if plated. There’s only so much you can eat in 1 go.
although we always had to clear our plates so I still find it very difficult to leave anything. I’ll give it down even when not wanted. Thank goodness for the dogs. They are so helpful.

Clearly I’m a toddler.

DHs grown up kids have form for this, knowing we are doing a bbq at and waking up hungover at 3 and chowing down to help the hangover then pitching up and not eating much. It irks me.

Personally I'd then be hungry at 6.30pm so I'd eat a normal sized dinner. Sounds like she gave you too much so to eat 70% of it is fine. She's probably used to everyone having to eat all their main course or no pudding!

true, and fair points

The number of people saying “only toddlers eat at half 6” is really mind blowing. Depends on your lifestyle. My 3 year old eats at 4:30 and I happily eat my dinner then too or at least before 6. I digest sloooowly and I would hate to eat at 8pm and still feel it on my stomach going to bed. Would keep me awake.

Fascinating how much it’s pissing people off that OP’s friends served dinner at a very normal time of night.

Well, where I live the shops shut at 5, Gp at 5.30 or 6, there is little commuting and certainly not for hours, and nearly everyone I know has tea/dinner between 5.30 and 6.30, leaving their evenings free for walking, horses, reading, hobbies, activities with kids.
Much nicer lifestyle than sitting (or having to stand) on a packed smelly commuter train for an hour and a half. Grim.

Well maybe if it was an hour before and you rock up and say “no thanks pal, I’m stuffed”. But OP and husband were hungry enough to eat most of their food and their friend got pissy because they didn’t clear their plate.

OP’s mistake was mentioning the BBQ. Her friend clearly can’t manage “that sounds fab, what a nice day out”. She’s got to be a diva about it when, if they hadn’t mentioned it, her friend would be non the wiser and would never have remarked on them not clearing their plates. Because that is actually the rude thing to do. Who comments on how much someone eats when you serve them? She shouldn’t even be plating up for them. No one knows anyone else’s appetite.

I really hate the expectation that you must finish your food. Especially if someone else serves it for you, and they’ve determined the amount.

But I wouldn’t eat at a bbq mid afternoon if my friend was cooking me dinner.

Disagree with majority of posters here.

You had lunch, and then ate 70% of the generous portion your friend gave you.

You're not a child, so don't need a "telling off". I have friends with all sorts of appetites... Some eat half of what's on offer, others go back for seconds.

It's wasted energy taking offence at the eating habits of adults.

If my friend turned up for a pre-planned dinner, and cheerfully announced they'd had a mid-afternoon burger at 2:45pm and that her DH had had the same, PLUS chips. While I'd been at home on the hottest day of the year, cooking a lovely meal for them? Then yeah, I'd be annoyed as well.

this was my thinking too, however i may have mis worded my views but this is what i was trying to say

Who's pissed off?

People are just pointing out that it's VERY early for most people. If you expected that your friend would serve you food at 7 (again earlier than most), it's bizarre to decide to have lunch at 3pm. Not everyone must have a massive diner that will keep them feeling so full for the next 10 hours they can't go to bed.

If I eat a burger at 3, I am not hungry at 6 or 7.

Just because some posters translate that as "starving yourself" all day, doesn't mean either the friend or the OP are reasonable. Both rude frankly.