DS accused of assault

[Distraught2025]

Please be gentle as I am in pieces. Basically I was informed by school yesterday they are investigating a serious assault against a Y7 boy. DS was alleged to have been involved, DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy. In the meeting DS came across as sullen and shifty which the school have pointed out doesn't help his case. The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Without going into details, I am beyond horrified and I feel for the victim. I am 95% sure DS isn't capable of this, he is not a cruel boy but I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment. Why didn't DS tell me at the time? Could be be capable of this? Am I deluding myself? I spent ages pleading with DS to just tell the truth, asking if he was scared, saying I will stand by him whatever but he denies, denies, denies.

I desperately want to support him but can see he is not telling me everything. Police and being expelled have been mentioned
The school are continuing their investigation, meanwhile I am in bits fearing for his future. I can barely look at DS but how can I support him?
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It was not 'messing around.' I am so sick of parents excusing their kids behaviour as 'messing around.' He was a part of a group that piled on another child that led to him being assaulted. The fact it is the second time indicates consequences were not severe enough the first time.

Surely though all the little thugs who took part in the bullying will name the same sole perpetrator and they will hopefully get the consequences they deserve.

So if your child were to be beaten up you think there should be consequences for the perpetrator(s) but if your child is a perpetrator you think they should escape consequences.

Super, just super.

If your ds was involved and the ha ha pile on is bad enough, he needs to accept the punishment and I think it shoukd be expulsion.

What a rotten child you have. He was part of a pile on? A second one ? You should be very ashamed that this is who he is growing up to be. That poor child who will now have to deal with a whole host of issues. I wonder what your wishy washy punishment will be for him?

Exactly these are rotten hooligans. Anyone who has ever watched one of these bullying videos will feel exactly the same. I would feel such a failure as a parent if my child did this.

You need to think carefully about this.

As it stands he victim has said he doesn't know who attacked him.

Unless there are other independent witnesses / cctv then there will be no case against your son and he cannot be expelled or prosecuted UNLESS he confesses to it . . .

You need to make him very aware of the consequences of behaving in this reckless way. He needs to realise people can get badly hurt and that he could face punishment through the court, however, you also need to ensure that he does not become the fall guy for this awful pile on.

If the police do become involved get lawyer present during interview and tell the school that he won't be making any statements without proper legal advice.Make sure your son understands this.

After putting the fear of bejeezus into him, I would also be looking to move him to a different school.

Well as hard as it would be to accept your son has told you he pilled on with the other kids, so we was apart of the assault. Maybe he didn’t do the most damage but he did take part in it.

@Distraught2025 its only different when it is YOUR child as it’s shows how bad a parent you actually are. You do not want to admit that you have failed as a parent as YOUR child is clearly an aggressive bully. You completely minimised a pile on and serious assault to another child.

As OP has no idea what happened or the nature or extent of the victim’s injuries and suspects her son has/is lying about his involvement nothing can be ruled out so all possibilities have to be anticipated.
If there was planning involved and/or the attackers were were encouraged by onlookers there is a possibility of a charge under joint enterprise. under joint enterprise Involvement is defined by intent (planning) and incitement ( say by onlookers). You don’t have to lay a hand on someone to be held responsible for the injuries.
i would be wanting very clear answers from my DC about how victim and attacker came to be in that place at that time - as the victim says there were multiple attackers, this is important to show how/if this was orchestrated and who knew. Once they round up other alleged attackers and the pressure is on the little darlings will throw each other under the bus to save themselves. Best to get ahead of this.
Next up were weapons involved and where did the weapons come from, who else was there, what were they doing or saying when the attack took place, who if anyone rendered assistance to the victim after the attack.
The right answers are I had no idea an attack was planned, I had no hand in bringing victim and attacker together, I had no idea attacker had a weapon and no idea where the weapon came from, I said nothing to encourage the attack while it was taking place. Bonus points for rendering assistance following the attack, demonstrating compassion but not actually legally required

Parents like this are why schools are increasingly becoming unsafe for children. As a parent of a DC in primary who is being bullied for being Autistic, this fucking terrifies me

“Boys will be boys” 🤦🏻‍♀️

No. Your son is a bully and engaged with bullying another boy.

This is what the kids who attacked my youngest son did. Lawyered up and, at the behest of their parents, refused to answer questions from the police, or sign school statements. My son took over a year to recover from his injuries and massively underperformed in his GCSEs as a result. I find it absolutely sickening that there are people who are more concerned with protecting the perpetrators than teaching them to do the right thing and accept the consequences of their actions.

No. She clearly says that the victim has been fine with her son since the incident. I would have NEVER been ‘fine’ around the bully I switched schools to get away from!

So far, this seems more like a case of young boys with lack of judgement, personal boundary issues, & getting caught up in mob mentality, rather than a calculated attack and assault.

