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Original poster

DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

214 replies

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

OP posts:
MignonsMorceaux · 07/06/2025 21:29

So sorry OP. Those shitty podcasts aren't exactly cleverly argued - a man would have to be either already a bit of a misogynist and/or a bit simple to fall for it.

You don't have to put up with it but I'm sorry it's happening to you and your DS.

Tiswa · 07/06/2025 21:29

Agree with either cheating/Andrew Tate or botn

neither DD or DS look like DH but share the same amount of DNA - DS got into ancestry when he was around 9 so we all got DNA tests that way!

DuckBee · 07/06/2025 21:31

Don’t sort a dna test for him because they’ll always be another reason like you’ve faked it etc. I’m guessing there wasn’t any chance of ds being swapped in hospital so definitely is your biological too?

I have to say I was impressed with my hubby. The doctor said with his sperm results that there was no way he could already be a father. He refused to get a dna test to check.

ManchesterLu · 07/06/2025 21:32

MoominUnderWater · 07/06/2025 19:15

For your ds sake I’d probably get the test to protect their relationship but i couldn’t get past this accusation and I think it would be game over.

Yeah definitely this. Splitting when your husband isn't sure of paternity won't make for a positive relationship in the future with the two of them, but get the test, prove your point, and move on. I couldn't be with someone who accused me of this.

Wingingit247 · 07/06/2025 21:36

Oh OP, I am so so sorry 😔 if the whole basically accusing you of cheating thing wasn’t enough, I’m afraid I’d cast another vote in to say it sounds really likely that he’s projecting because he’s cheating, and that was before I read your replies about his recent behaviour with his phone, it’s textbook. I will be VERY surprised if he isn’t cheating on you.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/06/2025 21:37

@Gamyerco well it would be dna results and divorce papers delivered at the same time if it was me!

Original poster
Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 21:37

Yeah I’ve wondered that too. DS has always been a bit of a mummy’s boy and lately he’s full-on clingy with me, won’t let DH do bedtime, pushes him away sometimes. Think it’s bruised his ego a bit tbh. But instead of working on bonding with him, he’s jumped to “he must not be mine” like a bloody toddler himself.

You’re right tho – I’ll get the test sorted, if nothing else for DS so he never has to deal with this hanging over him. He deserves better than this weird cloud of doubt.

As for the rest of it… yeah. Only I know the full picture but it’s not looking good right now. Can’t stop thinking that if he wanted a reason to walk away, he’s just created one.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 07/06/2025 21:38

sorry. No coming back from this one

yes sounds like he’s cheating if mood changes and guarding phone and didn’t used to

JFDIYOLO · 07/06/2025 21:39

So sorry, OP. I'd get the DNA test done purely to have cast iron evidence that he's liable for child maintenance. No wriggle room. Has he been making remarks to your children about all this?

2025ismybestyear · 07/06/2025 21:39

I'm so sorry @Gamyerco. Your husband is a dickhead but you've got your head screwed on right.

Messycoo · 07/06/2025 21:39

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 19:08

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

Nail on the head !

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 07/06/2025 21:40

What a prick he is.

When DS1 was born my then in-laws told DP that he couldn't possibly be the father because DS was blonde and no one in their family is blonde. My entire family are though! Luckily he told them where to go.

20 years later DS' hair is dark blonde/ light brown, but other than that he's the spitting image of his father.

DS2 OTOH has his dad's colouring, but other than that is my twin.

Wreckinball · 07/06/2025 21:40

Do the test to prove a point and divorce him - no one can expect a relationship to be ok after him saying you’ve cheated on me and then lied for 7 years

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 21:42

That is horrendous.

If he really suspected anything was amiss he could have discreetly done a DNA test himself.

I would never forgive such an accusation.

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 21:48

I believe that this hasn’t come from him originally.

He’s raised the boy and bonded with him. Someone has put a vicious tongue in his ear and said that his son doesn’t resemble him and being a weak man he has allowed that seed of doubt to grow in his mind to use as a weapon against you.

As suggested already, have a DNA test and divorce him.

GreenCandleWax · 07/06/2025 21:52

Gamyerco · 07/06/2025 20:55

Yeah you’re all right – it’s bloody grim. I did a bit of digging earlier and some of the vids in his watch history are full-on MRA crap. Proper toxic stuff. “All women cheat”, “paternity fraud is normal”, “masculinity under attack” – absolute brain sludge. Can’t believe he’s gone from normal, funny, mostly decent bloke to this overnight. Feels like I’ve lost him to the internet.

