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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

534 replies

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
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7
oliviad1986 · 07/06/2025 09:37

I am just so sorry OP that this is happening to you. Everything else just seems so trivial in comparison to what you are going through and I send you so much love. Please rely on friends and family for anything you need. Let it out on here too. I wish I could help you through your heartache.

Purplebunnie · 07/06/2025 09:38

I am so very sorry sending you hugs and love x

Nowayyousure · 07/06/2025 09:39

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Louloubelles · 07/06/2025 09:51

I have been through the same with 2 primary aged children. It is so hard. Take as much help as people are willing to give and be kind to yourself. I am several years on now and myself and my children are doing well. You will be ok. Sending lots of love.

Flamingmentalcats · 07/06/2025 09:57

I am so sorry x

Eastie77Returns · 07/06/2025 10:08

I’m so very sorry. Wish I had something more eloquent and wise to write. I hope the time you have left together is filled with as much joy and peace as possible.

elusiveemz · 07/06/2025 10:09

First of all, congratulations on the wedding. Less than ideal circumstances, but still a wonderful occasion to celebrate the love you have with each other.

Secondly, I am so so sorry that this is the situation you are in. It's horrible. It's unfair and it's cruel. Nothing anyone can say will change that.

But you will survive. You will get through it. Even if it doesn't feel like it at times. It will be hard. So hard. But you will be OK, and your children will be OK.

One of my best friends lost her husband in an accident just a few months after they got married. They had one child in y5 at the time. She's three years on now, and while she is of course still grieving her husband, she's also living again, and her son is in high school and doing well.

She told me that all she could do in those early days was get through the day hour by hour. When she went to bed, she would tell herself 'I've managed to get through a day', and at the end of the week she would 'celebrate' getting through the week by buying herself a fancy coffee, a new book - just tiny things to remind herself she was surviving and even when it felt thr world was falling in, she was still there, still holding it up.

I don't know if that's any help, but i know it helped her.

Make sure you are looking after yourself as well. You've just had surgery and you matter. Reach out for support, don't worry about feeling cheeky to call in favours and ask for help. Schools often have a family support or liason officer that at the very least will be able ton signpost you to help and put measures in place to support thr children in school.

Sending you lots of love

ERthree · 07/06/2025 10:12

Life is so cruel, please use the support that is around you. x

Appley86 · 07/06/2025 10:28

I’m so sorry and sending so much love to you all. Hoping some of the many brilliant charities can help guide and support you all. I thought Rio Ferdinand’s documentaries on BBC iPlayer were really good and it seemed like they and other families got so much from support groups, especially the children who’ve experienced similar situations. Remember there are lots of us here for you if you ever need to come online and talk to someone. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and wish you all the very best, now and for happier times ahead (which will follow, even though it’s so hard to see them right now) xx

JamesGetIn · 07/06/2025 10:29

I’m so sorry 💐

SerafinasGoose · 07/06/2025 10:51

Your heartbreaking story moved me to tears this morning. I'm so sorry, my darling. Nothing anyone can say will make this better, but sending you heartfelt love and empathy from a MN stranger ❤

Giggorata · 07/06/2025 10:52

Congratulations on your wedding, and also I am so sorry that there is that separation and sadness to follow. 💐

I wish you strength and comfort.

TicTac80 · 07/06/2025 10:58

OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this. If your husband is under the care of oncology, palliative or hospice nurses, it could be worth asking them if they have support in place for families. Most teams will have things in place or be able to signpost/refer to excellent support.

When my patients (I'm a Sister on an acute resp ward - but for adults rather than paeds) have been terminally ill, we have managed to make sure families with young kids have had support with play specialists etc. We have also been on hand with supporting families when they have to talk to children about a loved one being terminally ill. Winston's Wish is amazing too.

I've never been in your situation and I can't imagine what it must be like, but I have looked after many families like yours. Try and get all the support you can: we (HCPs) want to look after you and help you guys through these times.

skyeisthelimit · 07/06/2025 11:18

OP, I am so sorry for you. There are some great charities out there that can help you, like McMillan.

Our local hospice help families, and there are a few charities already mentioned on here that support children.

Their primary school may also be able to help them with therapy sessions etc, DD's school had a craft worker who held sessions where children could craft and talk. (she was properly trained).

BrianWankum · 07/06/2025 11:23

It's awful that this is happening to your family, I'm so sorry.

I hope you and your children can get support xxx

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 07/06/2025 11:32

Cry as much as you need to. You are in pain and it's a perfectly reasonable response. Keep posting. Mumsnetters are a supportive bunch, especially in a crisis.

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 15:45

You are all so lovely to have taken time out of your day to respond to me.
I have moments where I kind of "forget" about how shit my life is, then it's like I suddenly remember & the tears don't stop.
This does seem to coincide with my painkillers wearing off (I had a hysterectomy last week with a hip-to-hip incision) & although I mostly feel okay enough to not need the painkillets I am feeling a lot more emotional without them.
DH & I are 36 & it is all just a complete shower of shit.

OP posts:
MorphandMindy · 07/06/2025 15:52

That is so very young to be facing this event. Giving you a big hug, OP. Sometimes there is literally nothing else to do but take a moment for yourself to despair before you have to pack it up and pin a smile on for the children. It is a very human thing.

And surgery can make be very disorienting indeed - there's something about that loss of control over your own body that brings a lot of emotion to the surface, along with the pain.

Wishing you peace and strength xx

Moonbelly · 07/06/2025 16:05

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 15:45

You are all so lovely to have taken time out of your day to respond to me.
I have moments where I kind of "forget" about how shit my life is, then it's like I suddenly remember & the tears don't stop.
This does seem to coincide with my painkillers wearing off (I had a hysterectomy last week with a hip-to-hip incision) & although I mostly feel okay enough to not need the painkillets I am feeling a lot more emotional without them.
DH & I are 36 & it is all just a complete shower of shit.

We were the same age when Husband passed. 36. And a hysterectomy as well. You poor thing. You do eventually come out the other side. Sending you so much strength

pimplebum · 07/06/2025 16:07

Winston’s wish is a charity that helps with young children and loss of parents

so sorry you are dealing with this life can be so cruel

Daleksatemyshed · 07/06/2025 16:14

That's so sad @MoreThanOverwhelmed , the wedding must have been very, very emotional and difficult, 36 is still so young 💔

Fahdidahlia · 07/06/2025 16:32

Remember you are an amazing strong young woman who found a love that won't end on his passing. It'll live through memories, acts and your children. You will get through this but cry, scream and at times laugh at much as you need to. The grieving process has already begun but remember you've been there throughout not just at the end. Wishing you well.

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 18/06/2025 14:54

As if my life couldn't get any better, I've just received a message from DH saying that they are moving him to end of life care so I need to visit tomorrow to sort out making sure I can deal with all of the utility bills etc. 😢

OP posts:
uncomfortablydumb60 · 18/06/2025 14:59

Gosh I'm so very sorry
I I hope the wedding brought brief moments of Joy to you both
Cancer is a bastard

Zoopet · 18/06/2025 15:09

Sending love and hugs to you and your family. Xx