Kept my son off school as school hasn’t done as asked

[Pashpash24]

My 8-year-old had a fall at school Tuesday this week. I got a call, as I usually do when he’s had a trip or bump — which I appreciate — but I don’t think they explained how bad it actually was. When I collected him at home time, he had a big lump on his head, bruising, a cut, and later that evening he started to develop a bit of a black eye. I honestly think I should have been called in to collect him and take him to the doctor — it clearly wasn’t just a minor knock.

Anyway, I kept him off the next day to rest and see the doctor who said he could go back to school but he is not to take part in activities. So yesterday, when I dropped him off, I went into reception and made it really clear: I didn’t want him outside at break and I definitely didn’t want him taking part in PE. They agreed and I left.

As I was driving away, I got a phone call from school saying his teacher has asked if it would be okay for him to go outside , as they like the children to get some fresh air. I was a bit torn, because I know if he’s out there and sees the others playing, he’ll want to join in — so I made it absolutely clear: if he goes outside, he must be sat in a quiet corner reading. No playing. They said yes, that was fine, and that they’d make sure he sat quietly with a book.

Well, he came home yesterday and told me he played football all break and lunch and did the full PE lesson.

So I’ve kept him off today. Not because I don’t want him at school — but because I feel like I can’t trust that what I’ve asked for is actually being followed. He’s had multiple knocks to the same side of his head recently (one with a hockey stick, another on playground equipment), and I was just trying to be cautious while he heals to avoid making it worse.

AIBU to keep him off today because of all this?

When are you going to send him back then?

If he bumps his head again on Monday, is that going to be different to him bumping his head again today?

Also, isn't 8 years kind of old enough to do what you're told when your mum tells you you're not allowed to run around at playtime?

I don’t think YABU at all. He potentially could have had concussion and NHS advice is pretty clear to refrain from physical exertion.

A young boy local to me recently passed away, it’s believed it was from a bleed on the brain caused by a concussion from a fall and bump on the head and then doing physical activity in the days afterwards.

Sorry, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned I asked School if he could sit inside the classroom and read my son loves reading it and he wanted to do that. We spoke about this before I dropped him off. It was School that called me back and said can he go outside and I was told because I was the one who said I don’t really want him outside as it’s a bit unfair that he’ll watch everyone playing. And they were the ones who said no we will put him in a quiet corner where he can read so this has fallen on them. They’re the ones who said to me that they would watch him and make sure that he read outside. I was happy for him to stay in at playtime just as my son was. Believe me I am not a snowflake my son attends football four times a week he plays in -2°. He’s anything but soft. But head injuries are not something I take lightly. The doctor said my son wasn’t concussed. But he did ask that he sit out activities. I don’t understand what people aren’t getting. All I’ve done is follow the Doctors orders which were to ask School to keep him in at break time and not take part in physical activities so to not get hurt again.

You did mention it OP but this is AIBU and a significant number of posters won’t have read the OP properly.

Yes, get you for being "silly" and following medical advice! The school and @jeaux90 obviously know MUCH better than a silly old doctor

YANBU.

You need to prevent another injury. The Thursday attempt with keeping him preventively safe while being at school didn't work.
Today is Friday, so keeping him off today makes it 3 days before coming back to school, that's worth it

I can imagine that at break time his teacher wasn’t on duty but told him he must sit in the corner and not play, but he chose to ignore this. Most kids would!

Yes I’d be cross. I’ve had similar situations and kids are kids- the teachers have to enforce it as their natural instinct is to play and not be careful (I say this as someone who has needed to have a moan at one of my children who’d gone on a trampoline with a broken arm in a cast).

They have an area in our school where the injured kids go at break time (there always seems to be someone in a cast!) and can be under slightly closer supervision/be outside but doing something quiet and calm.

I think you were unreasonable to keep him off school, but you should have contacted the school as they hadn't followed instructions the previous day - this is negligence.

You sound like you are being a bit precious. Presumably you told him that he couldn’t run around and play sport. If he doesn’t listen to you, why do you expect him to listen to his teachers?

He’s 8. Why did he take part if he was told not to? I’d be annoyed at my own child for not following instructions.
Also if it was such a bad knock he must not have ANY outside time the next day I would have just kept him home for the day.

