DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

[Gamyerco]

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

If this is genuinely the first time he’s acted like this then I’d put money on the fact that he’s projecting and it’s him that’s doing the cheating

(1) get a DNA test
(2) take steps to leave your ‘D’H

I don’t think there is any coming back from this…

Normally it’s coming from guilt that they’ve cheated and projecting it onto you. Any chance that’s the case?

I’d be absolutely fuming if I was accused of this. I don’t know I could ever forget it.

Mm. I thought the same. Either way, I’d be done with the marriage. It’s utterly appalling for him to accuse you of this and I couldn’t forgive it.

Has he been watching incel crap online?

I'm so sorry- this is so awful OP :( if I was you I'd do the test and then divorce him! But I know that's easy for me to say as a stranger online. Is he prone to anxiety? Sounds like OCD or something. But quite unforgiveable to put it on you.

My exact thoughts

I'd not hang around to be accused of cheating, I'd leave and put my claim in for CM and he can request a test through them.

What a twat.

He's cheating.

It's a classic bit of nonsense that men do when they are the ones falling over and finding their penises in another woman's vagina.

You and your son deserve so much more OP.

Agreed.

I'd actually insist on a paternity test.

Boss level move 🙌

For your ds sake I’d probably get the test to protect their relationship but i couldn’t get past this accusation and I think it would be game over.

This 100% .

He's cheating. He wants to break up with you but wants you to do it for him. I'd oblige and do it.

And i wouldn’t hesitate to tell him my suspicions that it’s actually him cheating!

This happened to a friend of mine, yep, her twat husband was cheating. She left him, he ran straight off to his OW, who dumped him when she found out he was actually married! He's now in his early 60s living with his elderly mother. His children don't have anything to do with him.

Get a DNA test and then give him divorce papers with the test results. I don’t think that sort of accusation is something you can come back from.

Sorry OP, but if I had always been faithful, and my husband accused me of cheating, based on him thinking his child doesn't look like him, then I could NOT forgive him. It would be over, and he'd be out!

Also, if he really thought this, he didn't need to risk ruining your relationship by making accusations, he could have just done a DNA test on the quiet, which would have put his mind at rest without damaging your marriage. For one reason or another, he's looking for a way out, likelihood is, he's cheating.

Does he not know that dark hair and eyes are more dominant than fair hair and blue eyes? Chances were your colouring would always win over his.

I'd be furious if I were you. He is accusing you of cheating, having unprotected sex with another man, getting pregnant and then knowingly passing the child off as his when it isn't. He's basically saying he suspects that you have hugely betrayed and deceived him. If you've never given him cause to not trust you, this is pretty unforgivable and I'm not sure how you can move past it.

I'd be so mad, I'd get the paternity test, prove he's the father and then ask him if it was worth it while handing him divorce papers!

Agreed. That was my first thought.

My second thought would be to get your ducks in a row and leave because I'm not sure theres any way to come back from this.

Thanks all. Honestly hadn’t even considered he might be projecting but now a few of you’ve said it… it’s in my head now. Would explain the weird mood swings lately. And he’s been super cagey with his phone recently, kept saying it’s work stuff but idk.

I’m just so gutted. I’ve never done anything to deserve this. I’ve been totally loyal, wiped DS’s bum for 3 yrs straight, run the house, worked part time, never once given him a reason to doubt me. And now this??

Think you’re right - I probs will get the DNA test just to shut him up but the trust is proper broken now. Don’t know if I can come back from this. Keep thinking if he really thought I’d cheat, does he even know me at all?

Feel like my whole marriage is cracking.

Tell him to get a paternity test, he doesn't even have to have your permission, but yes I agree with previous posters. He is looking for any stupid excuse to excuse his affair.

I'd actually be a bit worried about his mental state and whether he is safe to be around. I mean is he in some sort of crisis? He's being so irrational I'd be a bit wary.

Do the test so there is no issues with claiming maintenance when the marriage officially ends. Unforgivable thing to accuse you of in my opinion. Doing the test also prevents your son being exposed to any harmful paternity suggestions that could be made when he is older. Your husband is unlikely to drop this. He wants an excuse to exit parenting his child whenever he finally decides he has had enough.
Am sorry this is happening to you.

Beyond the cheating I’d be worried he might be having some sort of breakdown but either way I don’t see an easy way back from this.