Husband told me to say please

[Neuroticmillenial]

Was sat on the sofa bf my toddler and asked DH if he could pass me the remote as he was going upstairs. I didn’t demand or shout, just said, “could you pass me the remote?”. He replied, “say please”… “Could you pass me the remote, PLEASE”.

Anyway, I told him I didn’t like him speaking to me like that as I’m not a child and he said it’s basic manners.

aibu?

YABU. I agree with your dh, especially as you now have a child and need to set an example at all times. Basic standards!

Yeah I hate that. When the kids ask in a nice way I accept that, I don’t demand they say please, as long as they’ve asked nicely what’s the problem? So I’d be pissed if my dh demanded I say it too. Just nit picky

Is it really something to get worked up about?

Do you not think it's basic manners

YABU. He’s right, it absolutely is basic manners!

You are now modelling behaviour for a toddler who takes in everything in, saying please is practicing manners , he might have might have sounded snippy but it was probably for emphasis.

Sorry, but I find it really weird when people ask for something but don’t say please. The whole sentence sounds strange to me.

What's the rest of the relationship like?

I was in an abusive relationship once and punishing me for not saying please and thank you was one of the early ways of him humiliating me

But it's such a nuanced thing, if it's generally good I wouldn't worry too much

Yabu

Basic manners. Why didn’t you say please?

I can’t imagine asking that question without please being the first word tbh

My dh and I only say please if it’s something that requires effort he was well ott in my opinion

He’s absolutely right and I would have said the same to you. It costs nothing to be polite, and if you need reminding to say your please & thank yous then perhaps you need to be treated like a child.

maybe you were just fractious with each other and this is uncharacteristic unpleasantness

or you generally speak to each other unkindly ?

tonight I’ve said to my partner :
pass me that
give me the thingy
move your arse

all said in the spirit of a relaxed loving happy relationship , we mostly say please and thank yous and “ would you mind”. And can I please have “. But sometime its just a point and grunt because your tired and have no words

context is everything

is he normally a patronising arse ??

Im with you OP. This would irk me. If you generally say please most of the time, I don’t see why he should be demanding it. Life is too short for this.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. It’s bollocks!
You don’t need to say please at all for something simple.

My DH gets the hump if I don’t use the right “tone”
Like “can you pass me a nappy?” No please required!

I wouldn't have been able to stop myself sarcastically pleading and begging him after that.

"Oh please, pleaaaaase pass me the remote, I'll be so grateful, you're so kind and beautiful, please will you grace me with your magnanimity and bestow upon me this monumental, herculean favour"

Of course it's basic manners. But she was asking him to quickly pass the remote, not wrestle a lion.

I wouldn’t necessarily say please in this situation. I can imagine it would go… “can you pass the remote” he would pass it and I’d say ‘ta’. He would never tell me to say please. It was your DH that was rude imo. No need for him to call you out like that.

I don't mean this in an unkind way, but surely it's good to teach kids manners for when they are out and about and interacting with other people.

This.

You can see by the replies on this thread who is raising kids that end up commented on by teachers, other parents, friends etc in future for not being polite. “My mum says you don’t always have to say please” 🥲

And you bet your arse I'd be pulling him up on every single minute slip in his manners after that too. Until he asked me nicely to stop being a petty potato.

Definitely right to model manners to your children - your husband is correct. There are far too many people who forget their manners nowadays.

I hate bad manners 🤷🏼‍♀️ I pretty much demand a please too when one is lacking.

Please and thank you are the absolute foundation stones of basic good manners.
It is never wrong to say them, but completely wrong to omit them.

Saying please should be automatic, YABU.