DS accused of assault

[Distraught2025]

Please be gentle as I am in pieces. Basically I was informed by school yesterday they are investigating a serious assault against a Y7 boy. DS was alleged to have been involved, DS admits he was there but denied it was him that assaulted the boy and named another boy. In the meeting DS came across as sullen and shifty which the school have pointed out doesn't help his case. The victim isn't sure who attacked him.

Without going into details, I am beyond horrified and I feel for the victim. I am 95% sure DS isn't capable of this, he is not a cruel boy but I could imagine him getting carried away in the moment. Why didn't DS tell me at the time? Could be be capable of this? Am I deluding myself? I spent ages pleading with DS to just tell the truth, asking if he was scared, saying I will stand by him whatever but he denies, denies, denies.

I desperately want to support him but can see he is not telling me everything. Police and being expelled have been mentioned
The school are continuing their investigation, meanwhile I am in bits fearing for his future. I can barely look at DS but how can I support him?
Posted in Aibu for traffic

Your son was clearly involved either directly by doing the attack or indirectly either by being there and not stopping it or now covering up for who did it. Either way your son is now a criminal.
I would get the police involved myself if I was you, and reiterate to your son how it will be better in the long run for him if he admits his involvement voluntarily

OP said that the police have been mentioned, which isn’t the same thing as them actually being involved.

Being there and doing nothing is by itself not going to result in legal consequences.

it may not matter that he wasn’t directly involved when it comes to gangs of people it could be treated as a joint enterprise crime. He knew what was going on and instead of getting help he joined in.

Not giving information does not make him a criminal. Being there and not stopping it does not make him a criminal.

Joint enterprise, based on what OP has said, would not apply here. Again based on what she has said, her son is not ‘now a criminal’.

It was a different case
But I think I saw the case you are talking about on a crime documentary ?
If not it sounds very similar.

Your son is involved . I would remain tight lipped with the school / police etc until at least you son says his involvement.

I can’t believe anyone has voted YANBU!
If your son really wasn’t involved then he’s not saying who was which shows no empathy whatsoever towards the victim. You sound as if you are minimising and quite frankly it’s disgusting that you’re attempting to pass this off as some sort of joke.

Poor poor kid!

I didn't realise I had included voting as I don't start new threads often. I posted this for advice and comments not voting.
DS has admitted being part of the pile on and I am not minimising his involvement in this hence our punishment. I will also support any school punishment for the 4 boys involved in this
DS denies the assault which occured afterwards, and has reported the name of the boy involved to school. I do have issues that DS didn't tell us about what he witnessed but he believed the victim was telling his own mum what had happened, which we have discussed.
I don't believe I have made out anywhere that I think this is a joke. As a parent I would want the school to take a hard line, but it is different when it is YOUR child involved

Anyone who describes their child as 'no angel' generally has an absolute horror on their hands, as seen by everyone who doesn't have the rose-tinted glasses of their mother.
If he behaves like this now, god knows what he's going to be like at 16, 21, etc.

Honestly you really need a reality check. Why would he tell you about another lad being assaulted he is not a saint, You are asking him repeatedly difficult questions and he is saying things to make you happy.

What he might have told you was about the pileup at school. The reality is this child was being bullied and your lad joined in. Whatever he tells you to make you feel better this is what happened. He didn't have to tell you he needs to learn not to follow the crowd. Let the school get on with it don't make him dig himself into a bigger and bigger hole.,

I really feel for you OP. It's the herd mentality. He's admitted he was there but so were others. It's odd that your DS's name wasn't immediately mentioned, sounds like one of his other mates involved dobbed him in. The victim would have named him immediately surely? He may be feeling shifty as he feels guilty that it went too far.

I knew you were minimising and being wet about this when you said a bit of roughhousing was to be expected! and that this was the second incident of its kind.

watch the drama adolescence. Your son could be up to anything. He is certainly a bully else he wouldn’t have been in the pile on in the first place - he’s then only thrown a name in the frame when his came up in the investigation. He didn’t come forward to help with it previously did he?

as for no punishment so far, you will reap what you’ve sown here.

@Distraught2025
It really sounds as if you’re trying to convince yourself…
You’re clearly in denial. I agree with others about the ‘no angel’ comment. They usually means they’re absolute horrors! By secondary school age the vast majority of kids know this sort of behaviour and bullying is not acceptable. Absolutely no way that a 12 year old doesn’t know right from wrong! You have two options here, stop making excuses and punish him or play it down and watch him become an absolute nightmare!

You said earlier in the thread that you thought the pile on was a laugh, and then changed to say that you had punished him.

that suggests that you probably think that bullying behaviour your son exhibits is just ‘banter’.

So a fight in a school playground between 2 kids but witness by another 20 means 21 people could get convicted of assault of the " loser" of the fight? Simply by being there Hmmm

Was it a pig pile? That would explain why he doesn't know who injured him they used to be popular in the late 80s early 90s in my area all the school used to say is do it on the grass only but playgrounds these days are more tarmac so bigger chance of injury

I never said that I was responding to.a pp.

It can do under joint enterprise. If he knew this was planned and offered any kind of passive support or active encouragement regardless if he was the one engaged in the attack.

OP, your son obviously is a bully, but you think it's acceptable. Boys will be boys , eh?

'No Angel' is also code for ' Nasty piece of work who's parents accept it'

I'm hoping for your sakes but more for the victim , that your son gets the punishment and wake up call he deserves.

I hope you've left this thread now op. MN really is the worst place to come for measured advice on stuff like this.

My step daughter is like this, stolen things several times from school, friends houses, family, as well as purposely breaking other people's things, hurting people etc. She will deny all wrong doing even if someone witnessed it or had irrefutable proof, she will never admit what she's done. I find it extremely hard to deal with and she's only 9, I'm absolutely dreading the teen years.

Your posts sound a lot like the old adage “boys will be boys” which is a dangerous, outdated thought. Boys also lie. I have five sons who are now young adults and I will tell you none of them were ever accused of assault or bullying. It’s not as moral as you and others make it sound.

Look up the murder of Jack Woodley. 10 boys were there, only one stabbed him but all 10 were convicted of murder.

That poster was talking about kids just witnessing a fight, not all stamping/kicking/joining in.