Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Yes, I'd be annoyed. You had more forethought than her, to check the weather and think about the suitability for her children. She clearly didn't heed the warning until later, and that's her fault. In her position I'd offer to pay for your ticket because my delay in making a sensible decision cost you money. Does she know you've bought a ticket and can't use it now?

That’s not what the person said who was being quoted. I do get the people who are saying I should have triple checked before buying. The other person said:

You suggested the place, she probably thought her cancelling wasn't a big deal because you could just go on your own.
You're kinda blaming her for you being too wimpish to go alone. Her not going doesn't stop you. It's not like you bought her ticket and now that's useless. You bought your own ticket, and you can still go. Just go.

It’s a similar place to Peppa pig world. So yes people ARE being ridiculous to suggest I go by myself. Saying I should have checked again first I will accept that was on me. But saying it’s my fault and I’m too wimpish for not wanting to go by myself is daft.

Well if I was your friend I would want to know you spent the money, that would give me the chance to offer to at least pay half of it as I could imagine making the same decision as your friend but not realising you had paid for a ticket in advance. If I was not worried about money at all I'd offer to pay it all. You haven't given her a chance to offer. She might not but you haven't even given her that opportunity as she is not aware of what happened.

Of course you should say. “FFS, friend, I literally just asked you to confirm you’re still on for this due to the weather and you said you were, so I bought a ticket - and now you’re cancelling?! WTF?!”

I think her lack of apology when cancelling is not that bad as she didn’t know you had a ticket. As you’d suggested cancelling a few days before, she probably thought you’d be fine with cancelling now (which you probably would have been if you hadn’t bought the ticket). Your breezy “no problem” answer does nothing to dispel that notion. So as a one-off I wouldn’t think too much of that. In future I would probably double-check at the point of actually spending the money to avoid that scenario (that’s what friends and I usually do, often then booking as a group or effectively pretty much at the same time).

But the fact that she hasn’t bothered to then replace the plans to make sure she sees you soon is not good, I agree. It doesn’t sound as if she’s making much effort with you. Maybe a response putting the ball clearly in her court to contact you before you then step back as you suggest.

The issue isnt that you did check again, but you have not told her that you have a ticket. And you should tell her now.

If she does not know that you have a ticket, there is nothing for her to apologise for. And if she does not know you have a ticket, there is no reason for her to say "we can handle the heat, let's go anyway".

Oh God, I’m actually properly laughing at the idea of people suggesting you should go on your own to a theme park🤣 Very few people would give that a nanosecond of serious consideration. Of course someone will come along and insist on how much they love going to theme parks by themselves. But they will be the exception. Most of the fun is in the shared experience.

This - OP you should go back and say, ‘actually I confirmed with you that you were going and went ahead and bought my ticket on that. I am now out of pocket and really a bit peed off.’

I disagree and I think your friend is a flake. If she didn't even mention rescheduling or doing something else then she doesn't seem to be into your friendship so I can see why you think it's run it's course.

Maybe next time say I'm about to buy the tickets so are you absolutely sure. However with her I'd say. I bought my non refundable tickets so I'm a bit stuffed now loosing the £40. Let me know if your still up for meeting soon. I will leave the venue for you to choose.

This^
She was specifically asked if she’s ok with this weather. The forecast was available 4 days ago. She is in the wrong and it’s plain rude on her side.
However I agree with others OP that you should never book non refundable things if you have children in the mix. They are very unreliable and annoyingly tend to spoil your plans.

Interestingly many people seem perfectly capable of doing activities with families when in Spain, Turkey, Greece etc at 30 degrees. not all either involving hanging round a pool or sea.

Their climate is not our climate where we get short bursts of hot weather followed by normal service, so there’s no chance of acclimatising. So if you struggle with heat you’re stuffed.

I was in holiday last year in a hot country and by the end of the three weeks I was just about getting used to it, so of course if I lived there I’d be fine.

If there’s two adults and two kids, why wouldn’t you buy a family ticket for even more of a discount? Going places with other people, surely you buy all the tickets together?

