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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OH friends drunkenly messed with my possessions

210 replies

Zahia · 17/06/2025 23:24

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

OP posts:
Sulking · 18/06/2025 18:05

Well now his friends just think you’re uptight and will be mocking you behind your back for the foreseeable.

nothing missing or broken. Yes is annoying; but you could have just asked OH to tell them not to if they try to do it again in the future. You’ve gained nothing from this.

ThatGreatMember · 18/06/2025 18:23

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 07:00

It will be the latter. It was to let OP they didn't like her. And her partner let them disrespect her in her own home like this, and this thread is bemusingly full of women saying this is fine and to suck It up.

Wow. Who doesnt like you for you to put this way out there response?

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 18:39

ThatGreatMember · 18/06/2025 18:23

Wow. Who doesnt like you for you to put this way out there response?

It's not way out - I'm honestly astonished how many people think these mens behaviour is acceptable

Petitchat · 18/06/2025 18:56

MonTuesWeds · 18/06/2025 18:39

It's not way out - I'm honestly astonished how many people think these mens behaviour is acceptable

Nothing astonishes me these days in how women accept mens wrongful behaviour.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 19/06/2025 05:46

Petitchat · 18/06/2025 11:39

Yeah, probably the same women who think it's fine to allow males into womens toilets.
Oops sorry, digressing there.

OP, YANBU

I’m confused what you mean by this? Can you explain how it connects to ops post?

Justhere65 · 19/06/2025 08:58

Petitchat · 18/06/2025 18:56

Nothing astonishes me these days in how women accept mens wrongful behaviour.

It could just as easily. have been drunken women. I don’t think it is specific to men? Tbh not something I would get too worked up about.

NorthernSarcasticandDownrightFantastic · 21/06/2025 17:38

Zahia · 17/06/2025 23:24

I was away all weekend and my OH had his friends over to stay. They drunkenly messed with some of my personal possessions (not too much detail, but sentimental items from years of travelling which were on display). Luckily nothing was broken or missing. But I felt really upset, angry, and kind of violated as if someone had been through my personal things. I said I wanted my OH to tell his friends it was wrong for them to have done this, and for them to apologize to me. He got angry and upset, refusing to ask for them to apologize. He said it was his fault as he was too drunk to tell them not to. I agree it is also his fault, but am I unreasonable to ask for them to apologize as well? Ultimately they messed with someone else's possessions in their house. You wouldn't walk into a house and mess with someone else's photo albums or picture frames? Eventually OH did ask his friends to apologize to me (which they gladly did and I do believe it was genuine) but now he is furious with me. Am I in the wrong? Will he come round? Now I'm thinking I should have just let it go but I was so upset and wanted to make it clear what had happened was not ok.

...OP are you ok? This is an extreme reaction to something that is absolutely nothing, mildly annoying at worst if you're already having a really bad week I guess?

SmudgeHughes · 21/06/2025 19:44

Expecting an apology is a bit odd. Those relationships are now blighted.

MyRarePanda · 22/06/2025 01:19

@Zahia Sorry to raise alarm where it might not be warranted. But I came home from a weekend away once to find my personal stuff had been moved, I just noticed the place felt different, then slowly noticed that pictures and personal stuff specifically of mine was rearranged.
A month later my boyfriend left me for someone else. (He'd obviously put stuff away so it didn't look like i lived there)
Did the apology come second hand from your OH or from the friends directly?

AlexStocks · 22/06/2025 18:37

I have one rule: people before things. Nothing will be gained from apologies except hard feelings. If something was broken, I'd agree with you, but nothing was, so this more in line with annoyance. Next time they are over you can ask them not to muck about in the future, but apology? They didnt do anything wrong, really.

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