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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

534 replies

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
speckledf · 22/07/2025 10:45

Im really sorry, I have just read your update. I hadn't seen that your OP was back in June. Im so so sorry.

Widower2014 · 22/07/2025 11:00

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 07/06/2025 05:07

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

Ask the ward staff for help. Our hospital has a bereavement team on site for siblings loosing a baby brother/sister. When my wife passed unexpectedly, they were brilliant with the kids and me

DisabledDemon · 22/07/2025 11:02

Well, I'm not surprised that you're crying. You would have to have a heart of stone not to. You're living in a state of constant stress/distress.

I wish I could say something that would help you and take away this pain. Unfortunately, I have nothing that powerful except to say that I will pray for you. They do say that God does not send more to test us than we can bear but sometimes I really do wonder.

Zov · 22/07/2025 11:10

I'm so sorry @MoreThanOverwhelmed

Wishing you peace and love... No words really. Look after yourself. Flowers

Brizzlerocks · 22/07/2025 11:20

OP. I just wanted to say it's quite normal to drink too much at funerals. Do not even think about beating yourself up about it.

Today I am sure will be terrible and horrific now that it is over with and time yawns. So just to say we are all thinking of you. One day at a time. If it feels too much come and talk to us.

AnonymousBleep · 22/07/2025 11:21

Sending loads of love xxx

Goldbar31 · 22/07/2025 11:24

I am thinking of you and sending you much love. Very sorry for your loss - it is so unfair.

FloofyKat · 22/07/2025 12:18

I’m so very sorry to read your update. I can only imagine how bereft and sad you must feel. I’m glad you have lovely family around you - be sure to lean on them and let them help you. They will be grieving too, but will want to support you in any way they can,
Sending you big, gentle hugs x

Ummmmmerrrrr · 22/07/2025 12:43

@MoreThanOverwhelmed im so sorry for your loss, I’m a few months ahead of you and it’s not great but it’s slightly easier (and sometimes not). Sending you big hugs.

lifeonmars100 · 22/07/2025 13:28

So very sorry for your loss , all that you have been through and all that you are going through. Love X

QuickPeachPoet · 22/07/2025 15:09

Accept all the help on offer OP. This is a shit time and just surviving each day is enough right now, If your parents offer to take your kids - let them. If people offer to do things for you - let them. You just take care of you and do what you need to do.
In time, counselling may help but right now you are probably way too raw and hurting too deeply.
All my love and prayers.

doularobinlmt · 23/07/2025 01:23

Oh gosh, I am so sorry. That is a big and horrible burden to carry on your shoulders and in your heart. I will pray for all of you day and night.

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 24/07/2025 10:37

First day of school holidays here & it's really hitting me in the face that he's not here to help rescue me from the chaos. 😢

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 24/07/2025 11:00

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 24/07/2025 10:37

First day of school holidays here & it's really hitting me in the face that he's not here to help rescue me from the chaos. 😢

Sending hugs 😔😔😔

Notquitegrownup2 · 24/07/2025 14:56

Oh bless you. It's very very early days for you all. You are still reeling and yet having to cope with the summer holidays, which can be challenging - though fun too - at the best of times.

If it's not patronising, can I suggest that a simple routine (written down) is your friend? You don't have to stick to it, but it's there for when your head is pounding, or when you need some inspiration. The kids could even help to draw it up.

So buy bags of popcorn/popping corn and get a list of films you can watch this week. At least one a day. Next week, draw up a list for the following week.

Have a simple list of activities to do once a day: swimming, baking, picnics, etc

If you've got a local library, they often do holiday reading challenges, so add in some reading time each day, with sticker rewards if needed for them. And get some books/chocolates for yourself, so that when they read, you get to curl up with a good book too.

Meals- make a list together of favourite meals that the kids can help prepare: fajitas, meat or veg kebabs, home made burgers - all your favourites. . .

Duolingo. Can you all start learning a new language, and challenge yourselves . . .

B
And if that is patronising, ignore me and do what's right for yourselves! There's no right or wrong answers at a time like this.

Best of luck. . .

