DH is accusing me of cheating because DS “looks nothing like him” - wtf??

[Gamyerco]

Need to let this out cos I’m fuming. Been with DH nearly a decade, married 7 yrs, DS is 3. Out of nowhere today he says he’s been “thinking for a while” that DS doesn’t look like him and he’s not sure he’s the dad. Like… what??

DS has my colouring - brown eyes, dark hair. DH is lighter, blue eyes, dark blonde. But DS has his exact chin and same daft sticky out ears. It’s not like he came out looking like the postman.

Now DH is moping round the house, barely talking to me, keeps going quiet then saying stuff like “I just can’t stop thinking about it” and “maybe we should do a test”. I’m gobsmacked. Never even looked at another man. Had a bloody EMCS, couldn’t even walk for weeks after giving birth and now he’s chucking this at me?

Told him he’s being ridiculous and hurtful. He reckons he’s “just being honest”. Nah mate, you’re being a prat.

I honestly dunno where this is coming from. He’s never been insecure like this before. I think maybe it’s cos DS is all over me at the moment and barely gives DH the time of day, but still - accusing me of cheating? That’s serious. I’m properly hurt.

Has anyone else had this crap? Did you manage to move past it or is this the start of the end?

That is not normal behaviour. My best friend's dh did this when he was having an affair and planning to leave her.

Another vote for
Sounds like he's the one cheating

He is cheating but hasn't got the balls to leave. Say nothing but start the war chest, stash money away, get all the paper work ready. Keep your powder dry until you are ready. I would tell him to sort out a DNA test if he truly believes you cheated.

Incels who want to pretend their hatred for non-virgin women is scientific

Like the saying goes....
A guilty conscience requires no accuser.....

A jealous insecure man who has been indoctrinated by the likes of Andrew Tate.

My dh said this to me on two occasions. He had a longstanding mental illness with psychosis. So perhaps suggest he sees a psychiatrist.

I personally wouldn't bother getting the test. And presumably you would know if ye were ill. He's lashing out, trying to hurt or provoke you in some way. Is he trying to make you leave.

Same.

He's checking out of the relationship and doing it the cruelest way ever by denying his own son. Tell him that!
Yes he's cheating!

What difference would it make to him? But if he wants the test then agree to it. He won’t be able to complain about child maintenance if you split up.

I wonder if someone said something to him. But he should be really daft not to know that brown coloring is stronger than blue.

March him straight down to the Doctor ( or wherever ) get the tests and proof - not that you need it !

Then you go straight to a solicitor and divorce him - making sure the whole wide world esp his family know why.

My ex did this, he convinced himself he wasn’t the eldest’s dad (they look like twins - if you put baby pictures next to each other, most people can’t tell the difference) ... turned out he was shagging about and wanted to make me look like a dick too (obvs hadn’t had anyone else’s knob in me)

I hope your husband isn’t doing the same but the trust would be gone for me anyway.

I’d get the test and then get rid of him.

Had a boyfriend ages ago with paranoid personality disorder who was also convinced, entirely irrationally, that I was cheating on him. Needless to say the relationship didn't last. Try looking it up and see if any of the typical traits apply to your husband. Bear in mind some people manage to mask fairly well so you may not have realised something was off in earlier years.

By all means let him get the paternity test, but tell him that when it comes back and shows he’s the dad, which it will, you will be seeking a divorce, and will have incontrovertible evidence for CMS. It’s unforgivable of him and would be a deal breaker for me. I’m inclined to agree with other posters, that he’s projecting and it’s actually him having the affair. Whatever the case, I’d find it pretty much impossible to come back from this.

Get the test. Then the deliver the results in the same envelope as the divorce papers.

1. Dna test to prove he is the father
2. Divorce the bastard

Sounds like online radicalisation. I wouldn’t be surprised if you scratched the surface he has some pretty horrific misogynistic views. The incel stuff can fundamentally change someone’s personality. Id be looking at his browsing history - bet itll be Andrew Tate type stuff. The fact he’s accusing you of cheating out of no where has probably caused a complete break in your relationship

I would be furious. He's accusing you of cheating. I would do a DNA test to prove that DC is his child but I'd also reconsider my relationship with him. I also wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating. His insecurity comes from his behaviour. The truth will always come out @Gamyerco

Was the scientific proof similar to that by Andrew Wakefield (who lyingly maintained the MMR vaccine caused autism)?

Ugh yeah wouldn’t surprise me if he’s been watching some dodgy crap online. He’s got into watching random podcasts on YouTube lately, lots of “men’s mental health” stuff that starts off sounding decent then veers into weird “women lie” territory. I’ve overheard bits and just rolled my eyes but maybe it’s sunk in more than I thought.

He def could be having an affair. Works late a lot, travels now and then, and never lets me near his phone anymore. Used to leave it lying around all the time, now it’s face down or in his pocket constantly. Starting to look suss in hindsight.

Gonna try and get a look at it. Not proud but at this point I think I need to know. Just hope I don’t find something I can’t unsee.

Feel sick again. This whole thing’s doing my head in.

Also, @Gamyerco, when you do the paternity test, make sure that he does use his own DNA and doesn't substitute that of a friend.. (Sorry if someone else has suggested this, I've not read the whole thread).

I’d be fuming too. Sorry you’re going through this.

Id get a test then leave. I’d also be looking more closely at him as it may be projection. Sounds like he’s causing a huge issue so you do the breaking up so he doesn’t have to. He can play the victim that way.

If you snoop and find something make sure you take pictures.

if you don’t he will gaslight the hell out of you.

https://www.reuters.com/fact-check/study-did-not-find-women-store-dna-intercourse-with-men-2024-01-22/

it was fact checked last year it seems