DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

[Gamyerco]

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

I would do the DNA test, print the results off and hand them to him.
When he smiles with relief at the obvious answer that his son is actually his….
I would hand him divorce papers.
But that’s just me.

I'd do the DNA test just to draw a line under it, but i'd probably counter with asking him to do an STD test as I couldn't trust him either.
Then divorce the twat.

Perfect

I agree. He is a cheat. Get the kit. Call his bluff and then have CSA pursue him. You and your child are better off without him.

@Gamyerco what you don’t want is a DNA testing kit you do yourselves from home. If you’re going to leave him then leave FIRST, then get him to demand the paternity test through the CMS after you’ve made a claim for maintenance through them.
IMPORTANTLY they make you get an appointment with a GP who does the DNA swab and they make you take in photographic ID so nobody can fake it! The GP confirms all parties are who they say they are. All three of you will have to have a DNA swab (it’s just a cotton bud rubbed on the inner cheek). I went through this when my DC’s biological father didn’t believe he was the dad.

Sounds like he's been cheating on you. There's a lot of projection in the sort of people who betray their partners.

He's got one eye on the door but he's trying to make it your fault

My ex got a DNA test. He had reasons which were actually valid, but in hindsight he hadn’t wanted to have kids with me and would have liked an excuse to disengage without looking like the bad guy. I found it very difficult but our relationship was controlling and abusive anyway.

In this case the only answer is to give him the DNA test (but he can pay for it) and that shuts him up- but, like you, it would make me reconsider the whole relationship.

What an arse.
Like others, I'd have the DNA test, but all carried out at the doctors, I'd verified etc.
Counselling may be worth a shot if this really is a recent character change, but In all honesty, I don't think you can come back from this. Personally I would struggle to forgive the accusation, it's obviously not taken much for him to be persuaded down Tates grim rabbit hole, and for him to take the 'side' of that misogynistic crap over his lived reality shows a real lack of critical thinking.
Again, as others have suggested, the liklihood that he's projecting his guilty conscience is high.

I would be assuming there's a whole load of factors I'm not taking into consideration I think. He sounds like he has one foot out of the door but is trying to get you to pull the plug. So much for the alpha male shizz eh?

hey op, any update?

This!
What a terrible shock OP. He sounds a complete prick.

Why should a faithful wife have to be put through the humiliation of "proving" herself? Its positively Victorian, misogynistic and totally disrespectful. I wouldn't do it, but if you do OP only do so so that you can hand him the result at the same time as the divorce papers. They are a package imo.

I agree, she shouldn’t have to. But since he’s put her in this position it’s test results and divorce papers in one envelope for me.