Husband told me to say please

[Neuroticmillenial]

Was sat on the sofa bf my toddler and asked DH if he could pass me the remote as he was going upstairs. I didn’t demand or shout, just said, “could you pass me the remote?”. He replied, “say please”… “Could you pass me the remote, PLEASE”.

Anyway, I told him I didn’t like him speaking to me like that as I’m not a child and he said it’s basic manners.

aibu?

Please isn't always needed when you've been in a long relationship - I'll often say 'you couldn't just pass me the x could you?' and then say thanks after.

However i do think it's good to model manners in front of your little one so I can somewhat see where he was coming from. Let's hope he is always as polite as he expects you to be though OP.

My husband wouldn’t be so fussed to mention it!He would just give it to me and I would say thank you. Maybe it was your tone of voice that annoyed him.

Basically this. It’s so automatic that its absence would feel odd.

You can see by the replies on this thread who is raising kids that end up commented on by teachers, other parents, friends etc in future for not being polite. “My mum says you don’t always have to say please” 🥲

I think that might be one of the most OTT posts I’ve ever seen on MN, and I’ve been here for a LONG time.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Are you feeding HIS child? If so, then he can start saying thank you every time he looks at you.

I’m with @Neuroticmillenial
You're not a child. He is not your father.
And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t say please that often either.

If you expect your child to say please they need to hear you use it.

I’m in a long relationship and we always say please and thank you. We even say them to our toddler. I wouldn’t know how to not, tbh.

Of course you should have said please.

Make sure he does the same though next time he asks for something.

I find it almost impossible not to say please. It’s rude.

Read the replies yourself chick.

Some direct quotes for you;

”You don’t need to say please at all for something simple.”

And

”Of course it's basic manners. But she was asking him to quickly pass the remote, not wrestle a lion.” - so kids learn that anything short of wrestling a lion doesn’t require a please. How do you think that’s going to go down in school? Or a workplace?

I'd have got up and got it myself. But it seems I'm almost alone on this thread in stating that he behaved like a supercillious prick.

You're not six and it's not his job to teach you your manners. His behaviour was far ruder.

If she’s not a child then she should know to say please, and you don’t have to be someone’s parent to expect basic manners from them :)

Also, interesting, you live in their house now to know how often he says please! How crazy that you’d happen to stumble on this thread when you must be sitting next to OP on the sofa right now surely, to have such intimate knowledge

No they aren't. Consideration for others is the foundation for good manners, not parroting please and thank you like a robot while acting like a total arsehole. Manners are conveyed through behaviour and tone and the words please and thank you alone are worthless in my opinion.

My children say please and thank you generally, but they also know there's more to manners than that, unlike the dh here.

In the context of a respectful and loving relationship, someone forgetting to say please when asking you to grab the remote for them shouldn't elicit an actual telling-off. That's weird.

Basic. Manners. Thats all :) x

YABU. Manners are very important and if I asked someone to pass me something, I’d say please. I would also expect it back.

Just as certainly the kid learns that dad's place is in the right and that he can chivvy his wife for some mild perceived misdemeanour and tell her off as though she's some recalcitrant kid.

That's not the kind of relationship dynamic I'd want to set as an example to any child.

Basic. Respect. For. Your. Wife. Thats all xxx

I'm with the OP on this. I find pedantic insistence on the word please unspeakably rude.

The person who insists on the word please after a friendly polite and conversational request comes across as an absolute arse. How alienating and combative!

If op isn’t a child, she’s old enough to use manners then!

Some of these replies are hilarious:

'I wouldn't know how not to say please...' 'my face would drop off if I didn't say please...'

This is not what good manners are about.

Me and my DH remind each other to say please and thank you sometimes. It is good to be modeling good manners around children. I don't remember us doing it before children, I think it just became a habit once we were teaching children manners.

How odd, so respect should only go one way then? It’s okay for her to be disrespectful and lacking manners though? Crazy😂

I could not get worked up over that op.
I say please and thank you for anything.
Can you pass me that pen please haa lovely thank you.
Or just my sister asking wanna cup of coffee Me yes please she will put it on the table i just say thanks or thank you.
Its just normal.
The basic of things really like heres dinner ooh lovely thank you.