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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

304 replies

HattieD · 23/06/2025 18:24

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 23/06/2025 18:48

Of course YABU but I suspect this is one of these threads where regardless of opinions, you’ll argue and insist you were in the right.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 23/06/2025 18:48

If you took food from serving bowls & didn't finish it, that was extremely rude.

But it sounds like she gave you a plate of food - so no cause for complaint from her.

You're adults, you decide how much to put on your plates,

NattyFox · 23/06/2025 18:48

Depends really if it was one burger closer to 2pm or a huge plate of food closer to 5pm. Personally I wouldn't text a friend afterwards though to have a go about this.

OnionsNotBunions · 23/06/2025 18:49

I’d have been really pissed off with you OP.

Going to the trouble of cooking for people and finding out they’d previously eaten would leave me most aggrieved and feeling that the food you did eat was consumed under sufferance.

Magenta82 · 23/06/2025 18:50

I always think it is a bit weird when people serve dinner on a plate for guests rather than let them serve themselves, how do they know how much someone else will want to eat?
But to then get upset that the other person doesn't finish the pre-plated portion is bizarre.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/06/2025 18:50

You said you left 30% of your dinner in the opening post. That's not a small amount.

Why did you even go to the BBQ knowing you were going out to eat?

Spies · 23/06/2025 18:50

BeenThereBackThen · 23/06/2025 18:47

It’s a weird thing for your friend to comment on and even weirder to get upset about it when you complimented her (did you? I assume so) and ate 70% of generous portion. And yes, had you not mentioned you ate some bbq at the pub, she would be non the wiser. And it wouldn’t be an issue.

I think policing how much other ppl eat is rude, for all she knows you might be on a diet and not want to talk about it or draw attention to it.

It’s a non issue and who knows why she got upset about it, perhaps she’s a feeder?

Why is it weird for the friend to comment on it? The OP was coming over specifically for dinner so surely it's weirder to not comment on the fact her friend ate before coming over to eat?

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2025 18:51

HattieD · 23/06/2025 18:41

I had a burger at about 2.45, DH a burger and some chips. I just don’t see it being an issue if we’d left that small amount normally

Because there's a clear link about the free food you chose to eat a few hours before going to hers, and how hungry you were at hers.

I can understand if you had breakfast at 7 you'd need to eat again before hers, but I'd have had lunch before going to the pub and then not eaten at the pub. That way you'd have had a more than 3 hours between meals

gingercat02 · 23/06/2025 18:52

I would have been cross you had eaten a bbq at late lunchtime but also 6:30 is too early for an adult only meal. I would have had a light lunch at 12-1, expect to turn up 6:30-7 and eat at around 8

Bologneselove · 23/06/2025 18:52

You was rude to eat such a late lunch when you knew you’d been invited out of evening meal. Most people wouldn’t eat a big meal just a few hours after eating a meal. Unfair on your friend. I’d be annoyed too. Doubt she’ll invite you again.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/06/2025 18:52

I wouldn't have eaten so much so late, having said that eating 70% of a large meal is reasonable to me.

yellowroof · 23/06/2025 18:52

If it was a lovely, substantial meal, she might have been cooking all afternoon. I you’d turned up to mine having had BBQ a few hours before, I’d be pretty miffed too.

nocoolnamesleft · 23/06/2025 18:53

You were indeed rude to eat so late when you knew your friends were cooking for you. And even ruder to mention it.

Lifestooshort71 · 23/06/2025 18:53

BeenThereBackThen · 23/06/2025 18:47

It’s a weird thing for your friend to comment on and even weirder to get upset about it when you complimented her (did you? I assume so) and ate 70% of generous portion. And yes, had you not mentioned you ate some bbq at the pub, she would be non the wiser. And it wouldn’t be an issue.

I think policing how much other ppl eat is rude, for all she knows you might be on a diet and not want to talk about it or draw attention to it.

It’s a non issue and who knows why she got upset about it, perhaps she’s a feeder?

