Extremely uncomfortable about what my boyfriend has done to ‘cheer’ me up

[JasmineD]

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks; an elderly relative’s health has deteriorated and I’ve had some issues with my job.

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he is going to do something to cheer me up, and then started hinting at a gift he has got me and kept saying how much I’d like it.

I went to his last night, after dinner he gave me a gift bag and something was really neatly wrapped. I opened it and it was an underwear set.

He must have been able to tell I looked unimpressed and said he’d put a lot of thought into it and got ‘advice’. Now he doesn’t have any close female friends so I’m not sure who this advice was from - it only leaves work colleagues or family (he has two sisters and a mum he’s very close to).

It then transpired this item was a size too small for me, and when I pointed this out he said he went by what was in my draw. I have an old outfit in there which is buried at the bottom and I’ve not worn for years. So he had gone through without my knowledge looking for something similar and got the size wrong.

I don’t really wear this sort of thing now (and this is that cheap/scratchy feel material too!) but that’s beyond the point - I feel a bit gross that he thought this was an appropriate present to ‘cheer me up’?

Grim. Also I'd be alarmed he's allegedly asking his sister for advice on crotchless knickers. He may be lying about that.

Back into the sea with him. It just gets worse.

He really is the gift that keeps on giving.
I didn't realise someone could be so stupid with just one head.😁

If only the Suffragettes had some crotchless pants to empower them. We could have forgotten all about that voting nonsense

Get him to get a refund and spend it on a nice bunch of flowers for you, or perfume.

Your man is plain stupid. What is he, 16? So next time if there’s a death in the family he’ll buy you a see-through bra with tassels and will hand it to you at the funeral to cheer you up? Good Lord! 🙄

Put.him.in.the.bin.

I don't think it's anything sinister like these handmaidens tale knew jerk responses this post is getting 🙄

I'd ask him why he thought of this as a gift when you're going through a hard time and see what his response is. You'll be able to tell if he genuinely was trying to cheer you up but completely clueless/stupid or if it had nothing to do with you and was purely selfish and for himself.

😂

I would not be impressed with that as a “gift” at any time, least of all in the circumstances you mention. How long have you been together? Just trying to see if there is any benefit of doubt to be given.

This would piss me off at the best of times but when I'm feeling low I think I'd be pretty upset tbh. Utterly clueless.

And a nice big cup of read the fucking room

I think men actually are thick enough to think “sex would cheer me up” and apply it to women. I’d be unimpressed too.

Initially thought you were being unreasonable, as some people quite like nice underwear just to wear and a gift is always nice - however that’s til I read they were crotchless pants, which is a whole other type of gift. YANBU.

A bit wrong? When a man buys sexy underwear for a girlfriend, he's not doing it is to cheer her up.

On this basis, I say LTB ASAP.

Maybe he has a hiking trip planned? Crotchless to use a she-wee??
Or he's just a knob.....

If I was being charitable I'd say he meant well and he was absolutely seeing this through the prism of male feelings about sex, in that it's some kind of reward.

But in your shoes I'd be mightily pissed off because this isn't really a treat for you, it's what he'd like you to want as a treat because it a) benefits him actually and b) he hasn't bothered to think what you'd actually like.

I'd tell him that I appreciated the underlying thought but this really isn't what I'd call a treat - a treat would be [insert treat of choice here]. And the underwear in question is going to have to go back anyway. And, much as you can see why he did it to enable his "surprise", he isn't to go through your personal items again.

Depending on how well he took that would give me an idea about how I felt about the relationship's future...

Just over a year.

@JasmineD how old is he? How old are you?

What's his peer group & work colleagues like? Are they a bit 'lads, lads, lads!'

Are you going to tell him how rubbish and inappropriate the 'present' is?

The present is rubbish, for sure. His idea of what empowers women, is moronic. But I think what would really finish it for me is knowing that he’d been rummaging through my drawers. You don’t live together, he is a guest in your home, so that is a massive intrusion.

Has he explained why he thought it would cheer you up??

I would be asking him to explain how he thought this would cheer you up

I can’t believe anyone is that clueless! His explanation makes it no better. I’d be asking why didn’t you get flowers, favourite chocolates / cake / cookies, a book, even a bottle of wine would be more thoughtful!

Hes either truly clueless or only thinking about his own happiness and selfish, both a very good reasons to dump!

I think he already has up thread that it would empower op.
That hole he's digging just gets deeper.