To ask for some support? DP disappeared and worried about an accident

[Ubadl]

DP does a weekly 4-5 hour drive each Friday and Sunday as he’s currently on a placement several hours away. He stayed a bit late last night as he wanted to chat to DS as he went to bed and then he set off at 9pm.

His battery had died before he left and he said he may not be able to charge in the car because of a dodgy connection. However he has work at 8am and is usually absolutely obsessed with being on time for work and I’ve not heard a thing. He always messages when he’s at hotel.

ive been googling accidents and having dark thoughts and just looking for a hand hold. Surely by now he’d have battery?!

There is no such legal entity as "Next Of Kin" in English law.

So glad he’s been in touch and all is well.

As usual, the most obvious answer is usually the correct one. Best he gets his car registration sorted out asap though, because if he had had an accident they'd be knocking at the door of any empty house.

I'm glad he is doing fine.
I hope you both take these scary moments to learn and to put in practice what's best for you both.
Countless methods of communication between you both and a list of trusted people to contact in case of need.
It's a good idea to invest on good smartphones and other technology gadgets that helps you both to keep in touch with each other.
Good luck!

Glad he is safe & sound. OP, buy him a power bank. I'm surprised he doesn't already have one, especially if he knew the car charger was dodgy (it isn't clear if it's the car or the phone that is the connection problem)

Mine's an Anker & cost about £20, is good for 4 full charges, and doesn't weigh that much. I take it with me everywhere as we all know how smartphones suck battery if using internet.

Agree. As a society, we seem to have lost the ability to sit tight and accept that anxiety is a part of life that we need to manage the feeling ourselves, not be regularly reassured.

Re the landline: we finally got our landline taken out within the last year. It was the first time in over 40 years we haven't had one. We realised we no longer got any genuine calls to it anymore, only annoying spam calls at the rate of 2 or 3 a day. For that privilege we were paying around £120 per quarter.

Tis true I can't remember anyone's mobile number so if I lost my phone or it died I might have some difficulty. But I think I can, and will, mitigate against this by putting the numbers of my nearest and dearest on a piece of card to keep somewhere safe. Or several pieces of card somewhere safe.

It's probably partly to do with the instant communication in the modern world. Having a mobile and staying in touch straight away is standard, if this isn't the case then it's unusual for some people. Years ago nobody would have battered an eye because that was the norm , people weren't always contactable.

Glad all’s well, OP.

I recognise that going from ‘zero to imagining the funeral’ anxiety. I do it too. It’s really horrible and irrational.

Glad to hear he is safe and well.
Tell him to get a new phone!

It's not just this thread, it's most of them .

I’m glad all is well but you said he had a laptop. Why didn’t he email you if his phone was out of charge?!

Seeing as he is safe and well now. Just to say the police don't always come out in the dead of the night to inform you a relative is dead. Even nok when you was the person who raised the concern and gave your number and address. My relative was found dead just after midnight after I raised a concern. The police came in the morning.

Not that anyone wants to hear this. Didn't want to say before OP knew her dp was safe.

My landline number has the same number of digits as my mobile.

Yes, that's very odd.

Yes, but the first 4/5 numbers are the same for every landline in your area, so it’s not really the same.

I know the area codes for places I’ve never even been to, as I imagine a lot of people do,

Most people know their area codes though, so don't need to learn that part.

Glad all is ok! He needs to get a new phone not a battery.

Totally agree. The reaction was quite catastrophic. The poor guy when he got all those messages and contacts.

OP it’s fine to be a bit worried and to make contact but in my opinion your reaction was more on the overreaction side. You may want to consider understanding why you mentally went to such an extreme.

I disagree a 5 hour journey and not hearing from him for 12 hours worrying is a perfectly normal reaction.

There are multiple ways to get in touch with someone that didn’t need to take that long.

I think not worrying is a much less normal reaction

So pleased it was a happy outcome. Maybe you could both download the free Life 360 App if he is happy being “tracked”. If his phone is on it will show you in real time where his phone is -even the speed he is travelling! Will also show you if phone is at 0% charge. I get a notification for the kids when their batteries are below 10%. If he regularly stays at the hotel you can mark it as a regular location and you will get an alert as soon as he arrives there. I’m sure some people on MN will hate this idea but we started using it for our kids when they started at secondary school and it has proved invaluable when DH broke down once. I read your thread with bated breath as I was in your situation once …in my case my first DH had passed away in a car accident and I only found out after ringing local hospitals and by being told by one to get there ASAP. We’d recently moved so police didn’t come to my door. Your post brought that anxiety rushing back - knowing something isn’t right. I now have an absolute horror of leaving the house without saying a proper goodbye to each family member 🥲

I’m sorry you went through that, I had the same with my sibling and worry if I haven’t said goodbye and kissed my children each morning.

Anytime any one is late / awol I panic they’ve had an accident. It happened 25 years ago and it hasn’t left me.

I'm so glad there's a happy update here

I hope you had a very stern businesslike conversation with him today about communication and consideration.

And has he ordered a new phone and back up battery pack today?

If not why not??

Time he gave you the same level of priority as he does his job.

I'm with you, I'd have been petrified not knowing.

They would trace you through his car reg plate. Don't worry, easy to say l know, but l hope you hear very soon