Extremely uncomfortable about what my boyfriend has done to ‘cheer’ me up

[JasmineD]

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks; an elderly relative’s health has deteriorated and I’ve had some issues with my job.

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he is going to do something to cheer me up, and then started hinting at a gift he has got me and kept saying how much I’d like it.

I went to his last night, after dinner he gave me a gift bag and something was really neatly wrapped. I opened it and it was an underwear set.

He must have been able to tell I looked unimpressed and said he’d put a lot of thought into it and got ‘advice’. Now he doesn’t have any close female friends so I’m not sure who this advice was from - it only leaves work colleagues or family (he has two sisters and a mum he’s very close to).

It then transpired this item was a size too small for me, and when I pointed this out he said he went by what was in my draw. I have an old outfit in there which is buried at the bottom and I’ve not worn for years. So he had gone through without my knowledge looking for something similar and got the size wrong.

I don’t really wear this sort of thing now (and this is that cheap/scratchy feel material too!) but that’s beyond the point - I feel a bit gross that he thought this was an appropriate present to ‘cheer me up’?

When he says he asked advice he didn't ask what would cheer my sad, overworked GF up, he asked for advice on finding out your underwear size, hence the rummaging through your knicker draw.
Give him the tacky underwear back @JasmineD and tell him the first rule of gift buying _ you buy for the recipiant, it's not supposed to a present for him.

Bingo. 🙌🏻

He got this totally wrong. As for people saying men find it hard to read women, fair enough, however this is not someone misreading it is someone illiterate. If he had booked you a facial or a pedicure and u hate having ur feet touched, that would be an error. The ' gift' was not to.make OP feel better. I agree the gift was a signal to put the focus back into ur relationship from his point of view rather than to treat OP.

Or a houseplant, which has a similar level of emotional intelligence. Possibly slightly higher

Some one brought me a pair and some clitty cream from Ann Summers. I said no thanks and that was the end of a one sided relationship.

This is not clueless behaviour as some pps assert but pretty selfish and immature behaviour. Even if he has been a perfect soulmate up to now, a red flag must surely pop up at this crass gesture.

Yes and he didn’t make a lot of sense. Said it would make me feel special and sexy. And that I’d be empowered and forget about my boss (who is male and part of the issues I’ve been having).

Selfish prick got a gift for himself. Fine if he acknowledges that. But trying to make I’m out it’s for your benefit is crap.

Crotchless knickers are for dressing up for sex. Would you wear them for work or going out to dinner? OP says the material is also cheap and scratchy.

Yuck. I take it you haven’t been focussing on his needs lately with everything else going on (very understandably).

This wasn’t a present for you, but for his benefit. Gross. This would put me right off him; selfish man.

It was from an online site so would have been someone he knows. I did ask but he was coy and I haven’t pushed the point.

Not sure empowered is a word I’d use if they were to be worn…. Uncomfortable is probably more accurate……

There's something hideously sleazy about OP's boyfriend consulting his sisters for advice and buying crotchless knickers. What sort of sister would suggest that to her brother?

The crotchless panties were for OP to wear at work and flash the boss as a power sign? The BF must be watching too much porn.

So he thought he’d fix the misogyny you’re experiencing at work by objectifying you? He’s fucking clueless, and part of the problem. Only a man who thinks women’s self worth is derived from their desirability to men would do this. You can do better OP.

My DH recently commented on the fact that a couple of my friends after divorcing their husbands several years ago are now in serious relationships with women.
I said I could totally understand it…

Bought himself a present more like
Expecting you to be so greatful you wear it and jump on him
Yuk yuk yuk

'This is not a gift for me, it's a gift for you.'

Brilliant

Empowered?

What a fool

He wants you to think about not thinking about your boss while wearing crotchless knickers, this is going from bad to worse. You need to back away very slowly.

So fucking weird how what's empowering for women also gets men off.

So, so weird!

How old r u both?

Gross.

Literally no one advised him to do this.

He’s being coy because they didn’t. It’s just he has someone to blame if it misses the mark, even if that person remains nameless.