Kept my son off school as school hasn’t done as asked

[Pashpash24]

My 8-year-old had a fall at school Tuesday this week. I got a call, as I usually do when he’s had a trip or bump — which I appreciate — but I don’t think they explained how bad it actually was. When I collected him at home time, he had a big lump on his head, bruising, a cut, and later that evening he started to develop a bit of a black eye. I honestly think I should have been called in to collect him and take him to the doctor — it clearly wasn’t just a minor knock.

Anyway, I kept him off the next day to rest and see the doctor who said he could go back to school but he is not to take part in activities. So yesterday, when I dropped him off, I went into reception and made it really clear: I didn’t want him outside at break and I definitely didn’t want him taking part in PE. They agreed and I left.

As I was driving away, I got a phone call from school saying his teacher has asked if it would be okay for him to go outside , as they like the children to get some fresh air. I was a bit torn, because I know if he’s out there and sees the others playing, he’ll want to join in — so I made it absolutely clear: if he goes outside, he must be sat in a quiet corner reading. No playing. They said yes, that was fine, and that they’d make sure he sat quietly with a book.

Well, he came home yesterday and told me he played football all break and lunch and did the full PE lesson.

So I’ve kept him off today. Not because I don’t want him at school — but because I feel like I can’t trust that what I’ve asked for is actually being followed. He’s had multiple knocks to the same side of his head recently (one with a hockey stick, another on playground equipment), and I was just trying to be cautious while he heals to avoid making it worse.

AIBU to keep him off today because of all this?

This kind of thing works fine so long as the child is cooperating. Schools are busy places and 8 year olds are not stupid and they know how schools work. If a child wants to play football or take part in PE they know exactly how to stay under the radar and get what they want. My daughter’s best friend used to get round not being allowed dairy by swapping puddings with DD after they had been handed out. She did this for her entire primary schooling. Parents underestimate their children.

OP has clearly said she has taken him to the doctor, who has said he can return to school providing he doesn’t take part in activities. I can’t believe the number of posters who are calling OP unreasonable for taking the doctors’ advice and being angry at the school for not heeding it.

Unfortunately school don't have the staff to monitor your kid one to one at playtime. Unfortunately if you feel he isn't fit enough keep him home

I think my son‘s got confused because when I dropped him off, we were stood in the reception and they all said that they keep him inside. I got the phone call after I left saying that he was going to go outside but read. Obviously, my son has been taken outside into the playground without a book so he’s probably just thought or I’m okay to play out now. He’s an eight-year-old child give him a break. It’s not his fault if his school told me when I dropped him off that he was okay to stay inside then that’s what I’ve been told will happen. Why are you so argumentative with me? The school said it was okay for him to stay in receptionist or not. If someone tells me at school that it’s okay for him to stay inside then I’ll believe them. I’m not then going to question the receptionist and say well do you just want to go and confirm that with a teacher? It’s a school, children have been kept in at playtime for years because of injuries. I didn’t go to school and expect all of this I asked them. And like I said 1 million times if they’d have said no, I’d have taken him home with some schoo work. They’re the ones that said he could stay inside.??? Can you not understand that I am annoyed because I’ve left my child with them and they agreed that 1) he wouldn’t do PE and 2) he wouldn’t be in the playground.

When they called me after I left they said he’d be in the reading corner which is completely separate to the playground although it is outside. My son has been taken out with the whole of the class with no book so he probably thought it was okay. Again, it’s not down to him. It was down to the adult. I’ve since had an apology email from his school. Because they didn’t do what they said they would.

This. I’d follow the doctor’s advice over MN opinions! I was a teacher for 30 years and always tried to accommodate these requests because I was not the medical expert.

so why agree to it then when I dropped him off? I didn’t take him to school and presume they’d do this. I asked them and they said they would keep him in. So am I not in my right to be upset that they didn’t after they said they would. They didn’t sit my son down with a book and then he ran off playing they just took him outside as normal into the normal playground.

Agree. If OP had posted to say that the GP had given this advice and she’d ignored it, she’d be handed her arse !!

I sound like a broken record the amount of times I’ve had to repeat myself because people jump on a post without reading everything.

It’s about par for the course these days OP. Why read the actual facts when you can make it up as you go along, to suit your own narrative. There are a couple of current threads which have been completely derailed by people not reading before posting - resulting in pages of corrections and argument. It’s nuts !!

Then why did they agree to do it ?

This

It’s hard to get sensible advice when there is such a rush to be nasty. Can’t even bother to read a post carefully before piling on with rude remarks and nonsense opinions.

Which of the many available staff members hanging around with nothing to do in primary schools did you expect to stand guard over your child and force him to sit quietly in a corner reading, whilst his friends played football?

Your child clearly felt well enough to join in the activities. He ignored your instructions and the doctor's instructions on the matter. If you felt strongly that him playing football was a risk to his health, and you presumably know you son well enough to know he was going to do it anyway, you should have kept him off to begin with.

