I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

[MoreThanOverwhelmed]

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

I am so so sorry. You are both so young. Please get all the support you can around you. Sending love from N London xx

I'm so sorry, that's complete shit.

The one thing I regret from my DH's last days is not getting a recording of his voice. So I'd suggest thinking about that if you haven't already. Someone in my grief support group posted how to get Alexa to play back all the instructions she's ever been given and I confess I was reduced to playing back endless repeats of 'Alexa stop' etc just so I didn't forget what his voice sounded like. It seemed to make sense at the time though I can smile wryly at it now.

Thinking of you and sending love and strength.

I'm so so sorry.

Do whatever you need to do. Scream, cry, whatever and don't feel a slight bit sorry for it.

Then focus on the fact that you've had warning. By knowing you've been given the chance to say everything you want to each other. To prepare the kids. To take all the recordings and videos for yourself and the kids. For him to write and record for milestones he won't see. It can never make up for what you've lost but it's a chance for him to pass peacefully without loose ends or wishing you could have said x,y,z.

Take in craft stuff if you can, make prints or casts of his hands so they can 'touch him' and see how their hands grow compared to his.

Oh @MoreThanOverwhelmed I am so sorry to hear of your situation. As others have said, I have nothing constructive to add or advice to give, but this stranger who doesn't know you is sharing your pain. Sending love and a big hug.

And record him singing nursery rhymes etc so you can put a copy in a toy for your kids.

I just read your more recent post and I am so sorry about your DH. 36 is way too young. Nothing useful to say but thinking of you during this really awful time.

I’m so sorry . X

I am so very sorry.I don't know what the correct thing to say to make you feel ok.My sister was in the same situation 3 years ago.She hadn't had surgery like yourself and her husband's cancer was diagnosed 3 weeks before he passed.He died 2 days before sons birthday and 4 days before my sister's and their Grandad, husbands Dad passed a month before.
She is doing well now , but at the time everyone in the community pulled together , the children had amazing support when counselling.
Your wedding day wasn't how you expected it to be and that is so unfair and cruel.I am so sorry.
We will all be here to listen and support you any time.

That’s just shit, OP. I’m desperately sorry for you.

Wishing you strength and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.

Sending you, your DCs and your DH my thoughts, op. Take all of the support you can, and continue to call on them when you need them.

What an incredibly sad and difficult situation, I'm so sorry for you all. Wishing you all the strength and support you need.

Sending you love from Bristol 💐. You’re in my thoughts.

So so sorry x

What a miserable time, I'm so sorry this is happening to you and of course you are crying your heart out. You are mourning the wedding and the life you had planned for. End of life care must feel very final too simply adding to the stress of it all. You've had a lot of practical advice about charities who can help support you with your children and have a lot of support from family. Yes they all have their own lives but they will be a rock for you in the coming weeks.

You need to look after yourself. Take the pain meds offered and ask for more if they are not hitting the sides. Spend time with your husband. Bring the kids, read stories have quiet times and have family on hand to collect them and take them home. Suspend normal life and the school routine if it makes life easier; or carry on if that works better.

In practical terms - if you have the energy between you to call all the utilities companies and put your name on the account it will make life easier. You can make the calls and simply hand the phone over to him to confirm his wishes. My MIL had to reopen all of her accounts and go through credit checks etc when they'd been with British Gas etc for 30 years.
Similarly have him move any ready cash out of his personal accounts so you can access it in a joint or personal account. The bank isn't allowed to move it once he is gone. It becomes part of the probate process or something if its in his sole account.
That all said, don't fill your time together with practical crap. It all gets sorted eventually.

I'm so very sorry for what you are going through.
I hope that you have moments of joy from your wedding, and from being husband & wife forever, to hold you through these days. Wishing you both peace

Winston's wish are very good with this type of thing. So sorry OP. I hope you have someone to offload to in real life.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending love and hugs to you and your family.

Oh I'm so sorry. That's such a sad thing to happen. Your poor husband. I feel for him and for you and the children. I'm really glad you got married - that must have helped put his mind at ease. I'm shocked they told him they were moving him to end-of-life care when you weren't with him. How terrifying for him.

Lovely ideas those for OP and the DC to remember him by.

Make sure that your children's school are up to speed with everything...they will help. Thinking of you all xxx

I’m so sorry OP. Can you ask the hospital if they have a nurse specialist who might be able to help tell the kids? We have 3 in our department who are amazing at things like this

So very sorry OP. Sending you strength & love.
Seconded the recommendations about Winston's Wish. Their printed material and direct support was invaluable to us many years ago.

I'm so sorry you and your husband are facing such a terrible time. Life can be so cruel and unfair. One day I hope you will be able to look back and take some comfort from the fact that you were able to get married.
I'm glad that you have some good family support to keep you going. Sending you much love and strength to get through the time ahead xxx

I am so sorry op. 💐💐💐

Sending you and your family love. X