Extremely uncomfortable about what my boyfriend has done to ‘cheer’ me up

[JasmineD]

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks; an elderly relative’s health has deteriorated and I’ve had some issues with my job.

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he is going to do something to cheer me up, and then started hinting at a gift he has got me and kept saying how much I’d like it.

I went to his last night, after dinner he gave me a gift bag and something was really neatly wrapped. I opened it and it was an underwear set.

He must have been able to tell I looked unimpressed and said he’d put a lot of thought into it and got ‘advice’. Now he doesn’t have any close female friends so I’m not sure who this advice was from - it only leaves work colleagues or family (he has two sisters and a mum he’s very close to).

It then transpired this item was a size too small for me, and when I pointed this out he said he went by what was in my draw. I have an old outfit in there which is buried at the bottom and I’ve not worn for years. So he had gone through without my knowledge looking for something similar and got the size wrong.

I don’t really wear this sort of thing now (and this is that cheap/scratchy feel material too!) but that’s beyond the point - I feel a bit gross that he thought this was an appropriate present to ‘cheer me up’?

Sorry, but that made me almost spit out my cuppa! He brought you crotchless underwear to cheer you up, ooookkkkaay then. The mind boggles at just how clueless and insensitive some people are 🤦‍♀️

What people do when they are single is what they actually want to do. So the hobbies you do, the clothes and underwear you wear, whether you do your hair or paint your nails etc
so if you do anything that you wouldn’t do single, when you’re in a relationship, then you are doing it solely for the other person.
which is absolutely fine, as long as it’s reciprocated, but you should recognise you are doing it for them.

Out it on over your clothes and insist he takes you out for a meal like that. 'he's bought me a gift and I want all my friends to see it'

That's exactly it, though. He is down because OP hasn't been in any frame of mind to be focusing on sex recently

He has therefore thought about what would cheer him up - and that is pressurising OP into sex, regardless of what she is currently going through.

As to what would cheer her up in her currently very tough circumstances... well, who cares about that, eh? Why would how she feels matter at all? She's hardly the important one, is she?

It gets worse 🤢

She needs emotional support, not sex.

It's that simple.

Only a total dumbass and or a selfish pig would think their penis would help a woman in emotional distress.

He should feel like shit. He failed in the most blatant way. He showed her that her needs don't matter one bit to him.

Errs, sounds like something to cheer him up not you!! and a bit insensitive given your worries. Is he usually this clueless? Sounds immature. A nice meal or a spa day to take your mind off things would have been more appropriate.

Serious ick!! Love to know who gave him this ‘advice’!!!

O.M.G😱🫣
Definitely not a cheer-you-up present: who on this whole planet of Earth advised him this was a good idea???
Bought online I assume?

Perhaps his muvva 😁

Do you think his sisters suggested cheap crotchless knickers?

Because there's a huge difference between those and lovely matching underwear

A nice picnic lunch somewhere given the lovely weather that’s been about, a new book and slab of dairy milk, a massage or a beautiful bunch of flowers and a card would have been so much nicer and cost less.
It’s not just that he was clueless and got it wrong, he literally was thinking about what he wants whilst OP is going through a hard time.

What an absolute tool

Surely one rules out a bf who “doesn’t notice” elderly relative/job issues entirely as a partner. He doesn’t get points for this. Does he think she is a dog ir a toddler who can be distracted by something shiny?

The advice was clearly from a bloke, so I wouldn’t worry that he’s talking to other women about your underwear. You can say that while you appreciate the effort, this really isn’t something you want and it hasn’t cheered you up. Give him suggestions of the kind of presents you would actually love to get in future.

Sounds like kind of thing my ex used to do. Note “ex”. When we split up he sold said undies on eBay ( all unused). Awful.

Nailed it

Ball carrying duty done to exemplary levels in low expectations category. Have a polyester red ribbon as a prize.

"Wow, thanks...although it's the oddest looking bunch of flowers and box of Milk Tray I've ever seen." 🙄

Thoughtless knob.

What a totally clueless man. How on earth is that supposed to cheer you up. I would be re evaluating the relationship.

Oh yuck. That's so gross. 'I know you're worried about your poorly grandmother but look what I've bought you. Sex clothes'.

Just another view into the minds of men who think sex solves everything. They don’t get it is the last thing on our minds in stressful times

Jesus fucking Christ. He got a revolting tacky crotch less underwear set to cheer you up?

Selfish moron.

Depending on how crotchless they are I'd tell him that all the stress you're under has given you an awful stomach & these will be great for easy bowel evacuation! What a clever boy he is, you'd never have thought of that.

See how sexy he finds them then.

She would, but she’d probably get a rash 😊