Kept my son off school as school hasn’t done as asked

[Pashpash24]

My 8-year-old had a fall at school Tuesday this week. I got a call, as I usually do when he’s had a trip or bump — which I appreciate — but I don’t think they explained how bad it actually was. When I collected him at home time, he had a big lump on his head, bruising, a cut, and later that evening he started to develop a bit of a black eye. I honestly think I should have been called in to collect him and take him to the doctor — it clearly wasn’t just a minor knock.

Anyway, I kept him off the next day to rest and see the doctor who said he could go back to school but he is not to take part in activities. So yesterday, when I dropped him off, I went into reception and made it really clear: I didn’t want him outside at break and I definitely didn’t want him taking part in PE. They agreed and I left.

As I was driving away, I got a phone call from school saying his teacher has asked if it would be okay for him to go outside , as they like the children to get some fresh air. I was a bit torn, because I know if he’s out there and sees the others playing, he’ll want to join in — so I made it absolutely clear: if he goes outside, he must be sat in a quiet corner reading. No playing. They said yes, that was fine, and that they’d make sure he sat quietly with a book.

Well, he came home yesterday and told me he played football all break and lunch and did the full PE lesson.

So I’ve kept him off today. Not because I don’t want him at school — but because I feel like I can’t trust that what I’ve asked for is actually being followed. He’s had multiple knocks to the same side of his head recently (one with a hockey stick, another on playground equipment), and I was just trying to be cautious while he heals to avoid making it worse.

AIBU to keep him off today because of all this?

DSs school, which is a secondary, specifically advises that children are sent in if they are ill, and the school,will “rearrange things so they have a quieter day”. I completely disagree with this and tell them so every year, because a/ I don’t believe for a minute they will actually do this and b/ Like you I don’t think children should be in school if they are not well enough to do normal things. But the school thinks they should and tells us so in a presentation at the beginning of every year.

You show me one 8 year old boy who would sit in the corner of the playground reading while all his mates play football - if I saw one it would confirm to me that he DID have concussion as that is just NOT how 8 year old boys behave.

This thread is mad.

I work in a school. I do every lunch and break duty (The joy of the TA!). I have had MANY kids over the years who don't have funding or 121, but have special considerations for break times. Typically, I'd host and supervise an appropriate activity that's safe for them and others join in. Whether for temporary medical need, SEMH, or disability. This allows the support they need and duty to be covered. Just today I was doing this for an epileptic child who struggles with heat.

We have emails/reports about specific kids who need support/an eye without funding every few weeks. If we can't keep them safe, they can't be in, so we'll do what it takes to keep them safe. The OPs school completely failed here; I'm glad they apologised. They should have absolutely done better.

The school are ignoring the advice of a medical professional, who said he's not to take part in activities. You are absolutely not being unreasonable!

Doing the PE lesson - unreasonable on the part of the school. The class teacher should have known he wasn't supposed to

Running at break: not the school's fault or problem. The school don't have the resources to monitor 1 of how many hundreds of pupils during social time and it's not realistic to expect them to do so. This is on your son to know that he can't do something and he needs to take responsibility.

Do you seriously think the teachers hand the 10 year olds a whistle and let them supervise the playground while they head off inside for a cuppa?

These are student leadership positions which most good schools will do. They're there to give the postholders some leadership responsibility, not to save the teachers work. Whatever they do will be under the supervision of adults.

Because sometimes kids are well enough to be at school, but still have to take certain things easy.

I agree that children who are unwell shouldn’t be in school. But that’s different to a child with an injury or a chronic condition that means they need to avoid further injury. There’s no reason those children shouldn’t be in school as they are fit to learn.

It doesn’t sound like the OPs DS is concussed but it does sound like he took quite a knock to the head and we know more now about the short and longer term risks of receiving knocks like that in quick succession than we used to.

I highly doubt this would meet the criteria for an authorised absence for illness given the current focus on attendance, so the OP was right to send him in. The school should have been complying with the medical advice for him to be at school.

I mean there’s lots of faults here - OP changing her mind for a start just minutes after dropping her son off. You should have said no, stick to your plan. You’ve literally blurred the lines there for your son, and didn’t even tell him. Your son is old enough to take responsibility for himself OP - he’s 8, he knew he shouldn’t be playing football or doing PE.