Letsgoforaskip · 25/07/2025 09:17

This is so raw and so overwhelming for you. In my experience, at first every day is a bad day, then you gradually realise you have had some good moments, then hours and days. Over time there will be more good days than bad and it won’t feel like wading through treacle.
I am so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever works for you and take it a moment at a time. ❤️

Lilactimes · 26/07/2025 09:42

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 24/07/2025 10:37

First day of school holidays here & it's really hitting me in the face that he's not here to help rescue me from the chaos. 😢

I’m so so sorry for your loss and what you’re going through @MoreThanOverwhelmed ..
it’s heart breaking.
Lean on everyone who’s offered support and just get through each day in small steps… if that means you all lying on the sofa watching tv eating crisps all day then this is ok.
sending hugs and love xx

alphabetQ · 26/07/2025 14:18

God, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I am in a similar situation with 5yo twins, but a few months further on (DP died 20 December). It’s fucking shit, it really is—no two ways about it. I just wanted to say that you aren’t alone and that despite the crushing grief, you will carry on living and you will find that you are stronger and more capable than you thought. Your “animal self” will take over when you feel like you can’t go on, and you will get done what needs to be done. It doesn’t take away the awful fact that you have to live through it, and see your kids live through it, and that you’ve seen what you’ve seen, been through what you have etc, but it’s true. I don’t know what I’m trying to say really—just I see you, I’m there too, and so are so many others.

I’m sure others have mentioned this/you’ll already know (haven’t RTFT) but when you’re ready, you might find it helpful to get in touch with an organisation like Widowed and Young, and maybe in a couple of months to see if you can get a few sessions of grief counselling from MacMillan or the psychological support service at the hospital where your husband died (they often have one attached to oncology for this exact reason). I found this was really useful as an outlet to just tell the story and lay it all out, have a stream of consciousness about it without worrying about upsetting anyone.

Finally, don’t hide from the grief—just feel it. If you don’t, it will come out later and worse. People around you will be giving you a pass to be devastated right now, so use it and give yourself leave to be a mess—send the kids for a day out with their grandparents/whoever and just let it hit you. It is hellish, let it be hellish.

I’m so sorry. Really, I am. 💔

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 29/07/2025 17:18

Having a REALLY low afternoon. I have taken myself up to bed & I just can't stop crying. I took the children to McDonald's for a late lunch earlier this afternoon & they are currently content with some time with the switch /tablets.
Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post, but it's a welcome distraction from the tears.

OP posts:
Trallers · 29/07/2025 17:36

Those really.low days are going to happen and they're going to suck. I'm so sorry. The only good thing is that you're going through genuine tough emotions in real time, which is the best way to process them (as opposed to stuffing them down and always putting a smiling face on for instance), but that's of little comfort when things feel horrendous.

Have that huge cry. Is there something gentle and undemanding you can.do after, such as watching reruns of a fav TV show and baking some easy comfort food (cornflake cakes for instance).

Sending some love your way.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/07/2025 18:24

So sorry for your loss.. and that the start of the school hols is difficult. Thinking of you and your DC. Glad to hear that you have family on hand Flowers

Laura95167 · 29/07/2025 18:28

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 29/07/2025 17:18

Having a REALLY low afternoon. I have taken myself up to bed & I just can't stop crying. I took the children to McDonald's for a late lunch earlier this afternoon & they are currently content with some time with the switch /tablets.
Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post, but it's a welcome distraction from the tears.

You're hoping to not feel alone. You arent. You've your wonderful children, kind family. And everyone on here who heard your story is routing for your wellbeing.

This is horrible, it feels like it will always be horrible. But it wont. You will be ok, and its alright if its not today

Daleksatemyshed · 29/07/2025 18:29

It's still such early days @MoreThanOverwhelmed be kind to yourself, if you need to cry then do it. I hope you have kind people looking after you

Slackbladder22 · 29/07/2025 18:44

MoreThanOverwhelmed · 29/07/2025 17:18

Having a REALLY low afternoon. I have taken myself up to bed & I just can't stop crying. I took the children to McDonald's for a late lunch earlier this afternoon & they are currently content with some time with the switch /tablets.
Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by this post, but it's a welcome distraction from the tears.

So sorry for your loss. My wife died five years ago last week leaving me with our three year old daughter.

It feel so tough right now but sounds like you have lots of support.

Five years on things are much better, I’m in a good place, our daughter is thriving, I can hear her right now laughing with her cousins.

All I would say is prioritise yourself where you can, give yourself a break, ask for help if you need it and don’t turn down opportunities to get out and about to take your mind off things.

life goes on and there is still lots of joy to be found. xx

Horses7 · 29/07/2025 19:43

Thinking of you - look after yourself and your precious children.