I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

[MoreThanOverwhelmed]

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Do you have support from friends and family?

Sorry - nothing constructive to say but I'm so sorry and wish you all the very best xx

My goodness I’m so sorry. Can you ask the ward if there’s a charity they’d recommend about telling your children? Also, talk to school about what they’d recommend too.
I am so very sorry x

I’m so sorry. I too lost my husband to cancer, my children are still in school but older than yours. There are tough times ahead; all I can advise is to use the support that’s around you, don’t feel you have to do it all alone. My thoughts are with you

I’m sorry. Cancer is an utter bastard, I’m glad you get married though as you’ll always have that.

Oh op 😢
what a difficult situation to be in

can you tell is a bit about your day? Are the children getting support from the charities that support and explain?

(((((hugs)))))

I am so so sorry OP. You are experiencing one of the worse tragedies life can throw at you. Go and hug your new husband and cry together. He must be feeling horrible too. The whole essence of marriage is to share the good and the bad together. You don't need to pretend, you both know where you stand. Embrace every minute together, talk about the amazing moments you shared together and how amazing your children are. Make memories together for them.

Big hug to you on this horrible moment when the adrenalin goes and you are just left with despair. I hope you have good support from your family and friends xx

I’m so very sorry
It’s a totally shit situation.

i can’t offer help but wanted you to know someone read your post and is here xx

Don’t look at the bigger picture as it’s so overwhelming, just try to deal with each situation as it arises in whatever works best for you. Much love

I am so sorry. We got married when DH was diagnosed too, we didn't get to see our first anniversary but I am glad we had our wedding day as I know how much it meant to him. I think you just have to get through each moment as it comes, it feels impossible. Have you got support?

I am so, so sorry. How unbelievably cruel that you have to go through this when already feeling vulnerable with your own health. You have many things you are processing and grieving right now.

I don't know if you want advice, but after having a close friend go through it, this is what I would say.

You start making plans. You get your DH to write a list of things he would regret not doing.
Things like letters for the kids for their 21st birthdays or their weddings.

You make sure wills and insurance is up to date and you have his passwords for everything.

You tell the kids before things get too bad, so they have time to grieve before the end.

You book yourself time to have a bath and cry and release. Then you get up the next day and work your way down that list.

You can do this. You will be okay and the kids will be okay. You will never be the same again, but you will be okay.

Nothing about this is beautiful or the other bullshit that people say, but it can be done well. This process, this journey will be what you and your kids remember for the rest of their lives.
Which is a lot of pressure and you are having to be everything for everyone. So start simple. Start with what you can control and achieve.

Sending you an un-mumsnetty hug or handhold 💞🫂

My family and PILs are absolutely amazing. They have been, and continue to be so supportive and helpful. But they do have their own lives and families to contend with too.

Have you got hospice support?

You need some counselling and support. Winston’s wish is amazing op. I am so sorry this is happening to you. The pain and grief you sre experiencing must be unbearable. I am so glad you have a family around you that love you, let them look after you op.

I am so sorry, @MoreThanOverwhelmed

There's an MN thread dedicated to partners of those diagnosed with cancer.
It is full of compassion and support:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3

I'm so so sorry - I cant think of anything else I can say, but I'm so glad you have family support ❤️

Oh OP, I am so very sorry. This is incredibly hard for you. I’m sure others have pointed you towards Winston’s wish. A friend used them when her DH passed suddenly a couple of years ago and their support was invaluable. Lots of love from all us mums-netter’s to you and your family

Life is just so bloody unfair sometimes. I’m glad you managed to get married, that will mean so much to you in the future, that special thing you did for each other at a devastating time for you both.
Telling your children will obviously be difficult but if they have visited him they will know how ill he is. Perhaps start with a simple conversation about how ill he is, and how sad you are about that. They may ask the question then. Children understand more than we think, and they may already know that their Daddy may die.
Sending my best wishes.

I'm so sorry x

I am so sorry op. 💐💐💐

I’m so sorry

I've witnessed your situation first hand that involved friends of mine.
Their first dance was heartbreaking to watch knowing he only had two months to live.
My heart goes out to you and your children.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your family.

I’ve got no real advice, but from my own experience of being widowed, I can only suggest that you get support from everywhere you can, and then just take one day at a time.

The initial pain, grief and stress will gradually fade a bit, but give yourself time and look after yourself.

Best wishes to everyone 💐

I am so sorry you are all going through this x

I am so sorry OP.

Sending you a ((hug)).