DS accused of assault

[Distraught2025]

Please be gentle as I am in pieces. Basically I was informed by school yesterday they are investigating a serious assault against a Y7 boy. DS was alleged to have been involved, DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy. In the meeting DS came across as sullen and shifty which the school have pointed out doesn't help his case. The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Without going into details, I am beyond horrified and I feel for the victim. I am 95% sure DS isn't capable of this, he is not a cruel boy but I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment. Why didn't DS tell me at the time? Could be be capable of this? Am I deluding myself? I spent ages pleading with DS to just tell the truth, asking if he was scared, saying I will stand by him whatever but he denies, denies, denies.

I desperately want to support him but can see he is not telling me everything. Police and being expelled have been mentioned
The school are continuing their investigation, meanwhile I am in bits fearing for his future. I can barely look at DS but how can I support him?
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Your initial posts were very much of a “boys will be boys” mentality which is why we have a pretty screwed up society these days when it comes to violence

You only changed to “we are taking this seriously” when posters called you out on your attitude

Really?

I don't feel sorry for sullen bullies.

Is he a bully though? Did he pile on the same kid twice?? Or does he lack sound judgement and ’goes with the crowd?’

According to The Oxford Dictionary, bullying is defined as, “a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.”

Now, I do realize that OP’s initial post may be biased towards her son, but even without that, what we’ve been told does not correlate to the true definition of bullying. JMO!

@AllyX970 well the OP says he admitted to involve twice so yeah that’s a bully picking on someone less vulnerable, why didn’t they do it to a 6ft rugby player who’s stronger than them? It’s people like you excusing bullies is the problem! You can still be a bully without it being repeated behaviour on one individual it can be various individuals

Legally they can still be held accountable - if there was any planning together before the incident or if any verbal encouragement was given to the attacker during the incident. You don’t have to physically assault someone to be found guilty of assault under joint enterprise. There’s witnesses and witnesses

I’m sure the victim’s parent will want the school to take a very hard line, and whatever that turns out to be you should be thankful and completely embrace any and all measures which keep your DS out of the hands of the police. If that victim was my child we’d be at the police station immediately he got home. Whatever measures the school takes your DS will have got off lightly. He needs different friends asap.

Yes, really. Having sympathy with a young person who has done something wrong doesn't mean you don't also condemn them for what they have done.

I’m most certainly not excusing bullying. I was bullied myself, and I switched schools because of the fear and mistreatment I felt and suffered.

I'm merely trying to see the forest for the trees, as it were, and trying to maintain perspective, which I feel like I’m in the minority of on this thread. Practically everyone seems so intent in labeling this boy a bully because of what seems to be one or two lapses in judgement, and for clearly being a follower.

I think the occurrence of ‘pile ons’ in general needs to be addressed as dangerous and not funny or fun for the person on the bottom, by the school and parents.

I’m not clear as to whether the 2 pile ons were targeting the same young man, and if so, then that is definitely an issue that needs to be addressed and dealt with so that it never happens again.

Just because I’m not willing to label this boy a bully (yet) does not mean that I condone his actions or pile ons, in general. It also doesn’t mean I don’t think he should be punished, because I do. Every boy, except the bottom one, needs to be held accountable and punished severely enough that they don’t ever do that again.

I’m more about correcting the issue rather than labeling it, rushing to judgement and condemning almost everyone involved, save for the boy on the bottom!

But, that’s just me. 🤷‍♀️🙏🏻🩷

OP, your son was part of a gang that attacked another child. A gang. A single victim. Of course the victim does not know who the identity of the attacker, the attacker was a gang. A gang of cowards.

Strategic ethics for zero accountability . Great life lesson

There’s nothing to say the parents won’t go to the police if they are not satisfied with the school’s response.

Exactly this. You need to understand that in the eyes of the law your son has admitted to assaulting this child and at the age of 12 can be held criminally responsible for this. He may well end up with a criminal record and it wouldn’t be unusual to be permanently excluded from school. If there have been previous issues with this child then your son has also bullied him and that will have serious consequences under schools bullying policies.
Now, support your son as best as you can. If police are involved then get a solicitor, ensure he isn’t spoken to without a parent present and try to stop this horrible behaviour from him before he ends up doing further harm.

Exactly.
Would be a different response if it was their child at the bottom of the pile on, and who was assaulted after it. Twice (that has been admitted to).

But this is the reality. Shit parents who don't want their offspring to be accountable for their violence.