Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Surely you’d say ‘ah never! I’ve booked my ticket after I checked with you we were still on’ and see what she says? Or ask her if she knows anyone who could take the ticket off your hands? This way she knows she’s left you in a bit of a spot and offers her the opportunity to come up with a solution. Better than pretending it’s fine and then fuming about it in silence.

But that's what the friend did. She said "I can't make it now" a few days before

Unfortunately that was after OP had brought the ticket

Which is why checking is helpful before committing money

That's really annoying.

Perhaps her kids are not coping very well in the heat and she was being optimistic when she said it would be fine?

I'd be more apologetic if I'd cancelled, although maybe she doesn't see the problem with you going alone? Some people are.

Happier to do these things on their than others.

Sorry, but it’s not that hot. A hat, some spf and water and the kids would have been fine. This is really poor from her.

I can totally understand your frustration and it being the manner at which it was done that bothers you more than the actual cancellation.
Could you offer the ticket for a slightly reduced price on a local Facebook page so you at least get a little bit of your money back? X

YANBU from your perspective, bless you you’d done everything you could to make it easier for her in terms of suitable venue and offering to cancel.

But from a parental perspective she probably thought you wouldn’t buy the tickets until as late as possible- most of these places still give you the discount as long as you book the day before. And with kids you nearly always book as late as possible if you can because something often comes up, whether it’s a kid being ill or the weather not being suitable for them. She probably thought 36 hours notice was enough - you should have told her you’d already booked the ticket

You might be able to sell the ticket on FB? You probably won’t get the full amount for it but better than losing £40.

That's so annoying. I'd let her know you've got a ticket, and ask if she has friends with older kids that might be better with the heat that you can sell it to so you're not out of pocket.

Can’t believe people here trying to say it’s your error for booking. You arranged a date. You double checked it was still on (which really you shouldn’t have to do), she confirmed and then she bailed. Entirely her fault for being rude and flakey.

If you've not seen her for 6 months and she cancelled at such short notice, I'd think this wasn't a friendship really anymore. More like acquaintances. Just move on and find people on your wave length. Some people just aren't cut out for friendship sadly.

Cancelling because of the weather is not only reasonable, but very sensible. She should offer to pay for her ticket, however.

Sell the ticket on a resale site or ebay or your local whatsapp or faceborg group

Possibly four days ago, the temperature was just a number - it can be hard to visualise/remember exactly how your body feels at a given temperature if it’s been a while since you experienced it. Today, after being in the hot temperatures for 4 days and seeing it will be getting hotter, she’s just thought, sorry but we can’t do this.

People’s bodies cope differently. What feels comfortable or ‘not too hot’ to you may be completely different to somebody else. And a hat and a bottle of water aren’t much help if you are out somewhere with no shade or seating.

You should have said “great, I’ll book my ticket now” when she first said she was still up for it. As you didn’t you should have replied with “oh really? That’s a shame, I already bought my ticket”. It was bad of her to cancel after already confirming, but if she didn’t realise you’d already bought your ticket it wouldn’t seem the biggest deal to be fair to her. Keep future arrangements with her far more casual.

I'm not surprised you're annoyed. If there was any doubt in her mind, looking at the weather forecast, she should have at least said let's wait til nearer the time. That's nice of you to offer to join her at an expensive family venue. I don't expect my childless friends to do that kind of thing.

There's nothing to be done now but I would take a step back and if you do meet, don't book in advance.

Pop her a message and ask her if she can recommend a local site to put your ticket up for sale. At least that way she knows you were invested and happy to get some money back. May be a bit passive aggressive but at least this way you may make some money back?

If you checked it was still on SIX TIMES, that sort of implies a doubt that it will go ahead? Ditto with the OP questioning if going ahead multiple times.

As PP have said, OP, you need to communicate more clearly. I'm surprised neither of you suggested an alternative plan either earlier in the week or at the point your friend cancelled.

With kids - especially three! - plans are always dependent on weather/sickness/whatever anyway.

It's not ok though, is it? Why pretend you don't mind, when in fact you do mind (and rightly so, imo)?

You've been friends a very long time, I'd have no qualms gently pulling her up on it: oi friend! After you confirmed we were still on, I got a ticket, you could've given me a heads up when you changed your mind.

You're still out of pocket, but at least she knows she's inconvenienced you. No point seething in silence.

People like the person who dropped out make me sick. I would have said a heck of a lot more than ‘never mind’. For me, that friendship would be over!
She’s a selfish, thoughtless, entitled woman who doesn’t deserve any friends if this is how she treats them!

I don't know where you are but where I am the forecast for tomorrow has suddenly gone up another 5°C that's a big difference especially for children!

So OP is in the wrong for being considerate?

Wow!! Just wow!!

She changed her mind; that's all, and with a decent reason. You appreciate that this happens?

I'm also not sure she knew that OP was stuck with a refundable ticket.

Came here to say the same. I wonder if the friend thought the op wanted a reason not to go.