To think this is a batshit holiday with kids

[HollaNack]

I share 3 kids 7,8,9 with my ex of 2 years. He has booked summer plans to take them all in his van through France for 3 weeks, ending at a waterpark.

Am I being really precious, or is this insanely inadvisable with 3 small kids?

We're not unfamiliar to van life. We lived in one together for 2 years in Europe, pre kids. The van is the 'family' camper, the kids know it well, it's all equipped and goes well when it starts.

But the risks are insane. Huge risk of drowning with 1:3 ratio staying weeks at a waterpark. Tiredness, cranky hot kids, fights, cooking, missing mum, no respite or somewhere comfy to sit and stare at cartoons in a language you don't even understand.

It's not a civil breakup. I have an NMO against him and the kids are only just getting round to being comfortable staying the night at his.

I just feel like this screams 'manchild biting off more than he can chew and risking his kids happiness/safety/lives in the process'

I'm aware that I could do Specific Issue Order but honestly, it would feel a little petty. He does not listen to reason and this is going to be my lot for the next 10 years. So I'm trying to see how this could possibly be an ok idea. Also because I'm trying to balance Positive Outlook with the kids, vs not completely gaslighting them when they raise their own concerns (so far mostly around timescale).

Do we think this could be ok? Am I being precious? Or do I need to try and stop this?

YABU: They're not babies, let them have their adventure
YANBU: This idea is indeed batshit and must be stopped at all costs

To be honest I think it sounds like a great holiday! They’re not toddlers/babies, mine would have loved a holiday like that at those ages.
It depends on what he’s like as a father though. Is he likely to supervise them properly at the water park? Feed them adequately? Keep them safe?

I wouldn't call a 7, 8 and 9 year old small kids.

Can they not swim?

The actual holiday sounds fantastic, and is the sort of thing my dcs would have loved at that age. French driving holidays were our absolute favourite.

I think it depends on whether the dcs are comfortable with spending that length of time with him. Compromise could be a week in a campsite?

The idea is batshit but you should let them have their adventure

YABU. Sounds like a fun adventure for them to me. 7 8 and 9 are not young children either!

Do they want to go?

The van bit sounds doable but hard work if the kids are all ok travellers.

I wouldn't want to take three kids that age to a water park alone though, even if they can swim.

I’m on the fence. Could be brilliant and a holiday they talk about for years. But might be dreadful and still a holiday they will talk about for years.

Does ex have a working knowledge of the language to get by? Got a translation of his driving license? Breakdown cover should the camper not start?

Are they all confident swimmers?

Let them go. They might well love it (it doesn’t seem totally batshit), but if they don’t, they’re old enough to realise that their dad isn’t always planning things with them in mind.

Sounds like a great holiday. I’d happily have done something like this.

The deal breaker for me would be his attitude to pool safety and his attitude to rash vests and sun cream application.

I guarantee he will bring them back earlier. 3 weeks is a long time

I mean

yes kids will get tired
yes they get cranky

I personally wouldn’t do it (although I did take my two camping at similar ages and they loved the adventure)
but you get tired cranky kids on any holiday and if he thinks he can cope I don’t see why not.

it’s not like he’s suggesting taking them somewhere actually dangerous like the Amazon.

the water park - if they can swim it’s fine. If not then more of an issue but water parks are often a feature of holidays with kids this age (or beaches) and they could wear flotation vests? Not actually any more dangerous than normal holiday activities.

I couldn't vote vas I am firmly in between the 2 options. I think it could be a fantastic holiday, they are not 'little' kids and they'd probably love the waterpark. But 3 weeks is quite a long time for kids to be away especially with a parent that they're not used to spending that much time with. Does it have to be three weeks? I think 10 days would probably be more than enough.

It’s only the drowning bit I would worry about but YANBU. I would be annoyed at the laissez faire attitude too.

Well there's the doozy. To varying degrees between them all, ranging from HELL YEAH to wishing on a star tonight that it was only going to be for a week...

Re. whether he'll look after them: he's done similar before and I don't like how often it sounds like they were around the site unattended. I'm afraid of them getting stolen.
But other than that, he's not a day drinker, and would absolutely be able to feed, sleep and first aid them.

He is apparently taking a fellow fuckwit pal, who would sleep next door (pitch). It's more eyes and limbs at least, but the kids have said to me they'd like some time just with their dad. And then that's back to a dangerous water ratio.

This is all helping with perspective and things to consider thank you.

The holiday sounds fantastic. Kids love stuff like that. And tbh a watermark tends to be pretty strict on rules, water that isn't too deep and lifeguards everywhere.

What would concern me is if he's just having them for Overy short periods of time 3 weeks may be a little long.

What is your contact schedule now?

Doesn’t sound dangerous to me and the rest sounds like a him problem.

If he wants grumpy, tired kids starved of home comforts and personal space, let him have it. He won’t take them again!

Sounds amazing and what an experience for the children. They come back so different and more mature.

You need to properly step back and assess the actual risks. Which from your concerns so far are about them drowning in a lifeguarded/very busy waterpark in France. The chances of that age children drowning in that situation seem slim to zero to me. They will be cheek to jowel with other adults and these type of places have lifeguards at every station (plus possibly even adult to child/non swimmer ratios that might scupper his plans.
Will he have one estimated the ease of this grand travel n plan and hire the kids will cope? Possibly..... But the consequences will be on him if so. The worst that can happen with that is that the kids come back tired and fractious

My kid went to an aqua park last summer at 6, and it blew their mind and is all she wants to do now. She swims. We are in a pool or sea for ten + hours a day for 3 weeks every summer. And I think the only way i could make it a better holiday for her is to spend more time riding slides and lazy rivers and crazy fast flutes etc and to add camping to the mix.

your kids will be with their dad and they will have a blast. Hopefully you will have a chill out and then will be able to plan a fun holiday with them for another time.

Is this AI generated? Kids 7,8 and 9 ??

It’s tricky.

The holidays itself doesn’t sound like a bad idea with a competent parent.

It sounds less like a good idea with someone who “doesn’t listen to reason” and who the kids don’t feel totally safe with.

In fact any holiday sounds a bad idea with someone like that.

I agree with a pp about weighing up the actual risks and taking it from there.

Sorry. Yes they can all swim.