Extremely uncomfortable about what my boyfriend has done to ‘cheer’ me up

[JasmineD]

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks; an elderly relative’s health has deteriorated and I’ve had some issues with my job.

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he is going to do something to cheer me up, and then started hinting at a gift he has got me and kept saying how much I’d like it.

I went to his last night, after dinner he gave me a gift bag and something was really neatly wrapped. I opened it and it was an underwear set.

He must have been able to tell I looked unimpressed and said he’d put a lot of thought into it and got ‘advice’. Now he doesn’t have any close female friends so I’m not sure who this advice was from - it only leaves work colleagues or family (he has two sisters and a mum he’s very close to).

It then transpired this item was a size too small for me, and when I pointed this out he said he went by what was in my draw. I have an old outfit in there which is buried at the bottom and I’ve not worn for years. So he had gone through without my knowledge looking for something similar and got the size wrong.

I don’t really wear this sort of thing now (and this is that cheap/scratchy feel material too!) but that’s beyond the point - I feel a bit gross that he thought this was an appropriate present to ‘cheer me up’?

You’re being unreasonable, OP. Every other woman in the entire world with a very ill relative and work troubles would have been ecstatic to be given a pair of nylon crotchless sex knickers as a ‘cheering up’ present.

Or, you know, not.

Crotchless?

So he thought the way to help you through a tough time was by giving you the gift of his penis 🤢

I knew what it was going to be before finishing reading your post. Honestly, what a jerk and you have every right to be pissed off. That would give me the ick.

So his idea of cheering you up is to objectify you, and rather than helping you deal with the feelings, nudge you into having sex with him?

Does this man have any emotional intelligence or is it he is a complete narcissist?

Crotchless??

Some men really are just vile narcissists.

So he thought the way to help you through a tough time was by giving you the gift of his penis 🤢

So he thought the way to help you through a tough time was by showing you he is a penis 🤢

I have second hand embarrassment and ICK.
I would ask him outright how he thought this would cheer you up... make him uncomfortable before you leave him

God they really are clueless aren’t they.

1. It’s a present for him
2. he’s letting you know he expects sex while you’re going through this tough time
3. it’s just added to your to do list

He tried to cheer you up, he failed. Just let him know that's not your thing and doesn't help. If your grossed out by it I'd guess the relationship weren't all that great before the incident.

I had to make it clear to DH that scratchy nylon underwear a size too small is always a present for him, notme.
Your DP's idea of cheering you up is to get you to dress like a porn star to have sex with him? How he responds to your honest reaction to this will tell you if he is a keeper or not.

How old is he? He sounds like he has no understanding of women. Is this his first relationship?

Wow, what a fucking idiot. Has your sex drive diminished due to stress by any chance!?

My DP used to do this. I started joking thst he keeps buying me presents fkr himself. He doesn’t do this anymore. It’s a case of training him. If he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is.

Ew

Tell him to send it back and not get a replacement size. He is expecting sex and you dressing up in something to please him whilst you are going through a shitty time and that is a dick move. I would be rethinking the relationship to be honest.

Please don't stay with this douche. He is showing you what he is.

How on earth is fancy underwear supposed to cheer HER up? Especially when it's loaded with expectation of wearing it and having sex with him?

Presumably the "uncheerful" you has not been having sex with him?

This 'gesture' was tacky and insensitive. You've been going through a lot. No woman on the planet would have given him the advice to buy you lingerie. They would have told him to lift some of the chores burden from you, give you a foot rub, take you out for dinner and spoil you. Or just listen and let you talk.

If he said anything to anyone at all, I can guarantee it was a whinge about how you've "lost interest" in sex, and what he can do to reignite it.

I think the issue is also partly to do with old school marketing saying “women like sexy underwear” I’m not sure how old he is but it took a few times to let it sink into my DH head that buying women (me) underwear is putting pressure on my to preform and not a gift for me. He thought we all liked wearing nice stuff for ourselves.

Im not saying it’s not a shit gift but I think it’s misplaced not malicious.

A sex gift for himself, agree with all the other posters. I'm so weary of these men.

Don't pander to him. Tell him to return it. I don't agree that it's just a bit clueless - it's a pattern among a certain type of men. It's high time we stopped infantilising them with 'awww he tried'. He didn't try.

So his idea of cheering you up after a rough patch is to be you crutchless knickers? Dear god, run very fast…..

This is a gift for him. Gross.

This is a gift for him

Yup

I've come across this kind of man before. The sort who thinks that the cure for everything, from acute depression through poor self esteem to exhaustion is 'a good screwing.'

They are, almost inevitably, total boors who only think about themselves and their own pleasure. I would be having very stern words with him, OP, and see what he has to say for himself. At least you can save his future girlfriends from suffering the same kind of 'gift'.

Did you ask him EXACTLY how that was supposed to cheer you up?