To think this is a batshit holiday with kids

[HollaNack]

I share 3 kids 7,8,9 with my ex of 2 years. He has booked summer plans to take them all in his van through France for 3 weeks, ending at a waterpark.

Am I being really precious, or is this insanely inadvisable with 3 small kids?

We're not unfamiliar to van life. We lived in one together for 2 years in Europe, pre kids. The van is the 'family' camper, the kids know it well, it's all equipped and goes well when it starts.

But the risks are insane. Huge risk of drowning with 1:3 ratio staying weeks at a waterpark. Tiredness, cranky hot kids, fights, cooking, missing mum, no respite or somewhere comfy to sit and stare at cartoons in a language you don't even understand.

It's not a civil breakup. I have an NMO against him and the kids are only just getting round to being comfortable staying the night at his.

I just feel like this screams 'manchild biting off more than he can chew and risking his kids happiness/safety/lives in the process'

I'm aware that I could do Specific Issue Order but honestly, it would feel a little petty. He does not listen to reason and this is going to be my lot for the next 10 years. So I'm trying to see how this could possibly be an ok idea. Also because I'm trying to balance Positive Outlook with the kids, vs not completely gaslighting them when they raise their own concerns (so far mostly around timescale).

Do we think this could be ok? Am I being precious? Or do I need to try and stop this?

YABU: They're not babies, let them have their adventure
YANBU: This idea is indeed batshit and must be stopped at all costs

They all just kind of happened

Sounds amazing
I would be sending off without a second thought

Well only very jealous thoughts

I think it sounds brilliant and I wish my ex would plan an adventurous holiday with our DC. He takes them to his mum's house and very occasionally to a caravan park in the nearest sea side resort for 3 nights. That's it. My kids would love to spend a few weeks with him in a van and going to water parks.

I appreciate you have your issues with him but he sounds like he's trying to give them good experiences as they grow up.

A 1:1 adult:child ratio is a slightly different experience to 1:3!

Three weeks would break my heart tbh. I’d worry wherever they were with a man like you describe.
if they want to go, I don’t think you can stop them - here’s hoping he has a nice new partner who will keep an eye on them too.

Three weeks is too long. 1 week is fine. But I wouldn't want my kids spending any time with someone who has to have a NMO. Also a random man going with them I not ok.

of more concern to me would be knowing who the friend is who wants to go on a three week holiday in a campervan with 3 of someone else’s young kids even in his own tent 🤔 really the rest is pretty standard holiday stuff and wouldn’t be concerned

would you rather he don’t take them anywhere and they stayed in doors playing snap?

theyll have a great time

perhaps you are jealous

They can go swimming alone from age 8 even in the UK so it's not actually an unsafe ratio, especially since they can all swim.

Got to say it sounds like a fantastic holiday, I took mine away at ages 8, 5 and 4 by myself and although it was hard work it was fine and not anymore difficult than being at home with them really.

It’s actually a 1:3 ratio, but I was focusing on my youngest. Eldest is 10.

Absolutely Not! I also have a van and have driven across France. I would not do this with so many kids and he doesn’t sound very responsible either. Uk or nothing.

Except you’ve already said the friend will be there so it’s not 1:3 and they can all swim. I think a waterpark is far safer than the sea/lake as they are generally about the slides and supervised landing areas. I think your concern is natural though, it’s a long time and I would also struggle with my thought spiralling.

Of course they are young children! They are in primary school.

Ah it is on mumsnet. On mumsnet you abdicate all responsibility and care and knowledge of any needs or existance of them once they are 16. So in that world sure they are nearly reared.
ITs most unlikely he will stick 3 weeks of them, but what happens if they cant stick 3 weeks of him? Will they be able to/be allowed to come home?

I think they are unlikely to drown in a water park and especially so if they can swim. They can also wear arm bands if needed. Three weeks seems a long time to be away from you though, think they will miss you. Could it be reduced down to two weeks?

I don’t blame you for being worried at all. In my experience putting up a big fight will make him more determined to do it. Would it be better to speak to the dc directly? Explain to them the dangers of water and tell them they’re not allowed to go swimming without their dad. Give them a few coping mechanisms for stress and tiredness.

I wouldn’t like to be separated from my dc for that long at those ages, even less so if they were with a fuckwit parent. But I’m not sure there’s much you can do. What happens when you want to take them on holiday?

Sympathies though, it’s really hard navigating this sort of stuff with a difficult co parent.

it stuck out to me that you said you were worried they’d be stolen - might have been a joke and sorry if so! Is that a genuine worry you have?

Would many parents happily wave off their DC on a 3 week holiday with an ex partner they have to have NMO in place for?

Surely the 9 year old is fine in water by now? If not I can see why you would be concerned. But equally they are his kids so he should be equally concerned. I would be OK with the trip but it's along time by himself doing everything. I wouldn't want to go solo with 3 kids personally! Trip itself sounds awesome though

My siblings and I toured through Europe with my dad for six weeks during the Summer of 1990, when we were 8, 7 and 5. We had a blast, and no-one drowned.

I can understand why you're worried, but in and of itself that sounds like a fun, age appropriate holiday for DC of that age. They're old enough to go off round a campsite on their own now, and although I would be nervous about them around water too, at least water parks are lifeguarded and France is pretty hot on health and safety.

Whether you can trust him to undertake basic care and safeguarding of the DC is a different question.

I have kids 7 and 9 and feel they're too old to get stolen now. If someone tried, they'd scream and bite them! My kids definitely roam around unattended when camping etc.

Objectively, the driving bit is going to be vastly more risky than the waterpark. If you didn't immediately worry about them all being in the same van for 1,500 miles then don't worry about the rest.

Make sure everyone had a GHIC and get the kids to check in with you once a day or as close to that as possible.

I'm not sure why a PP mentioned "translation of your driving licence", that hasn't been needed since about 1962 and UK driving licences are perfectly valid in France. Maybe make sure he has an insurance green card, and access to £1000 if something comes up.

Apart from that it sounds like great fun and an unforgettable time for DC.

Understand why you’re feeling unsettled about it. I also find it depressing/hilarious the amount of people saying “let them go, they will have a blast!”
You’ve had to get a non-molestation order out against this person, trust has broken down for presumably good reason on your part, your worries are absolutely valid and yeah, you’d have to go to court to stop him. It’s not easy, you sound like you’re doing a really good job for what it’s worth

You have a non molestion order for good reason, why would you ever consider this?

Absolutely no way. Apply to the courts now to prevent this. Make sure their passports are not even in your house.

They have only just got used to one night at his house. Even that’s a big step.

No way op. I don’t tihink other posters have necessarily realised what a NMO is. Or why they are issued if they think this is a good idea.