Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Tell her. Just tell her that you wasted 40 quid and she cancelled and that going forward you will only suggest places that cost nothing and don't allow kids.

And stick to it.

You didn’t do anything wrong. I think she should carry on going as planned as you’ve brought the ticket. You did a last minute check and she confirmed!

You’ve learned a valuable lesson here OP - always book together if you’re going alone with another family. Or at least make it clear to your friend when she confirms that you’re going to go ahead book your ticket now. Yes, rightly or wrongly, parents do sometimes need you to be that direct in the busyness of family life.

Anything can happen with kids - one could have been ill the night before and the whole thing would have been off. If you’d booked together, your friend would have been more inclined to just go for it and honour the plan (in this case re the weather). Or, if it had been illness for example, you could have likely contacted the venue for a date swap - no reputable family venue is going to refuse this in reality. You could still try the latter. But honestly, in the future, just plan to meet at a playpark or low cost family friendly venue. If you don’t have a lot of spare cash to waste, don’t spend it on something that’s not even really for your benefit.

All that said, your friend was thoughtless to pull out. But that was your moment to say you’d already booked.

There are some people I am friends with that I arrange an activity with and then whilst we might chat between arranging and meeting I never feel the need to confirm.

There are others who the day before I will always ask are we still on. Because I have been dicked around by them so many times and they are notorious for cancelling last minute. Two different people that have form for this in particular, on the last occasions we have arranged to meet have cancelled on the day itself, despite confirming the day before that they are still going ahead.

Flakey people are just fucking flakey. You know who they are because you feel the need to check that you’re still meeting ahead of time. If it wasn’t the weather she probably would’ve cancelled for another reason. It’s just rude

@YoungTown i have 2 kids and I am actually on your side, for the most part.

I think it was really shitty of her to say yes, let’s still go then an hour later cancel.

but, what I would suggest for any future things like this is that 1 person agrees to buy the tickets and the others send the money. That way everyone is on the same page!

Why couldn’t she bring her children? I frequently take my toddlers to restaurants/pub type places to meet friends? I’m trying to picture the type of place you’ve booked, but if I didn’t have children I would suggest places like the national trust, not child centered activities as frankly I’d not be bothered about going. Is it an outdoor farm type place? I find places like that aren’t great for catchups anyway as your friend will spend the entire time focused on her kids.

I also don’t understand the heat thing, because couldn’t you have met in the morning to do the day out before Lunch? I live abroad and it’s often 40c daily and we just do activities earlier in the morning.

Could you sell your ticket on a local site to get some of the funds back? I know that’s not the point to this but just a suggestion!

I would feel the den as you but would have responded ‘aw No, I have just booked my ticket’

I would reply and say 'do you know anyone who would like to go to......... as I've bought a ticket as you were still up for it so I'm looking at selling on to recoup the money so I'm not out of pocket'

I normally buy all the tickets together and message the person to either say "you get the tickets and I'll pay you back" or "I'm buying us all tickets now, it's £x for you guys here are my bank details"
It's annoying she's cancelled but she probably doesn't think she's done anything wrong, because she doesn't even know you're out of pocket

Despite the T&C’s I’d still ask if they can be deferred to another date - worst they can do is say no , just tell them you’ve got Covid or something they won’t want

Honestly 36 hours is reasonable notice. Any earlier, and the weather forecast could be wrong.

I think it's difficult if friends have difference in lifestyle. She has kids,you Don't. Plans are much more likely to fall through with DC.one may have been ill.not wanted to go.the heat here in South coast is on Amber alert. Many plans may collapse. Can you sell on FB maybe. Or just go along for the morning, have some lunch or a coffee. Come home and chill in the afternoon. That's what I do!

As you said you think the friendship has run it's course... You're probably right.... If you do get a chance to see her again make sure it's just you and her. Xxx

You were thoughtful but she isnt a mind reader, you could have said oh it would be good to meet up how about X pub or if the kids are with you Y venue.

And when she cancelled if you say OK nevermind how would she know you're out if pocket, she may even think shes done you a favour too because it was you suggesting the weather was an issue. Id talk to her

If you prefer to meet in a pub do that next time - kids are no problems in pubs, they can play a game (bring uno!) or go in the garden if the weather is nice.

I agree with the others here, both of you should have communicated more openly about when you were buying tickets, an 'ok booking my ticket now, are you going to book yours in advance too" type thing.

Oh my god who wants to go somewhere with loads of kids if they don’t have kids? 🙈 I have 4 kids and even I don’t want to go anywhere where there’s loads of them! She isn’t a wimp if she just doesn’t fancy it ffs.

I think your friend is at fault here as you have suggested a kid friendly place and checked that it would be ok in the heat. She would also assume you’d buy your ticket in advance if it’s a lot cheaper so that’s also not your fault.

if she’s never been to your house and you do a lot of kid things with her that’s really nice of you as when I had a child most of my friends dropped me as wanted to do other stuff. To see how your friendship may or may not turn out as she’s now cancelled an outdoor event due to heat I would invite her and the kids to your house tomorrow for an indoor picnic. Gets the kids out of their house and she gets to see your home.

some of my friends and family haven’t seen my home after 6years so I’m now LC NC with them all as it hurts a lot. I invited my oldest school friend to mine any weekend of her choice this year for our big birthdays and to see my home and I got a no. That’s after a 40plus year friendship so you are best off knowing sooner rather than later if that’s going to happen.

It strikes me that OP was making all the running. OP is aggrieved that her friend had not made the effort to come to her house and she felt she was putting herself out by always arranging meet ups.

Perhaps OP should take a step back and see if her friend suggests opportunities for getting together.

The friend may feel she is being dominated.

If the friend contacts OP then OP should ask the friend to arrange something. If she doesn’t then OP has her answer. The friendship has run it’s course.

Still ask. Where I work the t & c’s say the same thing but we still change them..

Sorry haven’t read the full thread but maybe next time get her to book and send payment through when she’s booked 🤔

It depends on were you are. People are being advised to not be out in the heat if older, or with primary aged children. There's been dozens of people treated for heat stroke at Ascot.
This has all been caused by the OP jumping the gun and booking her ticket, when as a pp pointed out, it would have been cheaper again to get a family ticket. Children shouldn't be getting dragged around in this weather.

What an utter snowflake ❄️

It's hardly the Sahara and water can be taken, do things at a slower pace etc.

Yanbu, your friend sounds softer than a marshmallow. Xx

This isn't really flaking - as you say, it would be unfair to force her children outside all day in this heat. She's had to make a decision based on her kids' best interests.

Did she even know you'd planned to buy in advance? Did you tell her you were doing so because of the discount?

If not then she'll have had no idea that she was costing you money by pulling out.

TBF, knowing what the weather was forecast to be for this weekend and that money is tight, you really should have waited until the last possible minute and triple checked with her. Surely she'd have wanted to take advantage of the discount too?