Last minute cancellation due to weather

[YoungTown]

AIBU to be a bit pissed off in this situation?

I had plans with a friend to go to an outdoor activity this weekend. It costs money to get in (£40 adult) and it’s not somewhere I would go alone (I do not have children). It’s mainly aimed at families. When originally organising meeting my friend I suggested the place so she didn’t need to get a babysitter for the kids and it would mean they wouldn’t be bored and I could still see her.

I text her a few days ago asking if she still wanted to go because the weather looked very hot for Saturday. She replied the following day saying absolutely they were all looking forward to it. So last night I bought my ticket because you get a discount booking in advance. An hour later she cancelled. Due to the hot weather. I don’t have much money at the moment and I can’t get a refund. So I’m now stuck with a ticket to a place that’s useless to me. She also didn’t even suggest another option or apologise. She just said it’s too hot and her children would struggle too much.

Obviously I can’t really insist she should come as it’s the children who would suffer anyway and it’s not their fault. But AIBU to still be pissed off that she left it to less than 36 hours before to cancel and leave me out of pocket despite me giving her an out just a few days before? I’ve just replied with ok never mind. There’s not really much else I can say. But I’m just so angry at myself that I’ve wasted that money. It’s a lot of money to me right now and I was only suggesting the place in the first place for her benefit.

Hi op, you sound very thoughtful trying to plan things around your friend’s kids so you can see her. Just a word of warning though that 4 days is generally too far in advance to confirm with kids. They can get very sick at short notice and also in this situation she probably didn’t realise how bad the heat would be/how her kids would struggle to cope with it, and has now seen that they didn’t cope well yesterday, so is cancelling asap as soon as she realised. Definitely ask her to book for you in future and then reimburse her - you can be included on her family ticket if the place does one.

I also agree that very kid-specific places aren’t ideal as then she’ll have to spend all her time running after them. In good weather your best bet is a picnic in a park.

I hope you can salvage the friendship but you might have to give friend a bit of grace until the kids are a bit older.

edit:typos

Hindsight is a wonderful thing! Yes, on reflection you should have checked with your friend at the time of purchasing the ticket, and told her you were buying the ticket. Again, when she cancelled you should have told her you'd just bought your ticket because she told you less than 48 hours previously, she was still coming. Your friend didn't know you'd bought your ticket, and may have assumed you were purchasing it on the day. Your only option is to try and sell it via social media, if the venue doesn't offer refunds or to change the date (which is normal practice). Otherwise, unfortunately, yes, you've lost the money.

Flakey people are flakey and it won’t change. If this happens a lot then you either decide you don’t want her in your life or make your arrangements in such a way that it doesn’t affect you if she comes or not. It stakes the anger out of the situation ifyswim.

how did she respond when you told her you just wasted £40 after double checking with her?

I would write it off as experience and not make plans with her again if there is a cost involved. really rude of her.

She’s not unreasonable to not want to go due to the heat, but absolutely should have said that when you checked, before you got the ticket.

I’d go anyway, if it’s a zoo or something similar it’s much more pleasant to visit without children.

You're both unreasonable for agreeing to an outdoor activity with (presumably young) children in this forecast heat. I imagine, once she sampled said heat yesterday, she realised it was not actually doable/safe/sensible. Common sense on your part, given the forecast, was that it would likely end up being cancelled and to not pay anything in advance.

Zoos and theme parks are pretty fun as an adult! Even Peppa Pig world has adult rides.

Could you message her and say
“do you happen to know of anyone who is planning to go to X place today? I only suggested it as you have kids and I didnt want them to be bored but now we are not meeting up, I am stuck with this £40 ticket! Its non-refundable - do you know anyone who might want to buy it off me?”

She wont know of anyone, of course, but it would give her the idea that she has dropped you right in it with her flakiness.

And before everyone jumps on me for being super passive aggressive, well, yes. But just very occasionally I feel that it is called for!!

Your friend should have suggested you check with each other one more time before booking tickets, as she was the one whose children might suffer in the heat, so it was up to her to be on the ball about it. Something like ‘I think we probably are going, but let’s wait until a bit closer to the time before booking in case it’s going to be any hotter’ Thank goodness you weren’t buying the tickets for everyone, which is what I tend to do before an event. One person buys and the other gives them the money. It was a good idea to pick somewhere that the children would be busy and not bored. Such a shame it backfired. I would definitely have told her I had bought the ticket though. There’s no way I would leave it like that.

