OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

[Zahia]

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

Nothing was broken or missing?
How do you know they’ve been “messed with”?

Things were out of place and upside down etc, when I showed him he asked his friends and they said yes they had messed with them

They were on display? So did they pick them up and look at them or something? Are they dolls and they put them in compromising positions?

They were on display, but no not that interesting as compromised dolls! They had just moved them all around and upside down etc for fun. They are not items that would be interesting to pick up and look at otherwise.

Are they in a private space such as your bedroom? Is it your house or a shared house?
I don’t understand this at all tbh. An apology you have to ask for is not really an apology btw.

You sound a bundle of laughs!

I don't really understand what you gained by a forced apology? What does it matter? They messed with them, nothing was damaged, you put them back as they were.

I think drunk people aren't typically on their best behavior. Your BF took responsibility and apologized, nothing was broken or damaged, as long as he promised not to let them do it again, I would have let it go.

I don't know that he should be angry with you, but I don't think you should have gotten belabored the issue of the friends' apology. Not a hill I would have died on. And, you could have asked for the apology yourself if it was important to you.

Take a chill pill, if they're that precious maybe they shouldn't be on display. It was a bit childish of them, but so is your reaction.

This would have pissed me off too op but I think you’ve gone a bit far embarrassing your partner like that. Making them apologise would have been really cringe for him. I’m sure if he said to them they were out of order they’d have felt bad or even apologised willingly

Very OTT reaction, don’t think his friends will be visiting again.

I think it’s utterly weird for people to move and turn your pictures upside down in your house, not something I’ve ever contemplated doing when drunk - even as a prank to someone who isn’t a close friend in my teens

It's not a big deal

They are immature drunken prats. It’s bad behaviour to mess with people’s sentimental stuff.

That said, I think requesting an apology was a bit strange. It’s not much of an apology from an adult if you ask them for it.

I think your partner should have profusely apologised to you, but I can see why he’d think it very embarrassing/odd to be made to demand an apology from his friends.

But the fact remains, their behaviour was not acceptable.

Maybe just put them back again? And then forget about it.

I may have asked please take more care next time possibly I may have acted like him if someone treated me lile a naughty school child

Don't sweat the small stuff. You'll be so much happier

I agree with Mintsj. It's over now. At least they know you weren't happy and may behave more respectfully next time they visit. (Not that I'd shed a tear if they are reluctant to visit again; one of them can host instead!)

You could apologise to your husband, but maybe it's best to just let it go, at this point.

Forced apologies are weird, they just are. And I’d be with your OH on this. Please rethink your attitude to apologies, and why people give them, before having children.

I think your OH taking full responsibility was a very good reaction and should have been enough. But you put him in an awkward and humiliating position having to go to his friends. That's a difficult one to get over.

You’re acting like his Mom.

It sucks they touched your stuff but you are overreacting about nothing.

Particularly as nothing was damaged. 🤦‍♀️

Does your H often get drunk and give his drunken friends the run of your home when you are away?

I would be furious that he had so little respect for your home and for your personal possessions.

He sounds like an obnoxious irresponsible teenager.

This sounds like a massive overreaction - they picked up some items on display for a closer look and put them back differently? Why is that an issue? The forced apology is just embarrassing.

The issue isn’t your things being moved around for fun or otherwise as I see it, but the fact you feel violated and uncomfortable in your own home.

Having drunk people in your home whilst you are not there is really unpleasant, and then you add in the disrespect of your things, I can totally see why you feel like you do.

I would be looking to move out, or move him out. Your home should be a safe space where you feel
relaxed and calm. How can you feel like that with drunk people around? And your boyfriend isn’t taking care of anything because he is too drunk. It doesn’t sound ideal to me.

Your bf has no right to be angry with you. Now you are having to wait until he calms down? This isn’t right at all.