Extremely uncomfortable about what my boyfriend has done to ‘cheer’ me up

[JasmineD]

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks; an elderly relative’s health has deteriorated and I’ve had some issues with my job.

My boyfriend told me earlier in the week that he is going to do something to cheer me up, and then started hinting at a gift he has got me and kept saying how much I’d like it.

I went to his last night, after dinner he gave me a gift bag and something was really neatly wrapped. I opened it and it was an underwear set.

He must have been able to tell I looked unimpressed and said he’d put a lot of thought into it and got ‘advice’. Now he doesn’t have any close female friends so I’m not sure who this advice was from - it only leaves work colleagues or family (he has two sisters and a mum he’s very close to).

It then transpired this item was a size too small for me, and when I pointed this out he said he went by what was in my draw. I have an old outfit in there which is buried at the bottom and I’ve not worn for years. So he had gone through without my knowledge looking for something similar and got the size wrong.

I don’t really wear this sort of thing now (and this is that cheap/scratchy feel material too!) but that’s beyond the point - I feel a bit gross that he thought this was an appropriate present to ‘cheer me up’?

Next time he needs cheering up buy him a penis enlarger. Actually, don't wait for a next time just walk away from this complete and utter creep.

What's 'nice' about crotchless knickers?

The "advice" he probably got was from the shop assistant i.e. if AS etc. Thats a shitty "gift" id use that term broadly clearly only thinking of himself. Does he really think sex will cheer u up with u having to "dress up" to impress him. Clearly he's hoping you will more often. Theres nothing more of a turn off than when its basically forced onto you like that. If he doesn't see the error of his ways and try and cheer u up alternatively i.e. a nice lunch or dinner out on him, a night away or even a romantic walk to take your mind of things then I would be considering the relationship

Tell him to return it. it has failed miserably to 'cheer you up' and more than that it has grossed you out.

A gift for him, cheap, one size too small AND it looks like he riffled your knicker drawer and talked about underwear with someone else in relation to you. All big no nos. Is he 18 or something?

how long have you been dating? you need to tell him that this is not a gift to cheer you up but a gift for himself to enjoy! Just ask him to return it and tell him to think about why it wasn't appropriate.

Also tell him that you don't like him going through your drawers - pun intended...

Wow that's grim.
Whats worse is him building it up before hand . It just screams of men who watch porn and actually think the women are enjoying it . They truly believe they are making these women's day .

I bet you go around proclaiming your love of saucy underwear and how much it lifts you up when you're down 🎵🎵🎼.

What an idiot!

I actually feel really sorry for him. Men are not very good at reading us women and he clearly thought getting you a cute outfit for a night of sexy fun would cheer you up as it would him. Its the kind of thing my husband would probably do, he was just trying to help and you completely blew it off in his face, he is probably feeling like shit now cos of your reaction.

Ha! So it really is not a present he has given you, he has given you another job to do. Why on earth would anyone wear crotchless underwear. The whole reason we wear underwear is to cover our crotches. It's like wearing shoes with no soles. If you don't want to do that just go commando. Much cheaper.

Who the fuck things crotchless underwear would cheer the recipient up when sad and worried for an unwell relative?

He’s a dick.

Not a bloody clue, I personally can’t stand the sexy underwear stuff, but is that specifically what he bought the OP.

Things that might have genuinely cheered you up: big bunch of flowers, box of your favourite chocs, bottle of your favourite wine, cooking you a meal or booking tickets for a film you have mentioned.

Not difficult, is it?

He sounds clueless rather than gross. He's thought about what would "cheer him up" if he was feeling down, but he has tried to go to some effort. Hopefully, he only sought advice from a shop assistant. Are you interested enough in the relationship to explain how he has got it so wrong or has he no redeeming qualities?

Gross.

Are you op's boyfriend 🙈

He's using your want of emotional support through a bad time to try to wrangle you into playing dress up sex doll for him with cheap scratchy underwear not even your size.

He thinks his penis is a prize when he's got less emotional IQ than a rock.

What a turnoff. I'd tell him that, before breaking up. Cluelessness on that scale, no.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now.

Hopefully he does, yes, and learns from this. What OP needs is emotional support, not underwear that doesn't even support her crotch.

He sounds really immature - how old are you and he?

It's a crass present.

Is he a decent, kind person? Is this a one off? Is he worth keeping? Would he be open to 'feedback'?

When the time is right, you need to tell him how his present has missed the mark on so many levels. Tell him you appreciate him thinking of you but really you would prefer .........

A pair of crotchless knickers ?!!! 😡

I despair of what goes on in men’s heads sometimes. He hasn’t got a clue about what women actually need: he clearly only has one need.

Good. There's no excuse for this kind of incessant thoughtlessness towards the women in their life. It's bullshit and I don't feel sorry for a single one who thinks crotchless underwear is a form of emotional support. How absolutely ridiculous.

Nice men are good at reading women. Decent men are aware when their partners aren't feeling very sexy due to life events and don't put pressure on their partners to put out, even via the medium of 'gifts'.

Doesn’t sound like he knows you at all (if he did he’d know that the gift would be a huge turn off for you). How long have you been together? Sounds like you’re not compatible and he knows very little about women in general. This would give me the ick times a hundred

The hand maidens have arrived 🤣😂

Poor men. We women are just big meanies because these poor men are just trying to cheer us up with crotchless panties, which is let's face it what all us women want deep down when we're going through the emotional stress of ill relatives and job insecurity.

Give your head a wobble and raise your bar a little.

Wearing underwear isn't "dressing up". It's normal for most of us. What world do you live in that wearing underwear is dressing up? Guessing you just want to be offended?

OP should just swap for something she prefers and tell her bf she'll look after her own underwear tyvm

He took advice from his penis. That will be the complete and total extent of his ability to think of your needs and empathise with what you're going through - to be sad that he isn't having as much sex as he wants. I'm sorry you've found out that he's a little tosser when you're already going through other shit.