That’s exactly what happened. My son‘s teacher is actually the assistant headteacher. It’s not been relayed to the playtime staff that he was meant to sit in a quiet area. I’ve asked my son and he said at playtime we just all went straight outside. Nobody pulled me to the side or anything. I said you knew that you weren’t meant to play he said I forgot I just went outside obviously that’s what he does every day. Not just that my son is an absolute football fanatic so if someone is playing football in front of him, he’s going to play. He’s eight years old. As I said, he plays four times a week after school. I feel like on this post I can’t do right for wrong 😑

So he knew what he was supposed to do. The teacher told him what he was supposed to do. Teacher probably felt that at 8 he could follow that instruction and not need to be pulled aside.

Because he's eight and does what the teacher says/goes with the crowd/forgot. I wouldn't have questioned a teacher at that age - I might have said "My mum said I have to..." then probably would have been shouted at and would certainly not have questioned it further. I hated being told off at school.

Your son sadly can’t stay in a classroom alone during break and all the other staff would be outside so that’s why they have asked if he can sit outside. However, at 8, they probably expected him to sit and follow yours and the doctors instructions of sitting quietly and reading. The playtime staff may not have known which is wrong, but your son wanted to join in.

I wouldn’t have kept your son off today, I would have gone in and explained that your son was to sit at the office at break and lunch instead.

Maybe try reading the OP more carefully next time instead of blaming her? It just makes you look stupid. 🤷🏻‍♀️

To be fair to the school you are asking for him to be supervised, because any child asked to sit outside quietly with a book while his friends are tearing around having fun is going to want to join in. School may not have the resources/staff to supervise him or ensure he doesn't run about but that should have been communicated to you so you can then make the decision.

exactly

Write a letter of complaint and expect an apology.

You are reasonable to keep him home and to ask for work to be sent home for him to complete for a week so that he does not miss out on learning.

If its that bad its YOUR responsibility to keep him monitored. Its not for the school to be keeping an eye on him to that degree. Its putting them in a really difficult position knowingly. They have 29 other kids to look after. They aren't nurses.

If he had gone in and collapsed just from sitting in a corner would you have blamed the school, because you didn't want to be the one to keep an eye on him?

If hes too unwell to take part in everyday activities he should be in school because the risk is too high that one of the other kids might do something accidentally or in a friendly way that might put him a risk. Never mind all these activities.

if he had concussion you’d know about it.

It depends. Are you keeping him off for safety reasons - because he should still be resting and you are worried he won’t? If so , YANBU . The school ignored your instructions as a mother , acting on doctors advice

However, if he’s ok and now able to take part in activities etc then YABU because you’re keeping your son away from school for no reason other than anger .

I think in life there are controllables, this isn't one of them.

If you really want to control it, perhaps consider sending him to school in a cycle helmet.

@Pashpash24

Completely understand your caution with such a serious head injury.

School should definitely have called you to come & collect him & get him checked over when it happened - these things develop as the day goes on, but if it was that bad when you picked him up, they would have realised sooner that it was not just a typical, minor bump.

Then, they've not followed through on a simple request to keep him to 1 side & monitor him at break/lunch playtime, after going to the effort of calling you to arrange it - normally, that's a pretty tricky thing to do, with children to staff ratios during such times, but they were the ones who said it would be possible, as opposed to the much easier option of sitting him inside somewhere with a book, where adults would be able to keep an eye !

Then, why on earth they allowed him to do the PE lesson is baffling - it's such an easy thing to control- the adults are right there- he could have been some sort of 'helper' or sat nearby with his book or been sent to another adult/classroom for the duration of the lesson.

I don't buy his teacher's response that they don't understand how he was allowed to do it all - why don't they? They're his teacher! They would have been fully aware, surely - especially during the PE lesson - they would have been teaching it!! And as a Deputy Head, they should also be mindful of the safeguarding issue surrounding the entire situation.

BUT, having said all this, your son is 8yrs old & knew full well that he wasn't supposed to run around, play football or take part in PE but he chose to do it anyway & didn't speak up to his teachers at any point! It shouldn't be down to him, but at the same time, he's old enough to say something.

That’s ludicrous. Lots of kids have injuries and have to avoid PE or running around - schools have lots of ways to police this usually. It is school failure not OP’s