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Original poster

DS accused of assault

213 replies

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 14:53

Please be gentle as I am in pieces. Basically I was informed by school yesterday they are investigating a serious assault against a Y7 boy. DS was alleged to have been involved, DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy. In the meeting DS came across as sullen and shifty which the school have pointed out doesn't help his case. The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Without going into details, I am beyond horrified and I feel for the victim. I am 95% sure DS isn't capable of this, he is not a cruel boy but I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment. Why didn't DS tell me at the time? Could be be capable of this? Am I deluding myself? I spent ages pleading with DS to just tell the truth, asking if he was scared, saying I will stand by him whatever but he denies, denies, denies.

I desperately want to support him but can see he is not telling me everything. Police and being expelled have been mentioned
The school are continuing their investigation, meanwhile I am in bits fearing for his future. I can barely look at DS but how can I support him?
Posted in Aibu for traffic

OP posts:
Poopeepoopee · 21/06/2025 14:58

The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Well, the first thing that has to be ascertained is whether or not your DS did attack him. Because if he didn't this is all over. Why doesn't the victim know who did it? Thats very odd. You need to get to the bottom of that first.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 21/06/2025 14:58

It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t the one who assaulted him - if he was there and it’s at the level of a criminal conviction then he can be arrested under joint enterprise.

he might not have done it, but if he didn’t stop it then legally it amounts to the same thing.

I would support him by a) trying to find another school b) trying to explain what his life will look like with a serious criminal conviction (no more trips to America for you son, no jobs involving a DSB check etc etc)

LancashireButterPie · 21/06/2025 15:03

"But I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment".

Oh Lord, you think he was involved?

Best thing you can do is calmly go along with the investigation, don't try to cover for him. At his age he needs to know that actions have consequences. Be guided by the police.

Hankunamatata · 21/06/2025 15:04

So if he didn't take part he obviously knows who did.
Id calmly talk to him and ask him for complete honesty.

RichHolidayPoorHoliday · 21/06/2025 15:07

DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy.

I'd be having a very long conversation to know details. Even if he wasn't there, WHY was the other boy being assaulted? Why did the witness let it happen, why didn't they grab an adult?

"serious assault" means nothing, I would first ask for the actual story.

LancashireButterPie · 21/06/2025 15:07

The youth who attacked our 12 year old son a few years ago (homophobic attack), Was expelled from school and his family moved out of the area. He now has a criminal record.
Neither he, nor his family (parents a vicar and a teacher) ever apologised.
So a heartfelt apology (if he is found guilty) would be a start.

Jabberwok · 21/06/2025 15:11

Sadly young men fight. If your son was sullen and shifty, clearly he was fully involved. I would sit him down and explain calmly what may well happen 're the police/criminal conviction, etc.

I would explain the Billy the Kid problem he might just have caused himself...that is getting a reputation as a 'hard man' will lead to others who want that rep to come looking for him.

Someone asked how the other kid didn't know who attacked him, he could have been hit from behind and covered up or does know and is scared to say as it may lead to.another attack.

JustPinkFinch · 21/06/2025 15:12

Poopeepoopee · 21/06/2025 14:58

The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Well, the first thing that has to be ascertained is whether or not your DS did attack him. Because if he didn't this is all over. Why doesn't the victim know who did it? Thats very odd. You need to get to the bottom of that first.

Attacked from behind as he tried to run away from a gang of bullies? Hit over the head? Many reasons why he may not be sure.

Frostynoman · 21/06/2025 15:12

Sounds like he might need a psychologist or professional input to tease this out. Sounds horrendous and I hope that the child who was attacked is okay. I imagine a weapon was used instead of fists? If not it’ll be as simple as checking him and his knuckles for bruising etc but it sounds like there is a deeper issue that needs addressing regardless

RichHolidayPoorHoliday · 21/06/2025 15:13

JustPinkFinch · 21/06/2025 15:12

Attacked from behind as he tried to run away from a gang of bullies? Hit over the head? Many reasons why he may not be sure.

Show quote history

maybe he genuinely doesn't know
maybe he's actually scared of telling the truth - rightly or wrongly

The whole thing needs a lot of explaining from the OP's son before deciding on anything else.

RichHolidayPoorHoliday · 21/06/2025 15:15

Frostynoman · 21/06/2025 15:12

Sounds like he might need a psychologist or professional input to tease this out. Sounds horrendous and I hope that the child who was attacked is okay. I imagine a weapon was used instead of fists? If not it’ll be as simple as checking him and his knuckles for bruising etc but it sounds like there is a deeper issue that needs addressing regardless

are you always that dramatic?

Original poster
Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

OP posts:
FuckityFux · 21/06/2025 15:18

I’d lay odds that the victim definitely knows who attacked him, but is probably too terrified of the repercussions if he tells. Poor kid.

