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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some support? DP disappeared and worried about an accident

326 replies

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:47

DP does a weekly 4-5 hour drive each Friday and Sunday as he’s currently on a placement several hours away. He stayed a bit late last night as he wanted to chat to DS as he went to bed and then he set off at 9pm.

His battery had died before he left and he said he may not be able to charge in the car because of a dodgy connection. However he has work at 8am and is usually absolutely obsessed with being on time for work and I’ve not heard a thing. He always messages when he’s at hotel.

ive been googling accidents and having dark thoughts and just looking for a hand hold. Surely by now he’d have battery?!

OP posts:
GRex · 09/06/2025 07:49

Is there anyone physically near him who you can call, e.g. flat concierge?

Send him an email asking him to call. Try to take deep breaths, it's unusual for him but he was tired, he may have just slept in.

Fedupwiththecuts · 09/06/2025 07:49

I guess it could be that he put it on charge, went to bed and is busy getting ready? Hope you hear soon.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/06/2025 07:49

If he had been involved in a car accident I think you would probably know by now. He would have been identified through DVLA if nothing else. Sorry not to be much help and hope he turns up with an explanation soon.

Stripeyanddotty · 09/06/2025 07:50

Could you contact the hotel?

Treeleaf11 · 09/06/2025 07:51

If he had a crash last night you would have been contacted hours ago. I know it's a worry but I'm sure he will be in contact soon

Enko · 09/06/2025 07:51

That sounds worrying. Do you know the hotel? Could you call them and ask if they will do a welfare check on the room and call the police if he has not checked in. (I dont think they are allowed to tell you if he has.)

Or is there a work colleague you can contact.

As this is out of usual behaviour I get why you are concerned.

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:52

My messages aren’t delivering and it goes straight to voicemail so his phone still isn’t charged.

It is so unlike him that I can’t help but panic. He looked exhausted last night too. He sometimes stops half way to sleep for a bit but I’m always updated. He needs his phone for work so it’s very strange it’s not on by now as he should be on his way in. I feel dreadful. we had such a nice day yesterday and ds has a holiday coming up and I feel it was me who kept him here later by chatting away into the evening last night, which probably made him more tired

OP posts:
Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:53

Treeleaf11 · 09/06/2025 07:51

If he had a crash last night you would have been contacted hours ago. I know it's a worry but I'm sure he will be in contact soon

@Treeleaf11 how would I have been contacted though? How would they know to contact me?

OP posts:
thismummyslife · 09/06/2025 07:53

I bet he’s been shattered getting to the hotel, put his phone on charge and it’s not charged during the night, got up in a blind panic and rushed off to get to work. From my experience, my partner wouldn’t think ‘oh I bet DW is worried about me, I better text’ they don’t really realise that we worry! Hope he gets in touch soon, I’m sure everything is fine xx

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:54

Stripeyanddotty · 09/06/2025 07:50

Could you contact the hotel?

@Stripeyanddotty they won’t give out information at all. As for his colleagues, I don’t know any contact details for any of them

OP posts:
BunnyEaster · 09/06/2025 07:54

Can you phone his work in a few hours to make sure her turned up?

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:54

thismummyslife · 09/06/2025 07:53

I bet he’s been shattered getting to the hotel, put his phone on charge and it’s not charged during the night, got up in a blind panic and rushed off to get to work. From my experience, my partner wouldn’t think ‘oh I bet DW is worried about me, I better text’ they don’t really realise that we worry! Hope he gets in touch soon, I’m sure everything is fine xx

@thismummyslife thanks, his connection does fail when charging and often simply doesn’t charge. It needs replacing. I hope it is that.

OP posts:
FloraBotticelli · 09/06/2025 07:54

They would look up the owner of the car through the number plate OP and would have sent local police to knock on your door.

could you contact anyone at his work to see if he’s logged in etc?

thismummyslife · 09/06/2025 07:55

Have you checked he did packed his charger and it’s not still at home?

PinkyFlamingo · 09/06/2025 07:59

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:53

@Treeleaf11 how would I have been contacted though? How would they know to contact me?

Show quote history

Through his number plate.

MargotTenenbaumscoat · 09/06/2025 08:02

Maybe he just forgot his charger?
I don’t think most men would consider that you might be thinking the worse!

Fingers crossed that you hear from him soon.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/06/2025 08:05

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:53

@Treeleaf11 how would I have been contacted though? How would they know to contact me?

Show quote history

The police have access to the details of the owner - assuming you live together they would just come
and knock on your door.

TY78910 · 09/06/2025 08:08

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:53

@Treeleaf11 how would I have been contacted though? How would they know to contact me?

Show quote history

You would presumably be listed as next of kin on his hospital records or like PP have said they would knock on the door of his registered address.

Im sorry you are worried, hopefully he will get in touch soon

Conniebygaslight · 09/06/2025 08:08

Oh OP, you must be going out of your mind. Could you contact the hotel and get a message to him? they don't have to give you any info but you could ask them to pass on a message for him to call you?

Sunnyatlast25 · 09/06/2025 08:10

As you know his phone wasn’t charged when he set off, it is likely to be that. Everything stops when your phone packs in. He’s probably trying to sort it and will call you when he gets to work.

Blackdow · 09/06/2025 08:10

It’s not an accident. The police would have come to your home address by now.

If the hotel won’t confirm that he arrived and no one at his work placement has seen him, then you should call the police and ask for a welfare check at the hotel. They will go and find out if he checked in.

Doggymummar · 09/06/2025 08:13

Does his car not have a usb port so he could have charged it whilst driving?

Swiftie1878 · 09/06/2025 08:16

Any news OP?
Have you tried calling him at work?

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 09/06/2025 08:20

Really hope you hear from him soon. If the connection to charger is iffy, it could be that. Also he could have arrived at hotel, plugged in and then not switched on at the wall. So many phone related possibilities and hope it is one of those.

Musclewoman · 09/06/2025 08:20

I really hope you hear from him soon OP 💐

It's such a worry when you can't get hold of a loved one and your brain starts tormenting you with worst case scenarios!

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