DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

[Gamyerco]

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

Newsflash - I don’t owe you nice

Dear god

I think your relationship is over. I mean, can you seriously ever see yourself having sex with this man again?

Op this is so sad. I hope you to the bottom of this. What a prize prick he is

Stick with that feeling of being so done.

Gather all the financial information you need to take to a solicitor.

Get the test done at a proper facility. Then serve him with divorce papers.

My dad has been completely radicalised, he wasn’t amazing before, but he had critical thought, but it’s got to the point he gets all his news from social media and doesn’t understand that algorithms send him down a rabbit hole. He’s single and in his 60s and I’m nearing 40 but he’s very worried about children being kept from their fathers at the moment. Thinks there’s a big conspiracy. I log in to his instagram from time to time to follow cute dog pages and men’s mental health charities to try and mess up his algorithm lol. But every time I log in it’s just a bunch of American conspiracy theorist’s. He’s been getting a lot of anger and rage recently and it’s really impacting him and he’s starting to see it’s being caused by the videos he watches online but he just laughed when I suggested a social media detox

Either he is a weak of brain sort that is easily radicalised by Andrew Tate and his kind or he is projecting because he is having an affair and would rather you were the baddie in the scenario. Essentially a common or garden knob !

I wonder if he's not feeling a bond with DS and is looking for a reason as he can't accept its just that he's not managed to.
Get the test done, that needs doing for DSs sake so his dad has certainty.
Then what you decide to do about the relationship is a personal decision, only you know what he's like fully.

Yeah you’re all right – it’s bloody grim. I did a bit of digging earlier and some of the vids in his watch history are full-on MRA crap. Proper toxic stuff. “All women cheat”, “paternity fraud is normal”, “masculinity under attack” – absolute brain sludge. Can’t believe he’s gone from normal, funny, mostly decent bloke to this overnight. Feels like I’ve lost him to the internet.

I might try saying that to him, that I see what’s happening and he needs to snap out of it if there’s any hope. But truth is, part of me’s already halfway out the door. I don’t even want to touch him right now. Don’t want him near me. It’s not just the accusation – it’s that he looked me dead in the eye and said he didn’t know if DS was his. After everything. How do you come back from that?

He’s upstairs now watching telly like nothing’s happened. I’m downstairs shaking.

I’ll get the test sorted, more for my own sanity at this point. But yeah. He’s a prize cockwomble and I deserve better. Just need to get through the next few days without crying in front of DS.

That Tate stuff he's been watching has made him paranoid that he's been cucked or emasculated, given that he's having a few bonding issues with your son.

I'd be very concerned if someone drew a parallel between Tate type material and men just expressing themselves 😐 It's a thinly veiled way of saying he likes that sort of stuff.

These fucking men! DH and I have 3 DS’s together…1 looks like me, 1 is the spit of DH but with ginger hair and the third looks like my fucking dad! There is a 4th dc too but she’s not biologically DH’s so not relevant in this case. But out of those 4 dc, 3 of them are redheads-DH and I both have brown hair. Never once has he questioned the paternity of the three DS’s (despite the fact that I even once had a TA ask me if they all had the same dad!!).

Anyway-like others I too suspect he’s projecting. Get the DNA test and then tell him to fuck off.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I think you're right to start planning your exit. Once they're that far down the rabbit hole, they don't come back. Do the test, get out, hit the CMS because he is sure as hell going to refuse to pay his dues. And make sure you know everything about his financials because you can't trust him any more.

Has SIL drank the wine already? Could DH explain the mistake and ask for it back?

Last time I looked (have a relative who disputed paternity, well, until the kids started being the spitting image of him) the .gov website had a list of approved dna test companies.

Good luck, sounds like he's lost his senses to the interweb twats.

I'm on the wrong thread too. Sorry

You're on the wrong thread.

Oops

OP I’m so sorry.

If you feel done then focus on protecting yourself. Educate yourself. Read the relationships board here. Think about how and when to separate. He has already detached and he is not your friend. You need to move forward on the basis that he is not on your side and has no interest in being fair or reasonable.

Christ, no, don’t play right into him doing the wife work of sorting a DNA test for the child you know is your dh’s because he’s turned into a prize wanker. He wants you to prove his own child is his, let him do all the bloody work. He can explain it all himself. You’ll both have to have it done supervised. He can have the embarrassment of dealing with it. You just roll on in there when it’s time.

Could be possible hre is having an affair

But

Is it possibly that a work collleague or personal friend has found out they are not that biological dad of their kids and this has put the thought in his head?

Leave - get a DNA test - let him regret for the rest of his life…
There’s no coming back from this…

What an idiot

I have darked eye and dark haired kids - my colouring. Their dad is blue and blonde. Its dark hari and eyes dominant over blue and blonde hair?

Like pp said if he REALLY thought that there was ANY chance the child wasn’t his he could have gone ahead and done a DNA test without accusing you of cheating and throwing this grenade into your marriage

He cheating

Op please don't doubt yourself with, he doesn't know me, of course he does, and of course you haven't had an affair and little one is his, but what's his game, we're does he want this to go, what's he going to do when the test comes back ( he's the daddy) of course it will, what then, wonder what the game plan is, ??
He hasn't realised the damage this will do or has he,
You need to play nice, get dna done while snooping around for clues anything, ipad, phone if you can get it, savnav to see postcodes, monthly expenses if anything sticks out, fone bill, does he have a works fone,
God why do they do this , it will come out sooner or later op, hang in there and start getting your ducks in a row,