Anyway, you made your choice to buy a ticket. Go, or don’t go. There can be any number of reasons she has changed her mind at the last minute. Perhaps she thought it would be fine, but then her kids still weren’t sleeping due to the hot weather, two more days of that means you really don’t want to go anywhere. Maybe she hadn’t realised how hot it was going to be. She hasn’t just done it on a whim.

To be fair she doesn't sound like she thinks about you all that much as she should have let you know when you first text her that she changed her mind. To be honest though, I just let it go. Yes it's wasted the money, but you wouldn't have a good time with hot complaining kids either. Maybe steer clear from anything expensive next time as she's clearly flaky and doesn't value your money that much.

Interestingly, many will also avoid spending the hottest part of the day outside. Some have kids who are ok with heat, like my brother and sister were, and some will have some who aren’t, like I was. I spent most summers as a kid hiding in the shade to try to avoid getting Prickly Heat (it didn’t work!)

Poor you. I get why you’re upset she does t sound like she has much time for you and when you bend over backwards for her, she does’t seem to appreciate it. I would step back now, try to sell your ticket somehow, and then message her again and say ‘Hope you guys stay cool this weekend. I’m trying to sell my ticket fingers crossed’.

I was going to suggest this too. Worst case you are still out of pocket but at least she knows. Best case she might actually know someone or be able to put it on a school/daycare WhatsApp group as a discounted ticket to what people would buy on the day.

To me it sounds like the friendship has run its course. I would just focus my time and energy on other friendships. You are at different places in life atm. It seems like you have made a lot of effort to keep the friendship going, but it is not reciprocated.

I think this is some and some.

I agree that you have assumed quite a bit. You suggested the venue because you thought that would be best for her kids. You could have said, you choose because you have the kids. She might have felt more ownership and responsibility then to follow through.

Then, instead of your 'weather looks hot, do you still want to go', approach, better to have said, I'm buying my ticket now as it's cheaper in advance. Shall I get yours or are you OK to do that?
Once you mention doubts and weather, it gave her a perfect out.

But the other some, is that she doesn't seem bothered about your plans or about rearranging to a cooler venue, so yes, it's disappointing and flakey of her not to at least check you aren't out of pocket.

You could ask if she already bought her ticket because you had and perhaps she could pass hers on to you so you can take someone else.

Can you try and sell the ticket on Twickets maybe for slightly less? Could be someone is looking to make up numbers in a group and wants a bargain. You might recoup something. Worth a try?

I guess you have sunk £40, but you won't be sinking anymore in food/drink/travel costs etc so a small gain perhaps?

@BoredZelda yes I do get that too - it’s the fact that the friend hasn’t suggested an indoor alternative if she is unaware the friend bought a ticket that makes me think it may well be she can’t be arsed

I wouldn't be happy either. Is there anything adults where you are going - I know some places are kid focused but have adult gardens for example? Or maybe someone else who would go with you?

I hate the notion that someone should ask repeatedly again and again after confirming. I once confirmed a plan with a then friend SIX times, she cancelled and upon my questioning she goes “you should have asked a final time.” OP confirmed, the weather forecast was available.

OP, I’ve had luck calling places directly and explaining circumstances for date changes and/or refunds. Don’t sound angry, just see if you can get someone on the phone, lead with “there’s likely nothing you can do but I’m calling to see if you can…” and explain the situation. Worst they can say is no.

This. (And an excellent suggestion as to how you can let her know you did, in fact, buy a ticket, having not mentioned it previously.)

The point of being upfront with her is that it might stop her doing the same thing again, and also lets her know that being flakey affects other people, maybe she will reflect on her behaviour. So

'Oh that's rather annoying, I aked if you were Ok with going because of the weather and you said you were, so I bought my ticket. Now I'm £40 down as its a kids event and I can't really go on my own.'

If she takes umbrage, let her - you are the injured party not her, up to her to apologise for her inconsiderate flakiness. If you pussy foot around and say 'never mind' when you do mind, then people will carry on messing you about.

I’m a bit pissed off. Sometimes in life you are allowed to be a bit pissed off. It won’t dominate my thoughts for the entire weekend. It’s just happened so right now I’m a bit pissed off. I think my anger is also more upset due to the fact she didn’t suggest doing something else or rearranging another time. So I feel a bit shit. Not unreasonably/oddly angry. Just a bit pissed off.