To ask for some support? DP disappeared and worried about an accident

[Ubadl]

DP does a weekly 4-5 hour drive each Friday and Sunday as he’s currently on a placement several hours away. He stayed a bit late last night as he wanted to chat to DS as he went to bed and then he set off at 9pm.

His battery had died before he left and he said he may not be able to charge in the car because of a dodgy connection. However he has work at 8am and is usually absolutely obsessed with being on time for work and I’ve not heard a thing. He always messages when he’s at hotel.

ive been googling accidents and having dark thoughts and just looking for a hand hold. Surely by now he’d have battery?!

This is definitely the most likely scenario - I’m sure 99% of us have turned up to work and been faced with some kind of crisis that required immediate attention.

I would have thought you could have left a message at the hotel for him to contact you?

Wholly agree. It’s very hard to keep that kind of rational mindset though when all you want is to desperately have their safety confirmed.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that his phone is basically broken.

Of course it’s horrible, I just don’t think calling him selfish or unkind for not getting in touch is particularly helpful. OP says he’s normally really good at contacting her so the most likely scenario is that he’s stuck in a meeting and/or his phone has died.

I meant that IF he had seen her email and hadn’t just whizzed off a reply, IF he’d had that opportunity, that would have been unkind.

Yep - it’s hard to stay rational (been there myself) but I think OP needs reassurance that he’s likely fine and just busy, not worst case scenarios or comments about how selfish he is!

Apologies - yes, it would be, but as we don’t know either way, it’s kinder not to assume the worst.

I keep going from angry and upset in loops. I wouldn’t be as worried but he was utterly exhausted when he left.

Have you tried a Whatsapp phone call?

The most likely scenario is that his phone has not charged, he hasn't been able to charge it overnight (or has tried but woken up to discover that it hasn't charged).

@Ubadl this would be out the ordinary for my DH as well. I would try work again and then maybe the police after the hotel. Say he’s travelled whilst tired and usually says arrived and can’t get hold of him. It’s ok to escalate this

Have you called his work? You need to do that and ask them to get him to call you. Give your number as if his phone is dead he likely can’t remember it.

If he’s not showed up to work and you can’t get hold of him at the hotel then I would call the police. But just be aware they may not be able to tell you much as a legal stranger to him.

OP if his phone has just died would he be able to contact you? I'm just thinking my husband's phone had trouble charging and then it just died out of the blue and could never be fixed, in the short term I doubt he would have known my phone number to call so in your situation it might have been a while before he got in touch.

It's entirely possible that if he was tired and his phone wouldn't charge, that he fell asleep when he got to the hotel and hasn't woken up yet because his phone alarm hasn't gone off.

You've tried the hotel and they wouldn't tell you anything, right? I think I'd ring them and explain the situation, and that he needs to be woken up for work. If they can't tell you whether or not he's there due to data protection, leave your number (in case his phone still won't charge and he can't remember it) and ask them to pass on a message to him to call you as soon as possible.

I would contact the hotel - explain that you are v worried because it’s sonority of character. They may be able to confirm a guest has arrived without giving a room number etc

Yep, tell the hotel that you understand that they can't tell you if he's there or not, but if he is can they pass on the message that you're worried and can be contact you somehow. And leave your number for him in case.

If the phone charger connection is dodgy, it could even be that he went to bed thinking it was charging, but it hasn't charged, therefore his alarm hasn't gone off and you haven't heard from him as he overslept.

I'm sure if you call the hotel and explain the situation they would be able to answer the question 'should I be contacting the police?'. While they can't give out any information I'm sure they would be able to answer that.

but assuming he made it into work he wont get the message from the hotel

Is this real, that no one can find out anything from the hotel, or from his work or the place he will be working from? No one? I can't understand it, although I suppose the old GDPR is probably at play here.

Surely the local police in the area he is staying in could approach the hotel to see if he has checked in etc. and find out more? And they could go to the place of work too. Have they done that, since you don't seem to be able to find out much yourself.

I'm sure all will be well, they usually are in these circumstances, and the phone is usually at fault. That doesn't mean he couldn't have contacted you either way to say hello and let you know he got there ok, just normal stuff. But some people can be a bit ditzy about such things, not deliberately but absent mindedly.

Can’t you call the hotel and ask to be put through to his room, that‘a a standard normal request isn’t it? People do it all the time.

At this point I would contact hotel or his workplace. I’d be worried if it was my DH really hope he contacts you soon.

I already contacted the hotel and was given no information

We get so reliant on phones, don't we, and often don't have contingency plans. I hope that when this is sorted you can put a few things in place to give everyone peace of mind.

What about his work - what have they said?

I know you’re worried op but the fact that he was that tired, honestly it’s so likely that he’s just fast asleep in his hotel room blissfully unaware of the time. Call them and ask to be put through to Mr X’s room. Say it with such confidence that they won’t think twice about it.