Gah OP this thread is so frustrating, I don’t understand what people don’t get about this situation. You were given advice by a doctor, the school should either follow it or make it clear that they don’t have the resources to follow it so that you can make other arrangements for his care. What they shouldn’t do is say that they will follow it and then ignore it. It’s not wrapping a child up in cotton wool to follow a doctor’s advice!

The only thing I think you could have done differently is that I think it would have been helpful for you to call the school after receiving the doctor’s advice and explained it to your child’s teacher/the head. That would have given them time to plan for how to accommodate your child’s injury and would also have impressed upon them that this is serious and not ‘Bob needs to take it easy for a few days.’ But regardless, once they became aware of the doctor’s guidance, they should have either followed it or let you know that it couldn’t be managed.

But if you genuinely feel he’s not well enough to run around at break he shouldn’t be at school.

This is stupid. A child can we well enough to learn in the class room but not be able to run around at break?! My daughter had a minor surgery with a requirement that she not do PE for 2 weeks afterwards, she was absolutely fine in herself but the physical activity in PE could have interfered with healing. The school were brilliant and accomodated it.

Honest to God 🙈 either they don’t read the post, tell me me something from “back in my day” or Dr Mumsnet gives me their diagnosis

Yes, I should’ve definitely let the school know. I didn’t get my doctors appointment till 2 pm and then I had a photographer coming round straight after to take photos of my house my head’s a bit all over at the minute. Regardless if they didn’t feel like they could’ve accommodated, they could’ve told me first thing in the morning.

Honestly @Pashpash24 it’s painful reading this - I think people just decide from the off they want to call you A snowflake or that you’re wrapping your child up in bubble wrap / being a helicopter parent etc and then willfully ignore everything you’ve said in the thread. It’s common for people to not read the full thread either hence the multiple “why didn’t you take him to the drs”. “If he’s got concussion he shouldn’t be at school”.

it’s pretty simple really - you’ve requested a specific set of rules for a nuanced individual circumstance for your child based on a request from the dr which the school agreed to. Like you’ve said if the school couldn’t accomodate this you would have understood and kept him at home. The school have completely dropped the ball and cocked up here. Your child may have been confused and yes he is a child but at 8 should also take some responsibility here especially for the full lesson of PE - unless there is any background of cognitive issues/ SEN

You’re within your rights and not unreasonable to keep him off school because of this today however this will still be an issue until 2 weeks from the injury and doesn’t solve the issue. You say an email has been sent so I suggest ensuring there is a written plan for the next week and a half going forward would be useful and drumming it into your son every day that he is not to play outside at all! It may also be worthwhile checking if the school have resources to keep him inside reading a book during playtime - I suspect the reason you had the initial phone call offering him fresh air was because they didn’t have someone to supervise him during lunch/playtimes. I’m sure this next week will be better.

Also for all the “if he’s not well enough to be outside at lunch he’s not well enough to be in school comments - I’ve never seen that in any school policy / document. What about kids on crutches that can’t run around outdoors - should they miss out on education? One of my good friends had leukaemia aged 15 and after her chemo was back in lessons once drs had signed her off. I don’t understand why people can’t seem to understand an individualised approach

I 100% agree with you.

You told school that he shouldn't participate in PE. And yet they let him participate. That is on them.

You told school that he should sit quietly during break and suggested he stay inside and read. School wanted him to go outside instead. Which is why they should have ensured that he actually sat quietly and did not play football. That is also on them.

My friend has found out that her 10 year old boy and others have been made prefects unofficial . This means every break he's watching the little ones along with others on the rota. She's furious.

YANBU we understand so much more about head injuries these days and they are not to be taken lightly. It sounds like the school need to be educated themselves.

I’m amazed at the number of posters in this thread who think they know better than the doctor about the risks of repeated knocks to the head. There are return to play guidelines for exactly these kind of situations but they’ve been slow to trickle down to coaches and PE teachers. @Pashpash24 I’ve no idea why people are being so unpleasant about this but you did exactly the right thing.

Fwiw I'm a teacher and we quite often get requests for kids to sit out P.E. etc. YANBU to expect the school to follow medical orders for something like that.

YABU to not put a single shred of blame on your son. He's 8, that's definitely old enough to understand that he shouldn't be running around at playtime.

So in your position I would maybe write a letter of complaint to the school but I'd also be giving my son a telling off.

No wrong. Kids can head the football just not at 8. That rule changes as they get older. Don’t speak for all kids and proport to know all the rules.

The FA has announced new heading guidance for age groups from under-6 to under-18 which includes no heading during training until under-12's, with a significantly amount of reduced heading for all age groups.

I said my son is 8 and he’s not allowed to head the ball. I didn’t say all kids anywhere did I?