DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

[Gamyerco]

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

Do a dna.
Dh did one with his dd as his ex wasn't sure who was dsc father 🤔' gene track' I think it was called. Mouth swabs . Couple weeks wait for results. Iirc it was £200?

Was literally gonna say the same thing.

Honestly if my husband said something like that I’d honestly tell him to fuck off, arrange a DNA test and start claiming child support from him. Because our baby is definitely his. I certainly wouldn’t have him moping around my fucking home- if he thought this he’d be gone surely? It’s a huge betrayal if it was real.

I would like to know where all this is coming from. Is he cheating and therefore projecting or has a twat friend/familymember said something about him not being the father due to DS looks? You def need to have a talk about this. It's extremely hurtful. If he wants to do a dnatest let him but it would be hard to come back from. Unless there is a backstory here and you have cheated on him previously..

I'm sorry Gamyerc but your update has all the signs of cheating. The secrecy, the mood changes and now the accusations.

I'm not sure there's any point trying to stick around fixing the cracks, it sounds like he's already check out.

I really hope you have lots of support around you and you can leave as soon as possible.

A previous poster makes a very good point that if this had been on his mind he could if allayed his own fears by doing a secret DNA test

Instead he had chosen to accuse you to your face if cheating

He definitely has ulterior motives

I couldn’t move past this. I’d give him the test and then divorce papers.

Agree with others. He’s probably cheating.

Do the test, prove him wrong.
Insist on seeing his phone, without giving him a chance to delete anything.
Prepare for divorce.

The guilty often accuse the innocent of what THEY have done/would do, because it’s plausible to them that you would do it (in this case be unfaithful and hide it) because it’s what they’re doing, so they realise it’s possible.

I would echo the PP that he’s probably having an affair and is using the “I’m married but I believe my wife was unfaithful and our son that I’ve been raising isn’t even mine” to gain sympathy with the OW; he’s been lying about it so much he’s starting to believe his own lies.

What a twat
I'm sorry OP. PP have given good advice, I personally like the DNA test results with the divorce papers !

Do you think someone has put the idea in his head? Would be like people on here putting ideas in your head. Do you get on with his family/friends. It's the sort of thing I can imagine my late MIL saying.

Thinking about it if there is another woman she could have put the idea in his head.

Try and check his phone !!

He’s totally projecting. He’s setting it up so that he can say you’ve cheated and he’s forced to split. Get that DNA test and then get a bloody good solicitor. He’s up to something. He’s probably cheating. I’m sorry to be so blunt but I’ve lived this shit.

I could t come back from this. I'm sorry

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate the replies. Feel a bit less mad now knowing others would be this upset too.

He’s not usually anxious tbh, or not that I’ve noticed. Bit of a bottler though, keeps stuff in till it explodes. No history of OCD or anything like that but he has been off lately. Snappy, distracted, glued to his phone. I asked him a few weeks back if everything was ok and he said work stress. Now I’m thinking maybe that was bollocks.

Not cheated, not ever. Never even flirted. So if someone has said summat to him, they’re either lying or stirring. He’s not close to his family but he has got this one mate who’s a total arse and cheats on his GF constantly. Always making weird jokes about “how do you know the kid’s yours” type crap so maybe it’s sunk in?

Tbh I don’t care about doing the test at this point. I know what it’ll say. But I do care that the man I married doesn’t trust me enough to believe I haven’t shagged someone else.

Not sure if I wanna see his phone or if I’m too scared to look. Proper heart in mouth moment. Might give myself the weekend and decide what to do Monday. Just feel flat right now.

My friends DP went like this as he read an article about how women store sperm from every man they have had sex with and that any child born is not truly the man’s who they conceived with.

They are no longer together and he is zero contact with the children.

I do wonder if it is a social media trend, because I have seen several youtube videos on patternity tests just with the same argument. And the world is crazy enough...

Do the test, chuck his sorry ass out, claim maintenance from him.

He knows you haven't cheated.

This. He's accusing you of behaviour so depraved there's no way to possibly respect or cherish such a man again.

If he is having weird mood swings & cagey with phone , there is something going on ..
Does he have the opportunity to conduct an affair?
Sorry you are going through this OP , it’s shit 😔

This is awful OP. I thought "he's cheating" straight away too. When I read your update, I was even more sure. What a twat.

My kids have two different dads but both resemble me (and each other) massively. My DH is actually pretty insecure (been cheated on before and has a daft idea that I'm "out of his league") but even he'd never suspect DS isn't his. I couldn't forgive this, even if he isn't cheating.

I’m voting projection

Tbh I don’t care about doing the test at this point. I know what it’ll say. But I do care that the man I married doesn’t trust me enough to believe I haven’t shagged someone else.

He doesn't think that though, it's just a convenient way of him justifying his actions.

Please for your child's sake don't let this all simmer down. I know it feels scary to consider leaving but if he's done it once he will do it again and again.

I'm really sorry, but I would seriously consider the projecting possibility. My ex DH got very paranoid about me cheating, for absolutely no reason. Guess what he was up to!

That has got to be the biggest load of bollocks that I've heard in a very long time! What kind of idiot even believes that? 🙄

What did I just read????