Friend pissed off I didn’t eat all of the dinner she made me

[HattieD]

Can I ask if you think I was unreasonable? We (my husband and I) had a dinner at my friends (and her husbands) house on Saturday. They weren’t free in the day, so prior to this, we went to an event at a local pub. This was from 2-5, and they had a free BBQ which we had a bite to eat from.

We’d told our friends about the event and the free BBQ being an added bonus. Dinner was served about 6.30 (earlier than we’d usually eat but no issue) and our friend had made a lovely but substantial meal. I gave it a good go, and probably ate about 70% of it, with DH eating slightly more of his.

On Sunday, my friend messaged to say she thought it was rude we ate at the pub and that we left ‘so much’ of our dinner. I reiterated how much we enjoyed the food and said that it was a very generous portion.

I just think that if we hadn’t mentioned the BBQ, she’d have been none the wiser and probably wouldn’t have said anything about the decent amount of food we ate?

what exactly was rude?

I do too. Regardless of where I eat I prefer to choose my portion size and nit be made to feel bad that I'm not eating more.

I'm not the OPs friend, and where did I mention curry...?

But oohhh... let me see. Perhaps OPs friend thought it would be nice to have her friends round for dinner? Perhaps she thought it would be nice to cook a meal for them?
But I stand by OP and her husband both behaving thoughtlessly, by having a burger and chips mid-afternoon, knowing her friend was hosting dinner for them, and had presumably put time, effort and expense into doing so. Not to mention the food waste afterwards.
I mean, yes, perhaps the friend over-catered and over-served, but that doesn't remove OPs thoughtlessness.

If you are invited for lunch by a friend to be served at 12, would most people have a full English at 9am?

I bet most people wouldn't. A few of the terminally-starving MN posters would, plus bacon roll at 10 or 11 of course but most people in real life?

you were putting yourself in the place of the person who told her off who did cook a curry and then plated it up (who plates up curry?) I stand by my comment of "no plate up, no food waste"

The OP had nearly 4 hours between meals and didn’t eat a full English so this is a weird comparison

I love when posters nit-pick trying to pretend they don't understand my point 😂

Or maybe they really don't, who knows.

If I was invited round for lunch at 12 I would wonder what was going on, that is a crazy early time to eat, not even my grandparents would have done that. Not even kids eat that early, my lunch hour at school in the mid/late 90s was 1-2.

The OP didn't have a full English she has explained many times that she had a standard bbq burger.

There is only so much someone can eat in one go whether they had lunch or not. It was dinner with friends not Man vs Food.

If the friend had allowed fully grown adults to serve their own portion according to their own requirements there would have been no waste she could have frozen the left overs.

The friend told off OP like a naughty child who didn't finish her meal even though there are starving children in Africa. That was rude.

And what's wrong with plating up a curry?

Jesus, some people will go to incredible lengths to cling onto their point.

Plate up all you like but you don’t know how hungry your guest is so you’re pathetic to be offended if they don’t eat it all.

Your point is you wouldn’t eat too much at 9 before a lunch invite at 12.

The OP’s meals were further apart than this and her first meal was much smaller so your comparison is bollocks.

She obviously was hungry enough for dinner because she ate most of it. Fuck me, in Japan it’s expected that you leave 20% of the food on your plate. OP is ever so rude because she didn’t lick clean the plate that someone else decided was the amount she absolutely must eat?

Fuck. That.

That good enough for you?

I think you were a bit U for eating before going to your friend's house for a meal she'd spent time preparing and then mentioning it so it looked as if you were full because you'd already eaten. In friend's position I'd be a bit pissed off with that probably.

It's good enough for me. I often eat dinner around 6.30pm and always need some food in the afternoon to keep me going. I've just had a large double chocolate muffin. But if a free burger was offered I'd be all over that instead. And I'd eat a decent sized portion of dinner later too. Let's say around 68-72% of it 😊

Me too, a random pointless argument fair cheers up a boring Tuesday afternoon 😂

You extrapolating YOUR routine to say “most people” is, as Zoe said, very arrogant. You can’t possibly know what most people do, either in your town, county or country. You can only say what people you know do. As do we all.

Nope. Or I know many full grown toddlers then.

I don’t need to buy a second property to live a lovely life, so who is winning here really? 😄

Personally I would probably have been able to eat a small burger at 2:45 and still been able to eat a good dinner at 6:30, but maybe that's just me! You shouldn't have assumed the time at which you'd be served, and would half an hour really have made much of a difference anyway? If you know that you're the kind of person for whom a small burger at 2:45 would make it more difficult to eat dinner you shouldn't have had it, because I think it did come across as rude. You certainly shouldn't have mentioned that you'd eaten recently. I also think your friend was rude too for pulling you up on it. That's not good hosting. So I think there's blame to go all around.

For the people who wonder why a host might plate up a meal individually, some meals, depending on the recipe, can't really be served family style. If, for example, it's a chicken breast on a bed of something with a sauce on top, that wouldn't be the same served family style.

Bloody love it. I’m so invested.

I’m really enjoying the current spat between the one poster who thinks the whole of the country should live like her sleepy wee village does where everything shuts at 5 (so does mine but it’s obviously not the case for most of the fecking country!) and the other poster who’s like “reality check, bitch!” Now they’re arguing about affording a second property by commuting to work and the other is all “I don’t need a second property to live a happy life.”

I’ve never watched reality tv and don’t get the appeal. This is my reality tv!

6pm is absolutely way too early for dinner. Avg times that I know for everyone is 7.30 - 8pm.

No because if you are having something at 12pm then this is Brunch.

The meal in question was chicken curry plus trimmings, it can absolutely be served family style.

Yes, I know, but I wasn't speaking specifically about this meal. Before the OP said what the meal was, other posters were commenting, horrified, that the host plated the meal up herself. I would think it would be pretty common in a dinner party situation (if not in this case) for a meal to be more suitable for individual plating than family style.

Eating lunch at 2:45pm is perfectly fine when you are going to dinner at 6:30pm. We always have people serve themselves so they can have the portion size that’s right for them. Including seconds and thirds! I’d never be offended if someone didn’t eat a large portion.

I know someone who won’t eat olives, so picked them out and put them on a side plate the first time she came to ours (had I known she didn’t like olives, I would have made something different!). Someone else who doesn’t eat potatoes. I still sometimes serve potatoes and she just doesn’t put them on her plate. It’s fine. They’re guests. I’m happy for them to eat and drink as they like.

Even if I wasn’t happy with how much food someone didn’t or didn’t eat at my house, I’d never point that out to them. It’s rude.

Either way, complaining that someone ate most of their dinner and left some is bloody shitty behaviour. It’s her friend who is rude, not OP.