OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

[Zahia]

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

So?

I agree with this and think the OP is getting a weirdly hard time about this.
It was absolutely right to ask for an apology and acknowledge that they shouldn't have done it in the first place. I don't get why the DP is so angry with her about that; he should've given his friends a piece of his mind in her defence.

I think your fella is unbelievably immature to be getting drunk with mates while you were away. That is 'laddish' behaviour which most people outgrow when they set up home with someone. I'm not surprised you were annoyed and he is making it worse by being cross with you.

So she may not care, but I’d not want people to laugh or eye rolling at me, because I demanded an apology.

Its ridiculous to demand an apology IMO, it means nothing.

Bit mean.

When I am at others houses I look at their displays but never touch unless invited to. Isn't that normal behaviour?

It's hard for me to weigh in further - my friends would never mess with stuff in our house, nor would we mess with other peoples stuff so I'd never now be in that position and can't imagine any circumstance where I'd be so drunk and reckless with my husband's stuff, because its his, not mine.

I agree with a PP, if you have to ask for an apology, it isn't worth much.

I'd have let it go, perhaps with the caveat of saying to your OH, next time can you make sure noone touches my things.

Oh, stop being so bloody precious. A couple of drunk mates looked at the things you had on display. That's it. Nothing was mislaid, damaged or stolen. Stop being a prissy old woman to your hubby.

Also, do you have to much time on your hands.

I was brought up properly, thanks very much!

Not sure what makes you think your upbringing was superior to people that happen to disagree with you?

Were you brought up to insult people that disagree with? I don’t think that reflects a “proper upbringing” to be honest.

100% true! Nothing is your own anymore and any thing you want kept safe need locking away!

They probably just drunkely knocked the shelf and put everything back. It's very unlikely they had any sense of what was upside down from a bunch of tat crammed in together. Your reaction is wildly OTT even if they did have a little look at some items. Just magnets! It can only be seen by others as bits of tat, and nobody in their right mind could have predicted your reaction. I would think his mates are bemused and concerned for him due to your behaviour.

Clearly you have some other serious issues you aren't disclosing about why you have reacted with such excessive sentimentality about these items. It's really important to distinguish that that is a "you" thing, and is not normal. If you and your DP decide to stay together then you need to keep your precious bits in a locked cupboard, as you would high value jewellery, rather than expect guests to understand how to treat the items.

I think if you open your house to people, you accept the risk they will look and possibly touch your books, might fidget with a magnet on the fridge, or pick up a small ornament or something, press a couple of notes on a piano, or move a cushion.

If you are so precious it's unbearable to you, you shouldn't accept people full stop.

I don't really touch things I don't think, and would find it beyond rude to try to open people's mail, go through their bedroom cabinet or be generally invasive, but feeling violated because husband and friends move magnets and bits that were displayed?

Unclench jeez, nothing is broken or missing so no harm no foul right? You seem to be looking for a reason to kick off and you cried? 🙄

I don't want people in my house who are so drunk that they don't know what they have done and I certainly wouldn't want a partner like that.

then don't have one?

oh ha ha

@GRex just because you don’t feel sentimental attachment to objects doesn’t mean it isn’t well within the range of normal behaviour.

too many people are judging the OP for what is well within the normal range of behaviour even if it isn’t something that everyone has. We are all different and one assumes that her OH was aware of this as well.

it upset the OP and frankly no one else needs to judge that - we all have boundaries and lines which if crossed would upset is some everyone has and some are more personal albeit normal.

This was hers - and it is her OH reaction to is as a person who one hopes loves and respects her that is out of order

What did they actually do? Pick the things up and look at them? If they were wearable, try them on?

If they didn't break or take anything I don't even see how you'd know anything happened?

But he's admitted it was his fault. He should try and make them apologise and obviously not do it again. But if they don't then I guess they're just not very nice people.

You sound like his mother rather than his partner

So they moved around some photos (maps, tickets etc?) and fridge magnets and nothing was damaged or lost? A bit annoying, but really not something to get so wound up about. I'd ask OH to make sure it doesn't happen again, but I wouldn't tell his friends off.

You’re getting a very hard time on here OP. people forget that not everyone is as chilled or cool as they are.

People insinuating you should put your stuff behind a secure glass box - why should you! And you have every right to be upset. It’s your home and visitors shouldn’t go playing with things it’s rude. If it was children everyone would be demanding they apologise. Your boyfriend sounds like a child. My husbands friends wouldn’t go tampering with my stuff and it shouldn’t be expected or glossed over.

I do agree though that the onus should just have been on your fella to take responsibility and watch his friends next time. It’s his fault and responsibility. You’ve reacted as you’re upset and maybe just consider that if it happens again.

He sounds like he’s acting like her child rather than a partner!

I agree and as I've said upthread I think OP's problem is bigger than the fridge magnets

Zahia, how old is your partner and how long have you been together? He sounds very immature. I would find drunken behaviour extremely concerning.