OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

[Zahia]

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

Did they hang framed photographs upside down? Put them back in the wrong order?

I think I’d be more bemused by this than anything. But it’s your stuff and it’s clearly rubbed you up the wrong way, rather than made you think that it’s kind of cool that they were remotely interested.

Or do you suspect they were taking the piss?

I completely understand your point of view and I’m surprised others don’t. I have things in my house that I’ve inherited, combined they are worth about £10 so not a lot, but sentimentally they mean a lot to me and I would be upset if they were messed with. I shouldn’t have to hide them away from other adults in my house, fair enough children that don’t yet know better.

I would agree with this and would be re-thinking the relationship.

I have just read down-thread that you are all in your 30's. so one would expect better behaviour than this.

Shouldn't have to lock everything away in your own home.

Maybe that's why these mankids behave that way, overly permissive parents who haven't taught them basic respect.

^ this nails it

Not at all.

So?!

Your reaction seems disproportionate. Are you actually angry about something else and using this as a way to vent? I can’t understand it. Surely you would have mentioned beforehand that no friends were allowed to touch your didgeridoo.

A collection of magnets, photos, various items all displayed on a wall board. A lot are quite delicate, none of them I would be able to replace as they are from the countries I visited. It's quite a busy display as I've travelled quite a bit. They had turned them upside down and moved things around to the point I was unsure if anything was missing or broken and had to check. Really sentimental to me and I cried when I saw and realised someone had messed with it. I don't feel it was from genuine interest in the stuff, as if you were interested you could just look, none of the items need taking off the wall to see closer.

It will be the latter. It was to let OP they didn't like her. And her partner let them disrespect her in her own home like this, and this thread is bemusingly full of women saying this is fine and to suck It up.

Yep. That’s the sort of people they are. Immature dickheads.

I completely understand that you are annoyed!

And your useless boyfriend should have put everything back up as it was before you saw the mess.

As usual a lot of people are minimising but you are perfectly right to be angry that some drunken fools messed up something that has a lot of sentimental value to you and that you could never have replaced if broken.

Sounds like a bunch of entitled men with a complete lack of basic manners and respect and the usual apologists on this thread...

I'm more concerned about this that the bric-a-brac being messed with.

Does OH often get drunk to the point of not remembering his behaviour OP?

Another reason to review the relationship.

I’ve just seen your latest post. You’ve explained a bit better. I can see why you’d be upset now. I was thinking objects but these things were delicate, precious ephemera. I apologise for my didgeridoo comment. ⬆️

Yeah, after the OP’s update it is looking like the friends of her OH were being dickheads, and quite dismissive of her possessions that reflect her personality/interests/travels.

The OH’s emotional reaction to her raising the matter suggests he possibly DOES recall what happened, quite well.

Why do you want people like this in your life op? There are all types that walk the earth, people that couldn’t care less about others, throw litter, disrespect others and then those that care, show respect and treat others with gentle kindness. Fill your life up with the latter. You are not on the planet long enough to put up with the former and take ‘chill pills’ to swallow down your sadness and misery.

It can be better, so much better op.

I don't think the op is being unreasonable at all. It's her home, her valuables and memories. Why shouldn't she have them on display and left as she put them. Yes the husbands friends might have thought it was a joke, but in their drunken state they could have easily broken or damaged something. I be annoyed too.

So patronising and unhelpful.

You still seem to be mixing up adults and children.

But just to be clear; my kids when they were little and grandkids now are told not to mess with people’s stuff, because they’re kids, often not careful, don’t make sensible decisions about what is OK to touch and what isn’t.

Adults can make their own decisions, I don’t tell them what to do and what not to do. And I certainly wouldn’t force an apology from them. It’s ridiculous.

If someone doesn’t want someone to touch their things, they need to put them away behind a glass screen, it’s not hard. We have collectible books (kept in a cupboard), we have books which have no value, sentimental or otherwise, they’re out and anyone can do what they want with them.

They turned some hanging photos upside down, didn’t they? Standard drunk behaviour at a house party!

If nothing was broken, I’d leave it. Maybe take anything sentimental down next time.

If he can't remember what happened then he has alcoholic black outs . He has a real drink problem.

Allowing drunken friends in to your home and allowing them to damage your things is going to be the tip of the ice berg when it comes to future problems.

Living with some one who is an alcoholic is difficult and gets progressively so.

Did they even know they were your possessions, they were travel items displayed in their friends house, they were drunk, they picked them up, moved them around maybe had a bit of a laugh (if they are anything like the things I brought back from travelling), didn't damage or break anything, seems like a huge over reaction to demand an apology. From the title I thought they had been rummaging through your underwear drawer at the least!

Unless the friends are complete arseholes, they probably are genuinely sorry that they disrespected your belongings & upset you.

Obviously DP is angry that you embarrassed him in front of his mates - well tough. You said he has taken responsibility for not being sober enough to notice his friends behaviour and is very sorry. Well this is the consequence. Did he expect to say ‘sorry, it’s my fault’ and that’s the end because he’s ’taken responsibility’?

However, it sounds like you may have overreacted. Does the wall display look like it’s the kind that gets changed & updated? I’m imagining what they did is akin to moving magnets on your fridge to spell rude words (in their drunken minds). Rather than removing hung pictures from the wall?

Your OH simply isn’t interested in your collection of souvenirs by the sounds of it and they also come across as rather immature to blame alcohol for the fact that someone else messed with them in your absence. You’ve spoken to your OH, who evidently doesn’t have the balls to ask the equally as immature friends for an apology……….be the adult and the next time you see these brainless, inconsiderate specimens take the opportunity to mention to them how disappointed you were that they acted so irresponsibly. Sorted!

So why did you break up with so and so? Oh he moved my magnets 🤣

I just cant with this thread.