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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kept my son off school as school hasn’t done as asked

223 replies

Pashpash24 · 06/06/2025 09:36

My 8-year-old had a fall at school Tuesday this week. I got a call, as I usually do when he’s had a trip or bump — which I appreciate — but I don’t think they explained how bad it actually was. When I collected him at home time, he had a big lump on his head, bruising, a cut, and later that evening he started to develop a bit of a black eye. I honestly think I should have been called in to collect him and take him to the doctor — it clearly wasn’t just a minor knock.

Anyway, I kept him off the next day to rest and see the doctor who said he could go back to school but he is not to take part in activities. So yesterday, when I dropped him off, I went into reception and made it really clear: I didn’t want him outside at break and I definitely didn’t want him taking part in PE. They agreed and I left.

As I was driving away, I got a phone call from school saying his teacher has asked if it would be okay for him to go outside , as they like the children to get some fresh air. I was a bit torn, because I know if he’s out there and sees the others playing, he’ll want to join in — so I made it absolutely clear: if he goes outside, he must be sat in a quiet corner reading. No playing. They said yes, that was fine, and that they’d make sure he sat quietly with a book.

Well, he came home yesterday and told me he played football all break and lunch and did the full PE lesson.

So I’ve kept him off today. Not because I don’t want him at school — but because I feel like I can’t trust that what I’ve asked for is actually being followed. He’s had multiple knocks to the same side of his head recently (one with a hockey stick, another on playground equipment), and I was just trying to be cautious while he heals to avoid making it worse.

AIBU to keep him off today because of all this?

OP posts:
SabrinaSt · 06/06/2025 09:38

You’re not unreasonable at all, my son had a similar sounding bump to the head at school and we were specifically told by the doctor to do everything possible to avoid him bumping his head again for at least 2 weeks.

I would keep him off today and ask to speak to someone senior at the school.

Clairey1986 · 06/06/2025 09:39

Yanbu that they accepted your instructions but then didn’t follow them.

But if you genuinely feel he’s not well enough to run around at break he shouldn’t be at school.

Personally I think you’re OTT and should take how he was after a full day of being active as a good thing that he’s fine.

Kreepture · 06/06/2025 09:39

of course you are, he is fine, yesterday would have just been precautionary within the 24hrs of the knock, i assume today he is fine and you're just forcing him to miss school over nothing

Allybob88 · 06/06/2025 09:40

YABU. If he doesn't have any signs of concussion he's fine.

The school can't restrain him in a chair, they can ask him not to play football but then cant physically force him back into a chair.

Coffeeishot · 06/06/2025 09:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

jeaux90 · 06/06/2025 09:41

YABU stop being silly.

sheknowsitstoolate · 06/06/2025 09:44

He shouldn’t be in school if he’s not well enough to do normal things.

RafaistheKingofClay · 06/06/2025 09:44

Perfectly reasonable as you are following medical advice. There is a good reason for that advice after a head injury. If that advice can’t be followed at school then he shouldn’t be there.

It is worth raising with the school, I’d want to know exactly how that happened when they said they would ensure it didn’t. It should be possible for them to be able to keep him off activities which is why they would have said it’s fine.

ButterBites · 06/06/2025 09:44

If he doesn’t have a concussion, why does he need to take it easy?

Also, it’s a bit unfair to say he can go outside but has to sit in a corner watching his friends play.

Appreciate you want him to fully recover and for the school to work with you, but I’m just wondering what recovery he actually needs.

babystarsandmoon · 06/06/2025 09:45

You are being ridiculous and treating your child like a snowflake. Build some bounce back resilience in them.

RafaistheKingofClay · 06/06/2025 09:46

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

She did take him to see the doctor. That’s who told her to keep him off activities.

Darragon · 06/06/2025 09:47

OP YANBU to expect them to ensure he sits quietly, they're clearly not taking it seriously. When DS had the last of a similar collection of school-caused head injuries last year, on doctor's advice they kept him in at break and kept him off PE no bother. It's what a responsible, normal school would do.

Barnbrack · 06/06/2025 09:47

I think you've acted slightly nuts, if he had a concussion you're also advised not to spend too much time doing concentrated close work. So either it's a concussion and you stay home and let him rest and sleep with paracetamol and downtime or it isn't and he's allowed to proceed as normal. How old is he?