I’d try to sell the ticket on myself
if the venue is close by then you’ll be able to sell it in the car park! V annoying though.

Sorry this is a ridiculous response.

And this is why I text her the week of the event when the weather was predicted to be 30+ to see if she still wanted to go. Obviously I understand it’s very hot to be outside all day with or without children. I specifically mentioned the weather in the text. She said she still wanted to go and they were all looking forward to it. She’s lived here her whole life. Sampling 30 degree heat isn’t a new thing. In fact she was in Disney Florida with the kids last summer holidays. She knows what heat is like.

But don’t worry I know for future now and I will not be arranging anything with friends that involve their children anymore. I get the message!

I think it's unusual not to mutually confirm when you are buying a ticket. Even if non-refundable in T&Cs, you might get lucky in moving the date to another weekend, so set a new date and move your ticket to then. You really must tell her you have a ticket though!!

There’s a lot of assumptions you’re making. You’ve assumed the venue because you think she can only do family oriented activities because you’re assuming she wouldn’t be able to come without them.

I think you need to learn to communicate better. She may actually prefer a lunch in a pub without the kids. As said upthread, I always make a point of confirming when the tickets are being purchased.

You can’t win on here can you. If I was suggesting to meet her alone in a bar (when she has no family nearby for babysitting) I’d be accused of not thinking of her situation. If I suggest things that allow me to see her with her kids I get told I’m in the wrong there as well.

You are being oddly angry about this.

I am very grateful that my friends without kids were very understanding when my kids were young, and forgave me when I couldn't remember what I was doing from one day to the next.

My point is, rather than texting her to see if she still wanted to go, you should have texted her and cancelled. Or changed venue to indoor. The plan wasn't doable, no matter how much she was looking forward to it. She obviously also should have cancelled at that stage. Hence you're both unreasonable.

the way see it is that you agree to do something, you should just reach out if the plan is going to be changed/cancelled.

But that's exactly what the friend did. It was just unfortunate that the OP had already bought her own ticket.

If she hadn't, it would he a complete non issue. There's always going to he a point where one person will have bought the advance ticket and the other hasn't unless you buy together.

You're not being criticised for your choice of venue. You're being criticised for firstly, not checking just before you bought the ticket, and for not telling her you had already bought a ticket when she cancelled. If she knew you had a ticket, she might not have wanted to put you out and gone anyway.

I’m not making assumptions. I’ve known her 25 years. I know her situation. She doesn’t have any close family etc nearby for babysitting. It’s a huge hassle for her to organise things like that.

For context, I have seen her many times in parks and soft play (a while back now though as her kids are growing out of that now). I’ve nearly always been the one to travel to her house since she’s had them. (I’ve lived in my house 2 years and she’s never been round). I have tried so hard not to be “that” friend that disappears when someone has kids. Because if I did that I’d get accused of being a bad friend then as well.

I also probably wouldn’t have been as annoyed had I had at least an apology or an alternative suggestion. It was just a straight out cancellation. So maybe that’s why I’m upset. Clearly she isn’t actually bothered about seeing me. I think I’ll just leave the friendship now. If she gets in touch I’ll reassess then.

Also, it’s weird to say “assumed the venue” when suggesting a day out. I text her and said “how do you fancy a day out at X with the kids on X date?” She is perfectly within her rights to reply and say “you know what I’d much rather a pub lunch just with you! I’ll organise a babysitter!”

This is the sort of ridiculous comment I come to MN for!

It has adult rides for the benefit of parents who have taken their children and who like rides. Not because it's somewhere that solo adults would choose to go. No matter how much they love theme parks.

How is it not do-able? They were all in Florida last August at Disney for a week! They survived the heat! A few hours outside in this heat isn’t totally impossible although it isn’t ideal I agree.

How far away is it? It’s too late to sell online, but I’d be tempted to drive to the venue and offer your ticket to people arriving for £30. (If it’s not too far away)

Flog your ticket on a local Facebook group/group for the attraction maybe?
It might be that when you discussed it, the weather was hotting up a little but still manageable for her/dc, but then after yesterday she realised a full day (presumably) outside in it would be too much so not a good idea.
Bit shit she didn't just invite you over/suggest an air-conditioned alternative though.