Speaking from a school's perspective.

If he's not well enough to go outside at break time, or do a PE lesson, then he's not well enough to be at school.

Who'd you imagine is free to babysit him at break, lunch and PE anyway?

When I worked in primary there were always kids around who for various reasons couldn't go out to play or take part in PE. At playtime they would sit in a classroom with a teacher or TA and during PE they often just got given little, non active, jobs to do or sat and watched.

You don't mess around with head injuries and a doctor has advised not taking part in activities. YA absolutely NBU to expect school to adhere to that.

YABU just a bit. The school did call, checked in about fresh air, and probably assumed a quick kickabout wouldn’t end in A&E. Kids heal fast and bend the truth faster—he may well have said he did full PE when he really just joined in a bit.
Understandable to be cautious after a few knocks, but keeping him off because they didn’t enforce “sit quietly with a book” like a prison sentence might be a touch much. They’re not being careless—just balancing caution with reality (and probably a very persuasive 8-year-old).

This just isn’t true. My DD would have missed 6 months of year 3 if that were the case. She had a serious accident and wasn’t even allowed in the halls when other students were present because she was so fragile. In the classroom they had to make sure no one bumped her by making sure her desk was situated appropriately and she didn’t walk around the classroom. She obviously couldn’t go outside for recess or do PE. She was still perfectly capable of learning. I just walked her in to her classroom every morning before the other students and a staff member walked her out of the building at the end of the day.

medically complicated students have the right to an education.

Ds was in a reduced timetable for 6 weeks with post concussion syndrome and had to stay in at break times. It affected him really badly despite not feign a huge bump to the head. The child head injury trust were fantastic and gave me lots of resources to send to school. Only then did school take notice but even then he was still doing things he shouldn’t at times. Please have a look at that link I sent you and have a chat to the advisors. It really helped me and Ds. I hope your son is ok. Ignore the dicks on here x

I recognise a few regular contrarians saying YABU...

School should have said if they were unable to accomodate a child being kept off physical activities at break or in PE. There is likely to be other children in the school needing this accomodation, and it's certainly not unusual. DS has needed it for 3 seperate health issues in 12m.

If school can't ensure he's safe and meeting GP advice when they're in Loco Parentis then it's reasonable to keep him off following the injury.

If 8 year olds can be trusted to remember to follow medical advice and not follow the herd in their usual routines, supervision wouldn't be an issue in the first place.

Frankly if any sort of health issues arise, parents can't win. Keep them off and you get snarky letters about attendance. Send them in and issues can arise about meeting their needs. How very dare children not be in perfect health all of the time. Sigh.

I agree with this. But he still shouldn't have done PE

It appears the teacher didn't get the message.
If you complain AND keep your kid off school then, now that they do have the message, then you give them no opportunity to put it right.
Seems spiteful.

Mistakes happen, you did right by asking about it, plus you helped them stay informed. Just let them deal with it properly next time.

Stop complaining about schools. Work with them.

My son attended school with a broken arm and the teachers put measures in place.

If something like this happens again request a risk assessment for how they will manage the situation. Or go to the head.

I do not think you should have kept him off school. Complain by all means, ask if they have a policy and procedure for restricted schooling when someone has been injured, and be willing to follow the school complaints procedure if they are evasive or do not acknowledge their actions were a mistake at least.

I am starting to think posters just complain and say some is BU for the sake of it.

I love how Mumsnet is full of Doctors all of a sudden.

YANBU, I would ask for a meeting with the SLT

So staff shouldn't have breaks and the law gets broken because of this?

Imagine if a child went home and said I was stopped from going to the toilet all day and couldn't have my lunch because I was told I had to work instead through all of them. Would that parent be pissed? Why is that acceptable for adults?

Frankly if any sort of health issues arise, parents can't win. Keep them off and you get snarky letters about attendance. Send them in and issues can arise about meeting their needs. How very dare children not be in perfect health all of the time. Sigh.

How very dare the school stick to the law and allow staff to have their legal break time.

I don't remember it ever being an issue 🤷‍♀️. I mean staff have to cover breaks and lunch duties anyway. Are you suggesting staff doing that are breaking the law?