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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for some support? DP disappeared and worried about an accident

326 replies

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 07:47

DP does a weekly 4-5 hour drive each Friday and Sunday as he’s currently on a placement several hours away. He stayed a bit late last night as he wanted to chat to DS as he went to bed and then he set off at 9pm.

His battery had died before he left and he said he may not be able to charge in the car because of a dodgy connection. However he has work at 8am and is usually absolutely obsessed with being on time for work and I’ve not heard a thing. He always messages when he’s at hotel.

ive been googling accidents and having dark thoughts and just looking for a hand hold. Surely by now he’d have battery?!

OP posts:
Clara202 · 09/06/2025 09:15

I’d imagine he was exhausted and has slept in. Battery dead on phone so no alarm. Wait until 10am then just contact the hotel or work.

EleanorReally · 09/06/2025 09:15

i am sure he is ok op
no news is good news

teenmaw · 09/06/2025 09:15

Op hes a grown man and has been navigating his way through this world for presumably 30+ years. Him not calling you for a bit overnight does not mean he’s dead in a ditch, more likely overslept, phone malfunctioned, etc. It bemused me how people need to know the whereabouts of their partner 24/7, he’ll be fine. Sorry you’re feeling so anxious about it but I suggest you try and detach this level of enmeshment for your own sanity

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 09:15

I just can’t believe he wouldn’t even email me! He definitely has access to a laptop and could do that. It just doesn’t make sense. I’ve called his work but it’s a central line and they have said they will have to ask someone to call me back as they don’t know the process for requesting this information. It’s because it’s a contract from the company so he’s not a direct employee

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 09/06/2025 09:15

Do you know his work email address? Can you contact him that way?

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 09:16

teenmaw · 09/06/2025 09:15

Op hes a grown man and has been navigating his way through this world for presumably 30+ years. Him not calling you for a bit overnight does not mean he’s dead in a ditch, more likely overslept, phone malfunctioned, etc. It bemused me how people need to know the whereabouts of their partner 24/7, he’ll be fine. Sorry you’re feeling so anxious about it but I suggest you try and detach this level of enmeshment for your own sanity

@teenmaw thanks. It’s because he usually would message to say he’s back

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 09/06/2025 09:16

does he have whatsapp?

Drew79 · 09/06/2025 09:16

Probably just a combination of forgetting things, a technical issue with charging or signal, work pressures, not realising you'd be worried etc (or he may well be worrying that he's not beenable to contact you yet!) , sure you'll hear from him soon x

Original poster
Ubadl · 09/06/2025 09:16

EleanorReally · 09/06/2025 09:16

does he have whatsapp?

@EleanorReally yes it’s not delivering

OP posts:
Kettlemetal · 09/06/2025 09:16

Gosh I’d be worrying too. I think I’d start contacting work now and say you need to speak to him urgently and his phone is off.

Just to clarify, next of kin is not a legal standing that is given by marriage. It can just be nominated who the person wants a medical team to talk to. And important medical decisions are only made my a proxy when needed if there is a power of attorney. If not then the medical team talk to all those close to the patient to help them make a best interests decision.

Blackdow · 09/06/2025 09:17

Did you call the police and ask them to go to the hotel to find out if he checked in? I’d have down that 2 hours ago.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/06/2025 09:17

teenmaw · 09/06/2025 09:15

Op hes a grown man and has been navigating his way through this world for presumably 30+ years. Him not calling you for a bit overnight does not mean he’s dead in a ditch, more likely overslept, phone malfunctioned, etc. It bemused me how people need to know the whereabouts of their partner 24/7, he’ll be fine. Sorry you’re feeling so anxious about it but I suggest you try and detach this level of enmeshment for your own sanity

I get what you’re saying but it’s hardly abnormal to worry in a situation like this.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/06/2025 09:18

Have you called him at work? If not, you need to, because if he hasn’t shown up then you can start escalating things and trying to track him down.

PullTheBricksDown · 09/06/2025 09:19

Blackdow · 09/06/2025 09:17

Did you call the police and ask them to go to the hotel to find out if he checked in? I’d have down that 2 hours ago.

The police aren't going to prioritise that at this point, and quite rightly too.

hattiesmith · 09/06/2025 09:19

You can contact your local force and report him as missing (24hr thing is a myth). Officers can do a search on the Police National Computer to see if any other forces have had need to look at his registration. They can also see from ANPR if he made it to his destination. They may not tell you as a person has right to a private life, however if his registration has been ran through that would be a concern.

EleanorReally · 09/06/2025 09:19

you need to take your mind of it op Flowers

ArtTheClown · 09/06/2025 09:20

OP my heart sank reading this, I can imagine that you're sick with worry. I also have a DH who travels widely for work and he's extremely good and keeping in touch and keeping his phone charged. I'd be sick to my stomach if this happened.
I have everything crossed for you that there's a simple, logical explanation and that you hear from him soon.

ReplacementBusService · 09/06/2025 09:20

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 09:16

@EleanorReally yes it’s not delivering

Show quote history

If he was in an accident and taken to a hospital, assuming you're in the UK they would be able to access his GP details where you are presumably listed as NOK. So, you'd have very likely heard something if that was the case. If in doubt, and you are worried enough, you can call any hospitals with trauma centres close to his route and ask. Probably, there'll be some other explanation, but if you can't get it off your mind you can try.

PinkPonyClutz · 09/06/2025 09:21

Have you called the hotel to see if he checked in?

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/06/2025 09:21

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 08:54

@tumblingdowntherabbithole what do you mean, vulnerable how?

Show quote history

She means financially. Security .

BeZippyHelper · 09/06/2025 09:21

Blackdow · 09/06/2025 09:17

Did you call the police and ask them to go to the hotel to find out if he checked in? I’d have down that 2 hours ago.

The Police aren't going to go to a hotel to see if a grown-up is there with a broken 'phone.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 09/06/2025 09:21

ReplacementBusService · 09/06/2025 09:20

If he was in an accident and taken to a hospital, assuming you're in the UK they would be able to access his GP details where you are presumably listed as NOK. So, you'd have very likely heard something if that was the case. If in doubt, and you are worried enough, you can call any hospitals with trauma centres close to his route and ask. Probably, there'll be some other explanation, but if you can't get it off your mind you can try.

Show quote history

They’re not married and she’s not his NOK.

Negroany · 09/06/2025 09:22

Ubadl · 09/06/2025 09:12

@PullTheBricksDown thanks. It’s his internal phone connection rather than the chargers so he needs a new phone really

Show quote history

Find out if his phone has wireless charging, more do than you think. Then you just put it on the pad and don't need to worry about the connection. Hopefully it does.
If he needs his phone for work it's unimaginable that he hasn't got a reliable one!

I'm sure he'll be OK, probably just gone straight into a meeting this morning.

Bloozie · 09/06/2025 09:23

I'd be worried too. I hope you hear from him soon.

spoonbillstretford · 09/06/2025 09:23

I don't think you can or should do anything yet, OP, though I appreciate it's a worry when someone breaks a pattern of usual behaviour. If you haven't heard from him/he doesn't come home at his usual time later on today then I'd first get in touch with his employer before anyone else.