I got married yesterday and I can't stop crying.

[MoreThanOverwhelmed]

DH has cancer. (Diagnosed Jan 2024)
We were supposed to get married - at simple 2+2 ceremony at the end of the month but his Dr's etc encouraged us to bring the date forwards, so we got married yesterday in the hospital where my DH is being cared for.
I'm a week post major abdominal surgery.
We have 2 primary aged DC
It's our youngest DCs birthday this month.

I don't know what I want from this post but I can't stop crying.
I don't think that I know how break it to the DC that Daddy isn't going to get better and come home.
My head is swimming & I don't know what to do.

I know you probably don’t feel it but sincerest congratulations on your wedding. You evidently found a partner to love and share life with, with all is joys (children) and challenges (health). Life’s moments matter, even if they aren’t felt in the way that we had dreamed.

This weekend please try and find moments of joy and peace together.

In the coming weeks, please seek help from family, friends and support services, including as PPs have said around how to tell young children but also for yourself.

In time I hope that you and your children both take comfort and pride that you made the best of an awful hand, and gave cancer the middle finger by still celebrating love.

It is an incredibly sad situation for you. My dad died when I was 6 years old and my brother 8. He also had cancer. My mother took us to see him 2 days before he died and told us the truth but obviously in a child friendly way. We were encouraged to show our feelings and not to hold anything in and she cried openly in front of us.
You must do what works for you. There is no right or wrong.

dear @MoreThanOverwhelmed
i am so so sorry for what you’re going through. I also witnessed this with a close friend of mine. The advice here is really good.

Life is so unfair.

People will want to help you - not just your family but also your friends. Lean on those around you.

sending you much love xxx

I'm so very sorry for what your going through. Our niece (lost her DM recently aged 5) through her school she got a lot of support from the local hospice, there are also charities like Winstons wish too.

Oh op, I am so sorry.

please contact the Ruth Strauss Foundation. They specialise in supporting families where a parent is terminally ill, and can help advise on how to talk to your children. They have supported my family massively.

sending a big hug to you and your family x

This is so terribly sad for all of you. I am so pleased you have a wonderful supportive family. It sounds like those charities posters have recommended will be useful in supporting you and your children. Warm sincere thoughts to you and your lovely new husband.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Winston wish are absolutely amazing. They were a great source of support for my friend and her daughter.

I could not scroll by without sending you a hand-hold and a hug, I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. Do you have family who you can reach out to? Alternately, speak to the hospital chaplains, they aren’t just there for specific religious support. 💐

The children will take this better than you tbh, my friends children lost their mother. They are fine, friends uni powering through life.

Such a bittersweet moment OP. You clearly love each other, cherish your times together.
Whatever happens, you are going to be OK: you are reaching out for support when you need it, keep doing it; yes, other people have busy lives but it’s really important you all get lots of support.

I have no advice OP I just wish I could give you a hug. So sorry about what is happening.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this—there’s no roadmap for something this painful. You’ve just had surgery, cared for your children, and married the man you love in the middle of heartbreak. That’s extraordinary strength, even if you feel like you’re falling apart.
Telling your children will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do—but you don’t have to do it alone. Ask the hospital if they can connect you with a family support worker or a specialist nurse—many palliative care teams have people trained to help children process what’s happening in age-appropriate ways.
You don’t need to have the perfect words. You just need to be honest, gentle, and there. And right now, you only need to take one hour at a time. There is no “right” way to do this—just your way, moment by moment.
Please be kind to yourself. You are already doing the impossible.

Sending so many hugs. Congratulations on your wedding. Good luck for your recovery too. You sound v strong but you are of course allowed to cry like this at such a difficult time. I am sorry xx

I’m so sorry

As everyone is saying, lean on friends and on the rest of us here for support - we will prop you up when you don't think you can stand or take another step forward. Lean on the specialist support of Winston's Wish or Ruth Strauss Foundation or your children's school or your church. Make a list of things for friends who say "what can we do to help" include things like 'take my kids for their dinner / help my kids make a card for Daddy / record my husband leaving a message for us for Christmas Day / do a week's grocery shopping for us / load my freezer with nutritious meals I just need to heat up'. Accept help. Spend your time where it matters now (family) and not on the everyday chores (shopping and cleaning etc).
And allow yourself the tears. You are dealing with A Lot of Stuff. Tears are important pressure relief.

Keep on keeping on.

I think weeping is well and truly justified in your heartbreaking situation.Life is so cruel and unfair at times.I don’t have any advice I’m just so sad to hear this.

I’m sorry. I’m sending you all of my love today. X

I'm so sorry to read this. Please check out Winstons Wish, a child bereavement charity who have guides around explaining death to children.
https://winstonswish.org/

Our local cancer charity offers counselling to children as well in this position so maybe see what your local cancer charities offer.

Handhold and a hug from me.

You will need time to recover from your surgery - not just physically but also emotionally, so don't forget that.

Try and get all the support you can and take every hour, every day at a time.

What you are going through is an unimaginably tough time.

I am so sorry. It is hard.

I was the child losing her dad in very similar circumstances. With this perspective, I would say the important thing is to look after your own mental health and wellbeing. Do not feel guilty about making this a priority. After losing Dad, it was our biggest worry that Mum might not be ok. Do avail yourself of help from charities such as Winston’s wish to support them.

I am sure you don’t need me to tell you that hard though it is, do get your paperwork in order if you possibly can. Perhaps there is a trusted friend or family member who can help you.

Sending you, your DH and your family a big hug.

Please contact the Ruth Strauss Foundation. It’s a charity. They support families where a parent has an incurable diagnosis. They have family support, peer groups and all sorts of other free resources to help you all handle anticipatory grief, bereavement and grief. Big hugs x

So sorry

I am sorry that you find yourself in such a hard place. It made me think of what Joe Biden said a few weeks ago, we are strongest in the broken places.

Sorry to mention practicalities, but I mention them so you can get things sorted out to concentrate on spending time with your DH and children. Make sure he has a valid will. If he has single bank accounts, think about making changes now so you can access money after he dies. If you don’t claim child benefit, put a claim in now, even if you have to pay money back, because you will receive more Bereavement Support Payment. Make sure you know all his passwords for accounts and test them now to make sure they are right. If you are aged 50 or younger, have a look at Widowed and Young for advice and support, they also have a book for relatives and friends.

Dear OP,
I am truly sorry to hear about your very painful, heartbreaking situation 😢 💔
I always tell my children: we will all meet again. In Heaven. It is comforting 💐
Be strong. I'll have you in my prayers 🙏🏼

Am so so sorry. At this moment, what can you do but cry. Sending an un-mumsnetty hug ❤️