RafaistheKingofClay · 06/06/2025 09:48

He’s 8

Coffeeishot · 06/06/2025 09:49

Ah so sorry she did, I do think she should have asked the school to keep him in or off .

MmeChoufleur · 06/06/2025 09:51

It’s madness how many people are telling OP that she should let him carry on as normal AFTER a doctor has told her not to let him do activities.

BusMumsHoliday · 06/06/2025 09:53

YANBU. My brother had a head injury when he was about the same age (stiches, so a bit more severe than your DS, but not loads) and the medical advice was not to do PE for two weeks because of the risk of another knock.

I'd want to speak to the teacher and also the headteacher. And put any medical communications in writing from now on.

pizzaHeart · 06/06/2025 09:53

Some people clearly have selective reading skills.
In some situations children can be ok to sit and read but not ok to join PE lessons because of the risk of injury. OP got medical advice from a qualified professional and school had to follow this advice.
I would keep him off school today and send an email to school. Ime they work better when it’s formal. I would be polite as there is a chance it was a genuine mistake but I would question them any way.

Pashpash24 · 06/06/2025 09:57

The thing is, he isn’t poorly. He’s had a bad bang to the head. I understand you’re saying he must be fine if he’s running around which I completely get, but I just don’t want him banging himself again as it’s gonna end up serious. I’ve tried to do the best I can. I took him into school yesterday so it’s not a case of I’m just trying to stay off school otherwise I wouldn’t have taken him yesterday would I? I don’t expect school to babysit him hence why I said can he sit inside? They’re the ones that said they’ll keep an eye on him outside and they haven’t done that. I’ve sent an email and the teacher has emailed back saying he doesn’t know how it’s happened that he was allowed to take part in everything. So they understand why I am annoyed. I don’t want him off school either, but if something happens again I’m the bad mum for sending him back in. Can’t really win.

OP posts:
outdooryone · 06/06/2025 09:57

YABU
If he has a serious enough head injury (concussion), then he should not be at school.
If he is well enough, why would you keep him inside? He will not happy, will miss play and socialising, will not be rested for the next lesson, etc etc. And PE, why on earth can he not join in? What real benefit does keeping a child 'locked down' help with any recovery?

To me you are over cautious and asking the school to deal with something they should not have to.

Stompythedinosaur · 06/06/2025 09:57

You can't send a young kid to school and expect teachers to police him not playing. It's unrealistic.

LimitedBrightSpots · 06/06/2025 09:57

You've been given medical advice to limit his activities. A doctor gave that advice. School are not following it. You're not unreasonable in the slightest.

I have no idea why people are saying YABU. Why do we bother seeking medical attention when our children are unwell or injured if it's ok just to ignore the doctor's instructions?

RafaistheKingofClay · 06/06/2025 09:58

I think the issue is that she asked the school to keep him in and off PE as per the doctors advice and the school said yes. Then they decided to ask if he could go outside and agreed that if he did he would be doing something quiet. Then abandoned that completely and let him run about and do PE.

It’s not a particularly unusual request for schools and most manage it. There’s no reason that a child who is otherwise well enough to learn shouldn’t be in school with some adjustments rather than being kept off entirely. Otherwise all the kids with broken wrists/arms would be off for weeks.

rainbowstardrops · 06/06/2025 09:59

He’s 8. Why did he play football and joined in with the PE lesson? Why didn’t he remind the teacher that he wasn’t allowed to join in?
I can understand you being cross with the school but it was your son’s responsibility too.
Oh and as someone who has worked in schools, it’s not always easy to just ask the school to keep him in at playtime. Support staff are often in the playground supervising and teachers need to get resources ready/go to the loo/make a quick hot drink and wouldn’t be allowed to leave him unattended.

MolluscMonday · 06/06/2025 10:00

I actually don’t think you’re being unreasonable, and I’m not one for mollycoddlying kids. It sounds like a significant blow to the head to have caused that. I’d have probably just kept him off till Monday full stop tbh but yes, the school were pretty crap to go against medical advice like that.