How about we practice some grace and cut this woman some slack? It sounds like a first offense and a bad mistake.

And nothing OP has said suggests that this is what happened (yes, I am taking the OP at face value considering there is nothing else to go on).

OP would be best advised to 1, not take legal advice from Mumsnet, and 2, consult a solicitor. We don’t know that the police are even involved here at all, but the fact that the school have at least invoked them as a threat means it wouldn’t be unwise for OP to be cautious.

LOL - I love that "watch Adolescence" has become the new call to action for unsubstantiated panic. Her son could equally be up to nothing.

Joining in a pile on doesn't make someone 'certainly' a bully. It makes them a kid, and kids sometimes do stupid things.

Her son threw a name into the frame as soon as he was asked...at what point prior to that was he supposed to have done it? We have no idea what happened after the pile on to prompt the school to investigate, only that it wasn't serious enough to involve the police, and that the victim has been 'fine' with OP's son since. The school started investigating it, and he told them who did it.

OP has said that she'll be punishing her son for his involvement (presumably when she has all the facts), so that's an odd little comment about reaping what she's sewn.

Imagine calling someone wet while flapping and referencing a program about murder in response to a bit of playground misbehavior.

OP said that the school has suggested exclusions or police involvement. There's been no suggestion that the police are actually involved.

Here's the thing...if this was the kind of 'assault' that warranted police involvement, they'd have been involved already. There's no way the school would be pulling kids in to conduct their own interviews first, it would be monumentally stupid. And besides, the victim's parents would surely have gone to the police independently of the school if it was indeed that serious.

I agree. Going solely by what OP is saying here, imo the school are invoking the police as a threat in the hopes of getting the information they want out of at least someone. While they know there was an incident, they have neither details nor evidence. I don’t actually think the police are involved at all.

That said, if OP does want legal advice in light of those threats, she would be best served to speak to a solicitor. Mumsnet is a terrible place to ask for legal advice.

That doesn’t sound like messing around. That sounds like bullying. Things are only a joke when everyone involved finds it funny. When you say “someone took it too far” what do you mean? Was the victim the child being piled on?

It’s not the first offence, son has admitted being part of another ‘pile on’ previously.
At my son’s school they’ve all been warned of the consequences of these ie broken bones, suffocating and emotional trauma. He should be suspended at the very least for doing it a second time.
My son is the same age and bar one scuffle over a disagreement which was stopped by others immediately, I’ve not heard of any pile ons etc taking place so I don’t agree with the OP’s ‘boys will be boys’.
I’ve made it very clear of the consequences of lashing out and being stupid to my older ones, the man that got jailed after accidently killing someone with one punch in a fight was an example that was in the news at the time.
Boys are more physical and have to have the right outlet, mine do athletics, kick boxing etc and are more mature and physically aware because of it.
My sons school operates a 3 strikes and your out over bullying, Op son is sailing very close to the wind.

By his own admission your son was not only present, he was a participant.

How involved your child was in the attack is something for the school and agencies to ascertain but he isn’t innocent. His minimalisation of the assault and lack of remorse, says enough for now.

stop asking him to tell you the ‘truth’
ask him to go through a minute by minute account of what happened and see if it looks like he is giving you a consistent story during this

You may have been able to switch schools, and might not have been 'fine' around your bullies - but some of us had to be 'fine' around ours, in order to survive. Nor would it be worth naming whoever done it, even if we did know. You were lucky to get away. It's not black and white.

Quite. There's another thread running in which a child is clearly being bullied but has continued to spend time with the bullies concerned - and his mother supported it because thought being friends with them might help. A lot of bullied children try to appease their bullies in this way.

@AllyX970 or the victim has been fine around her son as he is terrified of something else happening, her son has has been involved in a pile on 2 times, he’s a bully.

I think I would frame this in terms of taking responsibility. Regardless of intent or who else was involved/led the pike on/was to blame, your DS was involved in injuring another child and is responsible for his actions. IANAL but at 12, I believe he can also be found criminally responsible for his deeds.

The teenage journey to adulthood is about moving from following instructions to making choices. You need your DS to make good choices.

Whatever the exact details that led to the victim’s assault, your DS made poor choices to get involved. He needs to take responsibility for those choices.

I remember only too well the “bundles” in the PE corridor at my own secondary. With my adult knowledge I can only say it was extremely fortunate that there were no serious injuries. It might seem like fun to an immature 12 year old, but he needs to understand what could happen. Does he want to be responsible for causing serious injury - or worse - to another human?

You need to put the proverbial rocket up his backside and make sure that he understands you will be supporting the school in any consequences. But you should also help him to understand that you will help and support him to make good choices and to have empathy for his fellow students.

Excellent comments.