Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Sorry you are being treated this way.

I would mention that you have bought a ticket as it might make her realise the extent of effort you are making. It probably won't change the plan but might avoid this situation in the future.

I would drop an email to the event and see what options are available. In really mitigating circunstances, I'm sure they can be flexible.

So the visit is Saturday but she told you Thursday evening that she didn't want to go due to the heat. It's not really last minute is it? She's given you quite a bit of notice (in my opinion). You hadn't explicitly told her that you were in process of buying a ticket.

I would give her benefit of the doubt that a) she realised how hot it was and how her children would deal with heat and gave you notice she couldn't go, b) she didn't know you'd already bought a ticket (if she had she may have dealt with it differently and apologised/tried to make it work, c) you are the one who asked her about it being hot and did she still want to go ahead - she may have thought you were understanding with cancelling it from that perspective.

I would just be honest with her and tell her you had already bought your ticket. How can she apologise if she doesn't know?

I cannot believe how much you’re being criticised for being the kind of friend that 1 thinks of the friends children , 2 already checked she was still up for it and let her know the weather was going to be hot , 3 gets zero apology or back up plans made just cancelled on . I honestly cannot believe the women on here . Do you know what I have kids (they’re teens now) but were once little and I’ve never pulled this stunt on anyone , entitled behaviour.

Bloody hell - Some people are really reaching on here to put you in the wrong!

OP - you sound like a thoughtful person, very clued into your friend's situation, and bending over backwards to make keeping the friendship going easy for her. In return, she's flaked on you in this instance, and you are right to be miffed.

I wonder why she didn't suggest an alternative plan for the day, such as meeting at her place or somewhere indoors with air con.

I'd be annoyed in your shoes. The weather had been forecast for several days and so your friend could have said no way earlier in the week.

She perhaps hadn’t looked at the weather and then checked and thought oh no, she obviously wanted to see you but then actually thought about it

She is completely unreasonable and you are right. There is zero reason the kids couldn’t come for a couple of hours. You asked and gave noticed - she is a terrible friend and clearly not a great parent if it’s taken over her whole life!

This. I mean, obviously the OP didn’t do anything wrong, except perhaps recognise that parents wrangling multiple young children tend not to pre-book unless strictly necessary as there’s always someone getting ill at the last minute.

Instinctively, I wouldn’t have pre-booked in the OP’s situation as, regardless of the weather, there’s a higher than average chance of a cancellation on the day when several children are involved.

I don't know if anyone's already suggested it (only really read the OP's messages) but you could try offering it up as being available on a local FB group. Especially if you're willing to drop the price a little so someone's getting a bargain and you're still getting most of your money back

Ridiculous cancelling because its 30

Surely you want it to be warm in summer rather than raining

People moan about it being too hot here then holiday in Spain where its 40c!.

I hate people cancelling last minute

I voted YABU.

I think you went too far in accommodating her needs by arranging to go to somewhere so child orientated that costs £40 entrance, just so you can have a catch up. That's a bit daft.

Also buying a ticket and not telling her you were going to do that is on you. I would imagine if you had said ' Well I'm going to book my ticket now, so that's a definite that you are going?' ', I would imagine she might have asked you to hold off.

Flakey friends are a nuisance, but everyone has the right to cancel plans.

Obviously you need to do something more low key with your friend in future, and without the kids in the background.

She might have thought that it was too expensive for her and her children.

It’s annoying and frustrating, especially as you’re trying to bend over backwards to do things that suit her and her kids, when I’m sure you’d much rather just go for a nice, child-free lunch. You sound like a good friend in that respect.

However a large part of this is on you for not communicating properly. When you asked her if she was still up for it, and she said yes, you should’ve been explicit that you were about to buy your ticket. If she knew you had a ticket, maybe she wouldn’t have cancelled? But she didn’t know, so she didn’t think it was that big a deal. Especially because you messaged her offering her an out, with the whole “do you still want to go because of the heat?” She may have thought this was your way of saying you weren’t actually that fussed anymore. You should’ve said from the off you were getting your ticket, and suggested she buy hers in advance too, if it’s cheaper. Just such a lack of proper communication. And then when you relied with “never mind”…well more fool you. Stand up for yourself. Tell her you bought your ticket and it’s non refundable. Tell her you double checked with her, she said yes, now you feel screwed over. But if you don’t speak up, don’t expect anything.

She is a pathetic, flaky shit. So sorry OP.
No doubt she has had a 'better offer' and is fobbing you off.

I understand the frustration, but it would have been cheaper to buy a family ticket anyway! (usually 2 adults and 2 kids)

Take yourself for a nice drive and go to the park yourself or sell the ticket for cash for 10 pounds less than you did.

Does your town have a facebook info sharing page?
Someone might be interested.

Not difficult to tell on here who the flakey friends are - you know as you get older you don’t always have as much opportunity to make friends via kids and schools etc - it’s important to be a good friend if you want to keep friends and ideally be considerate, especially if spending money is involved - personally if I didn’t feel I wanted to go with kids in heat I would have asked the friend to come round instead or suggested an alternative, or at the very least would have ‘asked’ if she had bought a ticket and given it her back - I think the problem is the friend clearly means more to the OP than she does to the friend. It happens.

I.can understand you feeling disappointed because it makes you question whether she actually wants to see you at all.
in the shoes of probably let it drift and see if she gets in touch to rearrange

She doesnt want to go, did you read? Its a kids place

What?!

They’ve been before many times. We arranged it about 2 months ago. It’s not the type of place you can’t google and have a look. It’s also not the sort of place you’d expect to be cheap.

Honestly some of the replies are getting silly now. I will fully accept I shouldn’t have booked without checking again. I will accept I should have told her I already booked my ticket. But I will not accept that I was being unreasonable to suggest the venue in the first place or accept that my friend who is in her mid 40s is so daft she doesn’t know how much a place costs that she’s been to before.

so? still contact them, preferably by phone.

its been less than 24 hours they may be lenient. it doesn't hurt to ask does it?

I’ll be honest not having kids myself that didn’t even cross my mind! But yes that would have been better.

It's done now so I'd either go alone or try and sell the ticket on a local FB page.

I'm cancelling my plans tomorrow (albeit not paid plans but there are a group of us due to meet somewhere outside) as the kids will just be too hot.

* I'd already said we were a maybe and not a definite due to the weather and i'd confirm nearer the time, so cancelling is no big deal.

This stuff about not checking the weather is bollocks - you’d have to be living in a cave not to have heard about the upcoming heatwave.

OP I agree with you - I would text and say ‘look I know I said it was okay, but actually I had already purchased my ticket and now I’m out £40 so I’m quite put out. I paid that amount of money because I wanted to spend time with you. I checked you were still up for it and you said yes. Please let me know further in advance next time’. Is she notorious for cancelling?

can you resell your ticket on Facebook to a local for £20 or £30? Recoup some of your money and take yourself out somewhere else instead?