Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

She sounds hard work!
It’s very annoying, I would keep any future plans with this mate very casual and suited to your situation. Some people are just shit at keeping to arrangements, and now( but in the past I’ve been a mug) I just don’t bother with them.

People are going to have to learn to cope better in the heat. I say this as someone who hated it until I moved overseas and had to adapt. She should have paid for your ticket.

Just to add as well, with friends like this I’d message the day before saying something along lines of “still up for meeting tomorrow? I’m gonna book my ticket now” then hopefully they’ll let you know either way and save you money.

I don’t understand why you didn’t tell your friend you had already bought your ticket??? Kids suffer less than adults in all different weathers in my experience

I guess she didn't realise how much her kids couldn't cope with hot weather until the hot weather actually arrived. In ticket buying situations, I always do a last minute check and make it clear I would wait to hear back from the person before I bought it, even if it had been confirmed a few days before. Doesn't help you now, but a consideration for the future!

As a PP mentioned online sales usually have a 14 day cooling off period, so if you point this out to the venue, they should refund your ticket.

I'd be really annoyed also! That is a lot of money down the drain. Don't think I'd ever pay £40 to see a friend either especially to somewhere I don't want to go.

That’s really bad on her. You checked and she said it was ok then changed her mind. I’d be wary of doing costly activities with her ever again and meet without her children

She did do a final check!

I was gonna say is it Paultons Park as you get the advance discount there. Also there is no way of getting a refund unless you have paid the cancellation insurance so not sure why people suggesting that.

I hate seeing animals in captivity. And I don't go on rides as I don't want to see my lunch again. Not everyone has the same idea of fun.

Living in a hot climate is not the same as living here where we get short bursts of hot weather and then back to normal. You can’t acclimatise in the way that you can in a hot country.

I think you need to be a bit less condescending. The OP knows her friend and the friend's situation.

She's just wasted £40 after bending over backwards to find a day out that her friend could do with the kids and wanted to do, and checking again whether she wanted to go ahead bearing in mind the weather.
The friend had plenty of opportunity to cancel earlier and/or suggest meeting and doing something else.
I'd be angry too, and there's nothing odd about that.

I think it is really hard when a friend has kids and you don't. The kids do sort of take over but I am sure she still really wants to see you, just doesn't quite know how. Could you suggest that her partner take the kids one night and you both just go out for a girly dinner? Or take some take away round to eat once kids have gone to bed?
That's how I mainly still keep my friends without kids close and I make sure that we meet for dinner near them sometimes as well and make an effort not to talk about kid stuff. So it's definitely on her as well to make some effort, but maybe try that suggestion? 25 years is a long friendship!

I have kids but I think you’re right to be pissed off, it’s annoying when people flake. I would say however that it doesn’t sound like she knew you’d bought a ticket and I would have definitely mentioned that at the time of her trying to call off.

@YoungTown YANBU OP and I totally understand why you're a bit pissed off - I would be too. It's bad enough that when you double-checked with her that it was still on, she was so positive and then subsequently cancelled, but to not even suggest an alternative so you could still meet up, given you'd set the day aside for her, isn't very nice. The only thing I think you could have done differently is, when you checked with her they were still up for it (despite the heat) you could have said "Great, I'll go ahead and buy my ticket then" which would have brought it home to her you were about to commit money (as well as time) to the outing.
And I agree that people suggesting a single, childless person go to somewhere like Peppa Pig World on their own is fatuous. 🙄
I also agree it's worth taking a step back from this friendship - seeing how quickly and enthusiastically your friend next contacts you will tell you whether it's run its course or not.
I hope you can find something nice to do with your unplanned free time OP. 😊

Kids do not suffer less in hot weather. They are more vulnerable to heatstroke and sunburn.

She isn’t a good friend to you at all op. For your own self esteem and dignity please reply and tell I bought the ticket when you confirmed and it is a lot of money to lose given they don’t offer refunds. Wait and see what she says. If she values you at all she will either offer to pay you back or honour her agreement to see you. If she does neither I would drop the friendship altogether. This could be a good test of the friendship.

You sound so thoughtful and accommodating. I'd personally never have cancelled especially if I knew you had a ticket. I'd have made sure the kids stayed in shady bits as much as possible, lolloped on suncream and sunhats, taken ice-cream breaks. And if I cancelled, I'd have invited you round instead or to something cooler. Pubs and restaurants are also an option if she's organised- yes, they're easier if they have gardens/play areas/play cafés but I always take distraction bags with sticker books, colouring etc. Your consideration deserves better treatment!

An indoor activity on a hot day is a crap alternative. Just let me be in my house, choosing whether the kids are inside or outside.

The least your friend can do is repay you for the ticket, tbh. If I let a friend down like that and left them £40 out of pocket I would insist on paying them for it. It isn't your fault they're so flaky. If you do tell her you already bought the ticket and she doesn't offer then she really isn't a friend imo.

I am going to say something very unpopular here. Why not pick up the phone and speak to your friend? Had you spoken you might have conveyed that you were going to buy up front and she would have bowed out then

I am finding that actually talking to people instead of texting gets better results. I used to find the same when I still worked. I found talking to people instead of email actually more productive

At the start of this week I was very pro booking appointments online with a GP but it has become apparent that actually talking to a GP is more effective and things don't get missed

Just my twopenny worth

When did it become normal to stop doing things 'in this heat' when 'this heat' is. eg, 32C? That's in the high 80s in Fahrenheit, which used to be exactly the sort of temperatures people got excited about and made a point of having days out in until about 15 years ago.

Anyway - YANBU. You've bent over backwards to accommodate your friend and her kids and she's been a twat.

Exactly. There’s no point in not communicating and festering. It’s perfectly possible she only started thinking about the likely problems of being outdoors all day with young children in very hot weather when you flagged it as a concern.

We went to a popular Zoo yesterday, and despite the heat, we had a lovely time - just took precautions - plenty of sun cream, hats, plenty of water etc.

Maybe your friend thought because you mentioned the heat that you were trying to find an excuse not to go?
Just thinking that might have been how she interpreted it.