My DS was attacked and bullied by some kids at school when he was 14. He wouldn’t tell me or his teachers who any of the perpetrators were until about a year later when I mentioned inviting an old friend and her son over for tea during the school holidays and DS went ballistic. Turns out her little shit was the gang leader. Luckily, after I spoke to my friend and told her what her son had done, she was appalled and read him the riot act and he later apologised to DS. Thankfully, DS was left alone by the bullies after that.

Your son is clearly involved in some way, even if it’s just as a bystander egging on the others. You have to come down very hard if there’s any hope of redemption, otherwise he’s going to carry on with his thuggish ways and get into even more serious trouble in the future.

I agree with others that moving him to another school might be a good option to separate him from the other gang members.

Rewis · 21/06/2025 15:20

He was there so he knows who did it, but refuses tell? He's not doing himself any favours. Also being there can mean a lot of things. He just stood there? He was cheering on the assaulter? He tripped the boy but someone else did the worst damage?

SilviaSnuffleBum · 21/06/2025 15:21

Failing to see how multiple children piling on top of another child is a fucking 'joke'.
Don't fall into the trap of minimising the incident/your son's involvement.

ToClimb · 21/06/2025 15:21

Whatever you do, do not let him speak to the police either at your house or without legal representation. I cannot stress how important this is. I work in this field.

FuckityFux · 21/06/2025 15:21

FFS, I hope you haven’t accepted his lame explanation of it being a joke? 😳

ToClimb · 21/06/2025 15:21

Also do not let him sign any school statements etc.

Dominoeffecter · 21/06/2025 15:22

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 21/06/2025 14:58

It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t the one who assaulted him - if he was there and it’s at the level of a criminal conviction then he can be arrested under joint enterprise.

he might not have done it, but if he didn’t stop it then legally it amounts to the same thing.

I would support him by a) trying to find another school b) trying to explain what his life will look like with a serious criminal conviction (no more trips to America for you son, no jobs involving a DSB check etc etc)

No 🙄

Itallcomesdowntothis · 21/06/2025 15:23

Poopeepoopee · 21/06/2025 14:58

The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Well, the first thing that has to be ascertained is whether or not your DS did attack him. Because if he didn't this is all over. Why doesn't the victim know who did it? Thats very odd. You need to get to the bottom of that first.

Well since we don’t know what happened I’m going to guess of the kid who was assaulted was held down face first he might not know. He may have heard voices or a school camera caught or rhe OPs son and others going to the place it happened. He was there and legally that may be enough.

StMarie4me · 21/06/2025 15:24

Things seem to be changing. My DD28 was assaulted and knocked unconscious at school, 14 years ago. The school minimised it and the police would not touch it as it happened on school grounds. I hope it was not your son but I do hope that there are consequences for whoever the assailant was. The lack of punishment exacerbated my DD’s mental health problems a lot.

NerrSnerr · 21/06/2025 15:24

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

Do you think the victim felt it was a joke as all the kids piled on him? I very much doubt it. Really does sound like your son is a bully. I agree that I bet the victim knows who attacked him but is terrified to say.

I have a year 6 child and she tells me about any violence she has witnessed at school, if your son wasn’t involved why didn’t he mention it?

IdaGlossop · 21/06/2025 15:25

I'm sorry you and your DS are having to deal with this.

A couple of things occur to me. First, that you say to your DS that you can only help him if he is honest with you, and that you will listen without judgement as he tells you what happened. (Hard for both of you.) Second, I would record him telling you what happened and transcribe it so you have an account given by him close to the event. That way, he has a story to stick to. Starting at the beginning is going to involve descriptions of his relationships with everyone involved as far back as he can remember.

Itallcomesdowntothis · 21/06/2025 15:26

FuckityFux · 21/06/2025 15:18

I’d lay odds that the victim definitely knows who attacked him, but is probably too terrified of the repercussions if he tells. Poor kid.

My DS was attacked and bullied by some kids at school when he was 14. He wouldn’t tell me or his teachers who any of the perpetrators were until about a year later when I mentioned inviting an old friend and her son over for tea during the school holidays and DS went ballistic. Turns out her little shit was the gang leader. Luckily, after I spoke to my friend and told her what her son had done, she was appalled and read him the riot act and he later apologised to DS. Thankfully, DS was left alone by the bullies after that.

Your son is clearly involved in some way, even if it’s just as a bystander egging on the others. You have to come down very hard if there’s any hope of redemption, otherwise he’s going to carry on with his thuggish ways and get into even more serious trouble in the future.

I agree with others that moving him to another school might be a good option to separate him from the other gang members.

I don’t think you can just move a kid while an investigation of this seriousness is going on/. The old head would be contacted and it would come out. No achool in their right mind would accept this iI now with this not being concluded.

IsItSnowing · 21/06/2025 15:26

Distraught2025 · 21/06/2025 15:16

Thank you so much for your replies. I missed from my OP that DS is also 12 and Year 7. He was there and admits to piling on top of the child as a joke, so it sounds like messing around. Someone (else in DS story) took it too far after DS and the other kids fell off. No weapons involved

Edited

So he was involved clearly. And you are minimising. This kind of thing is not messing about and not at all funny.