Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Thats pretty poor by her

How irritating. Flakey friends get dumped by me, just can't accept. Go anyway!

It's annoying but I would have done a final check with her before buying a ticket because of the heat. Does she know you bought a ticket?

Can you contact the venue to ask for the ticket to be rebooked to another date?

You suggested the place, she probably thought her cancelling wasn't a big deal because you could just go on your own.

You're kinda blaming her for you being too wimpish to go alone. Her not going doesn't stop you. It's not like you bought her ticket and now that's useless. You bought your own ticket, and you can still go. Just go.

I really think you should have told her you have bought the ticket.

I had a friend that used to do stunts like this… once I was actually at the venue when she cancelled. She would always insist on somewhere that suited her and be late/cancel.
I stopped buying in advance or if I did, it would be for somewhere we would go anyway.
it’s frustrating!

So you're annoyed with her but when she tells you she isn't coming you say "OK, never mind" ?

Why?

Why not say, I checked with you before I bought my ticket, and now I'm stuck with it.

"OK, Never mind" won't tell her anything will it?

I had a friend like this. Constantly cancelling last minute, often when I was on the way.

I learned it was better to pay more on the day than pre buy tickets if I didn't want to use them without her. We both had DC, so I often booked for ourselves then told her we had a set time - that way I made sure my plans suited me, and I wasn't out of pocket.

Did you word it like ‘still ok for said activity as I’m just about to book my ticket’? If so then yes I’d be annoyed. If not, maybe she doesn’t realise you’re out of pocket now.

flakey friends are the worst though

In hindsight you should have told her you'd be buying a ticket in advance when you checked she still planned to go. Then she'd have known you would be committed. Why didn't you tell her you'd bought a ticket when she said they were cancelling?

Why didn’t you say oh no I’ve already bought my ticket?

It’s a family place aimed at kids. It’s not for a single adult. I suggested it for her benefit. If I got to choose where to meet her I’d choose a pub/restaurant so we could have a good catch up! But then she couldn’t bring her kids and likely couldn’t go at all. So I thought by suggesting somewhere that she could make a family day out i was more likely to see her.

Sadly not. The T&Cs state no refunds or change of dates.

Mainly because what’s the point. As I said she’s not going to change her mind and force her kids to be outside in this heat. It’s not fair on them.

Can you try and contact the venue to see if there’s any flexibility on cancelling or moving the date

Failing that can you sell the ticket on FB or Twickets at a lower price to get something back on it?

Well you've missed the opportunity now but I always state beforehand that I'm buying my ticket in advance, just to be sure, if its not somewhere I'd go on my own. Just to avoid this. If you'd done that, you might have got a different response from her the first time.

She only cancelled an hour later so had probably fully intended to go but reflected on it and realised it would he too hot after all. It's not being flakey to cancel for good reason.

But I would also have told her I'd bought the ticket and not just said "ok, never mind" if it wasn't, or didn't feel, ok. And you do mind.

Especially if you really felt strongly enough to start a thread about it. That's not going to achieve anything.

It doesn't sound as if she knew you had a ticket, though? Was she expecting that you might buy the ticket on the day?

From what you've told us, it's quite possible that she thought you weren't super keen (given that you'd messaged her) and even may have thought she was giving you an "out"?

If I am going to things that are very weather dependant, I will often say "let's discuss a day or two beforehand" because forecasts can change a lot!

Yeah I agree now in hindsight. I just didn’t think it was necessary considering I only spoke to her just over 48 hours venue before and confirmed it. I mean how many confirmations do people need these days?

Personally, if I was in your friend's position and knew that my friend had a ticket, I would go anyway, and just make it shorter / earlier in the day / get the kids lots of cold drinks.

If a friend messaged me a few days before saying "it's going to be very hot", I would assume they weren't super keen on going.

We had discussed at the time of organising it that you got a discount for booking early because she had 3 tickets to buy (her and kids) so said she’d definitely book in advance as it saved her quite a bit of money.

I was very keen to see her as I haven’t in about 6 months as she’s understandably very busy with the kids. I think maybe the friendship has run its course. I’ve tried hard to compromise and see her at kid suitable events to keep the friendship going. But I guess maybe she just isn’t that bothered anymore.

And we did discuss closer to the date. 4 days before when the weather was looking to be like it is now. I guess my mistake was thinking 4 days before was enough.

The thing is she won't have known that you'd already bought your ticket. You can't really be pissed off with her for cancelling when she had no idea you'd already booked your ticket.
Also, a few days ago she may not have been aware of the weather forecast. We are now on a weather warning for heat tomorrow and a lot of parents with young children will be cancelling outdoor activities for tomorrow.
Top tip - if you're making plans with your friend that involves taking her children, never pay for tickets in advance because anything could happen in between booking the tickets and the day of the event where kids are involved. I have kids, and I'm forever seeing online advance booking discounts to places we're going to, but I never pre-book anything because I've had too many situations with the kids where we've had to cancel plans because of something - illness, etc.
Another top tip. You say you booked a family place so that the kids would be entertained so that you can get to see your friend. But she'd spend most of the day looking after them, seeing to them, sorting them out. Your conversation would be interjected multiple times. Kids dont just run off and have an independent time just because you're at a family place. They demand constant input.
So IMO, you've got this wrong on all sorts of levels.
See if you can cancel your ticket or move the date. If you can't, either go alone, or invite someone else to go with you. Or offer the ticket to anyone who wants it. Or just swallow the fact you've lost money and have learned a lesson about how easily plans can get cancelled when they involve young kids.

This would have been avoided if you’d texted “friend I’m buying my ticket now as it’s cheaper so get yours too”

It’s silly not telling her when she was cancelling though. Also it’s worth contacting the place and explaining the situation, many places would refund a couple of hours after purchase because mistakes happen and it’s only one ticket. She’s unreasonable but you’re also cutting off your nose to spite your face a little

She didn't mind them being out in the heat when you checked in, the weather forecast hasn't changed. Aren't there any indoor bits if it gets too hot outside? I would bet it's her that doesn't fancy the heat now. I would be really annoyed.

If it's local you might be able to sell the ticket for half full price at the door. At our local show there are always people selling the cheap rate tickets outside. Or just go, it can be fun just watching the kids and I expect there are adult things to do as well, you don't need to stay all day, just have a wander round and at least get part of your money's worth.