'She got upset about it' because she'd cooked a meal for a couple who decided to have burger and chips for a late lunch in advance! And being pissed off when you've cooked a meal for someone who's already eaten does not make you a feeder. Very rude but they probably won't be invited back.

Straightomyhead · 23/06/2025 18:56

I hate it when people serve me meals and plate it up for me as I just don’t eat that much before I am full. My MIL did this the first few times I met her and always commented on it. My DP was raised in a house where you eat everything on your plate when I was raised in you eat when you want to eat. Im
not a competitive undereater, I just prefer smaller meals and a few snacks.

I would be quite upset to get this message after being at someone’s house. I would ignore all the BBQ stuff as you can control what you eat and when and only you know if you ate too much at the BBQ or if they served you too much.

AffIt · 23/06/2025 18:57

I'm Team Friend here, mostly because I have a mate who has form for this and I'm starting to get a bit annoyed about it, given that I've gone to the trouble of the time and expense of hosting people (although I always allow people to serve themselves, rather than plating).

If I'm eating out in the evening, I'll have a big breakfast or late brunch: turning up at my host's house and saying I'm too full to eat is rude.

OoohYes · 23/06/2025 18:57

My awful SIL does this- arrives at an event on our side of the family announcing that they’ve all eaten and then sitting there was a face on poking at a tiny amount of food but not eating it, usually with coats still on.

By brother is the dickhead who goes along with it.

Eating before going to someone’s house for a planned meal is rude.

TinyTempest · 23/06/2025 19:05

Not only was it rude, but you were very rude to mention it.

No reason why you needed to tell them you'd nipped down the pub and eaten prior to arriving.

Eldermileniummam · 23/06/2025 19:05

Yes she's annoyed you ate at the pub when you knew she was cooking you dinner and yes you could have just not told we that but you were still rude to do it. Some people have no common sense and manners!

honeylulu · 23/06/2025 19:07

Yes the BBQ was a very bad idea.

We used to have a friend couple who would come to stay Saturday night, arrive in the afternoon, have dinner (cooked by me) then stay over. The woman of the couple would always suggest we went to the pub for a couple of drinks and a catch up before dinner. Fine with us but she'd then hoover down packets of crisps and nuts saying she was "starving". Then when we got back to the house she'd ask for dinner to be delayed a couple of hours as she was "bloated". Maddening.

I must add that when the late dinner was served up, she did eat plenty, so it wasn't that she was dreading my cooking 😂

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 23/06/2025 19:10

"Some people have no common sense and manners!"

Quite. Silly & rude for friend to give a large plate of food to people & then complain they couldn't eat it.

Also rather silly to serve dinner @ 18.30.

LAMPS1 · 23/06/2025 19:10

Whether you ate at the BBQ or not, it is rude of a host to comment on how much you ate.

If you expressed your sincere thanks and pleasure at eating her food, if your table manners were the best, if you didn’t take food from a serving dish and then not eat it, if you took a gift for your hosts , if you didn’t over eat or over drink, if you were polite and complimentary, then I think you were good guests and she shouldn’t have commented.

Part of being a good host is to make sure your guests are comfortable with no pressure on them to eat what they can’t manage or don’t enjoy.

She was entitled to think what she liked about you having eaten just hours before her meal, but not entitled to make you feel uncomfortable with her criticism about it. She should put it down to experience and either not invite you again or adjust her catering efforts down to match your appetite for next time.

Toilichte · 23/06/2025 19:13

I don’t think the difference between her serving dinner at 6:30 versus 7:00 really had a massive impact on how much you were able to eat.

By commenting on her portion size you’ve made the suggestion that she is the unreasonable one, rather than it being you for snaffling a burger straight before!

NovemberMorn · 23/06/2025 19:13

I think you are both wrong.
You, for eating a burger a couple of hours before you were going to your friend's house, knowing she was preparing a meal for you.

Her for actually commenting on how much you had not eaten. Though, I do understand why she was pissed off with you both.

ThreenagerCentral · 23/06/2025 19:14

I’d be really annoyed if I spent time cooking for someone and the event was literally a dinner and they ate before they came. I probably wouldn’t say anything, but I’d never invite you again.