Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Not the same but years ago a ‘friend’ would suggest a pub night out. She was single I had young children so I would look forward to meeting her as I enjoyed her company so I’d arrange when I didn’t have my kids and then she would cancel last minute with a wishy washy excuse. It was so annoying when you are looking forward to a night out with a friend whose company I enjoyed. Obviously we don’t see each other any more

OP, you did nothing wrong. You chose a place suitable for her and her kids which was kind of you. You checked the weather with her beforehand. You bought your ticket in advance to save money. All this makes sense.

If she went to Disney world in the heat, there may be a different reason she is not meeting up. I would pull back on the friendship for a bit and let her arrange something with you.

I would do what the poster above suggests and ask her if she knows anyone who might buy the ticket from you - at least let her know you bought a ticket.

I think your friend is horrible op. She should have suggested a family ticket. She is way out of order for cancelling after you had re-confirmed

Rather than adapting to her BS. You should of stopped being friends with her as she doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. You are allowing this crappy behaviour hence why she keeps doing it.

I think this is just a breakdown in communication.

You suggested the weather was too hot, she reflected and agreed with you.

Better to have a conversation rather than text in this type of situation.

I don’t think vitriol for the friend is warranted, she doesn’t know you booked your ticket, are out of pocket and now annoyed with her.

She might have realised she couldn't afford it. Suck it up.

Why the fuck should the OP take the lead on this? She isn't the one with the kids in tow so it's not down to her to decide what is or isn't doable with them.
Ridiculous response.

💯 agree you are well within your right to be pissed off. And pp have shared some good ideas about family tickets and clarifying you are going to book and at the same time book theirs too lol.

Dear OP I feel I could have written this post myself because I have a similar friend who now has 3 kids and Ive known her for 20 years and for around 14 of those years she has been pregnant/ had kids and the majority of that time I had none/ single so I made the effort to go see her or would make the effort to host her and her kids. I accepted that during school holidays she wouldn't have childcare so if I wanted to spend time with her I'd need to do kid friendly activities and she cancelled so often I lost count.

Now I'm the one with a toddler and do you think she makes an effort to see me with or without kids? Damn right she doesn't. She's still a flake. And people on her will jump all over me to say oh but she has 3 kids so it's much harder for her and they won't be into the same things your toddler is into. Perhaps she wants child free evening etc etc. Total bs. Fact is that in some friendships the dynamic can become one person is the default organiser and one to suggest meeting up and the other is passive or willing to have that friend fit into whatever stage of life that they are in. And that can still be ok but don't go bending over backwards to accommodate, next time suggest something that you would enjoy with or without her and find other friends who are more available.

In regards to my friend It was a good couple of years after she had her first that I suggested we meet up for lunch without kids ( her DH was out of work so he was able to sort out pick ups etc) but she wanted a kid free lunch from me combined with theatre which she got, when mine was barely 6 months and still breastfed.

Because she asked for fucking opinions and that's my fucking opinion. I hope that clears things the fuck up for you.

Yeah, we put that in our T&C's so that we don't HAVE TO refund or move, it doesn't mean we won't if someone calls and asks nicely.

You gave her an out by asking if she still wanted to go. Why did you so that when you already had your ticket and still wanted to go. If I had recieved that text I would have assumed you were looking for an out and let you off the hook. She has done nothing wrong imho, but I appear to be a minority here so 🤷🏼‍♀️

This! Maybe when you asked her she was in the middle of 101 things so just replied then when in a moment of calm thought about it and realised it wasn’t sensible.
id always make it known I was buying a ticket ahead of time as it was cheaper, maybe she didn’t realise you weren’t just going to buy the ticket on the day.
I’d also add it’s always a risk buying ahead because what if one of them were ill, pretty common for kids!

How much does it cost for children also you could find a family pub or restaurant

In future ask her to buy the tickets and say you’ll transfer her the money for yours! Most family places are also
cheaper if you buy a family ticket (2 adults + 2 children’s).

I’d have sold the ticket to someone else in your shoes.

We have actually drifted apart anyway but you are absolutely right!!!! I wish I hadn’t put up with it for so long

I think you should have told her that you were going to buy your ticket / had bought it already.. she probably didn’t realise! In the same situation I would have offered to pay half for my friend or dragged my child out and stuck to the plan, but you didn’t give her the chance