I might try saying that to him, that I see what’s happening and he needs to snap out of it if there’s any hope. But truth is, part of me’s already halfway out the door. I don’t even want to touch him right now. Don’t want him near me. It’s not just the accusation – it’s that he looked me dead in the eye and said he didn’t know if DS was his. After everything. How do you come back from that?

He’s upstairs now watching telly like nothing’s happened. I’m downstairs shaking.

I’ll get the test sorted, more for my own sanity at this point. But yeah. He’s a prize cockwomble and I deserve better. Just need to get through the next few days without crying in front of DS.

Not sure why you think its a good idea to do the paternity test, OP.
In your shoes I would feel totally demeaned by doing it, as you know that DH is the father but DH says he doesn't trust you. The onus should not be on you to "prove" what a loving decent partner should already know and trust you for.
i wouldn't do it. Hold your head high, you have nothing to prove. Once you are divorced (and there is no coming back from this unless he is having a mental breakdown of some sort), he can apply for a test if he contests CMS. He has just thrown a massive hand grenade into your marriage, and blown it up. He has destroyed it, not you, and its not for you to clear up the mess or run round after him now. Sorry its so awful. 💐

GreenCandleWax · 07/06/2025 21:56

Omgblueskys · 07/06/2025 21:26

Op please don't doubt yourself with, he doesn't know me, of course he does, and of course you haven't had an affair and little one is his, but what's his game, we're does he want this to go, what's he going to do when the test comes back ( he's the daddy) of course it will, what then, wonder what the game plan is, ??
He hasn't realised the damage this will do or has he,
You need to play nice, get dna done while snooping around for clues anything, ipad, phone if you can get it, savnav to see postcodes, monthly expenses if anything sticks out, fone bill, does he have a works fone,
God why do they do this , it will come out sooner or later op, hang in there and start getting your ducks in a row,

Show quote history

Why should OP demean herself by doing the test?

Init4thecatz · 07/06/2025 21:57

Do the test, but on the spot (out of the blue) say you want to see his phone.

"I'm happy do do this, but it shows you don't trust me. I am doing this test to alleviate those concerns, but as a reciprocal demonstration, I want to see your phone. I believe that this could be a guilt thing, and that you might be projecting".

If he fights it mite than a "yeah, just don't read the texts between my mum and i"... then you've got a problem.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 07/06/2025 22:00

TomatoSandwiches · 07/06/2025 19:13

I'd not hang around to be accused of cheating, I'd leave and put my claim in for CM and he can request a test through them.

What a twat.

This would be me too.

I would send him a copy of the cert first class and that would be the limit of me extending him further goodwill.

Bridgetjonesheart · 07/06/2025 22:01

Get the test then tell him to f*ck off

Scentedjasmin · 07/06/2025 22:05

I would lay it out on the table and say that if there is no trust there, then why should you trust him. Tell him it works both ways. Tell him that you will happily do a dna test if he pays and if he immediately hands over his phone/ laptop and all his passwords!

k1233 · 07/06/2025 22:10

If you want to see his phone wait till it's in his hand and tell him you're more than happy to do a DNA test on DS if you can see his phone right now. Not in 5 minutes, but right now. Tell him if he says no, you'll be left with no other conclusion that he's hiding something and most likely an affair. After all it's very common for cheaters to accuse their partners of cheating. See how he reacts to being accused of cheating.

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 22:10

I would get him to repeat his nasty accusation to his parents who no doubt will be horrified he is risking them not seeing their grandchild.

I bet his mother would go spare at him!

Hoogey · 07/06/2025 22:11

He's projecting. My ex did this when I was pregnant and accused me of cheating when HE WAS SHAGGING HIS MISTRESS. Its classic - you should call him out on it. Wanker.

allmycagesweremental · 07/06/2025 22:12

Yeah, this would be a LTB moment for me. When you break it down her is accusing you of not just cheating but getting pregnant by someone else, having that baby and then deceiving him this whole time into believing another man’s child is his. THAT is the type of person he thinks you are? He thinks you’re capable of that? I wouldn’t be able to stay with someone who had such a low opinion of me. It’s incredibly hurtful.