Is drink driving ever right?!

[Lillylight]

Obviously the answer is a resounding NO! I know that. Everyone knows that…..right?

So how do I process/deal with my DH after he decided to drink and drive and just about manage to park on our drive?

In-laws response: Sweep it under the carpet.

DH’s response: It was just a mistake, I didn’t get caught so let’s not discuss it anymore or more accurately AT ALL.

Me: On OUR holiday alone as he missed the flight due to sleeping it off.

"He finds it hard to stop after one."

Then he shouldn't drink any alcohol at all if he has the car with him. Alternatively, he can leave the car at home, travel by taxi and then he can drink safely.

He's an adult, does he really need this spelling out to him?

She did

They weren't helpful

So he has a known drink problem and he’s surrounded by people who minimise it and enable him? If you’re not going to do anything at least pick him up from the pub to stop him drink driving. I’d tell the police and get a divorce personally.

This would be so off-putting to me. I would look at someone in a completely different light if they did this and I don't think I would want to be with them to be honest. I think it's a real biggie.

Never ANY excuse for drink driving ..... NEVER.
As to what to do ....... make it 100% clear to hour OH that if it ever happens again you ill go to the police.... personally I would be doing so now.

When I was 16, my boyfriend and I were out on his motorbike. We were hit by an oncoming car, overtaking on a blind bend. Boyfriend was killed instantly and I lost my right leg and broke nearly every bone in my body. The car driver was drunk, after a works night out.

No. Drink driving is never acceptable.

You were posting about your husbands disgraceful behaviour in 2022.

Why the fuck are you still with him?

Honestly, I know victim blaming is never cool but what steps have you taken since he shoved you in 2022? I assume you didn't press charges as per one of your older threads?

Well it completely depends on the bigger picture if you're asking whether or not you should forgive this..
Only you know whether this is a pattern of behaviour or a one off stupid mistake he's never going to make again.
I mean from the way you've written this I'm gonna go with it's a pattern of behaviour and he's a piece of shit tbh..

My DH once drove drunk. Nust a short distance and nothing happened but its not accrptable is it. We had a discussion about it. I was confident that he regretted it and wouldn't do it again. He has never done it again. That was 10 years ago. He's not a big drinker. Very rarely drunk and when he is drunk it's like 4 beers drunk not blackout missing the next day drunk.
So for me yeah I forgave him.

But I don't think your story is like this.

Exactly. Id recommend you do the same op as how will you feel when he kills someone knowing it was in your power to do something about it?

I lived in Norway for years and there was true zero tolerance or jail, license revoked, extreme fines and no one does it there. I really wish they would do this globally because too many lives are ruined with the lax laws. Definitely understand emergency but God forbid anyone get hurt, it's too tricky and what are the limits then? I knew a girl in America who worked in a cocktail bar and had shots before leaving and the unthinkable happened so needless to say the guys family and friends lives ruined as his was taken, bless them...and hers too, she was a really kind person and was in jail for years but the lives are permanent cells. :-( so no, too much can happen is my opinion and hopefully others, too.

It’s never ok but if my OH did it and was devastated / remorseful that they had been so stupid I would forgive them (although given he’s missed a holiday due to being hungover I suspect this might not be a one time only issue with drinking)?

This is the kicker, OP.

If you accept it it will continue to happen and then if he kills himself or others, you will have that on your conscience.

I was honestly so surprised and almost impressed. I know everyone says they would leave, but the fact that she actually went through with it, even after 35 years of marriage, really made me respect her even more for the fact that she had a boundary and stuck to it. So many people would say one thing but I imagine the reality of it actually happening and facing up to leaving would make them turn a blind eye

Although given OP’s previous posts about this man I’m not sure anything any of us says will make any difference anyway

Report him. The police may not necessarily be able to do anything about it after the fact, but the longer you leave the less chance of being able to charge him (lack of CCTV etc.) but no way in hell would I sweep that under the carpet regardless. Even if they can’t get enough to charge him hopefully a visit from the police might make him take it seriously.

Is drink driving ever right? I guess in a life or death, being chased by a pack of velociraptors, maybe? But in everyday life in a town with other cars and people around, because you had one too many and still wanted to drive home- it's never right.

I hope you can enjoy your holiday without him. Or will he turn up on a later flight and make you miserable?

Please re-read this to yourself.

Is this someone you want to grow old with? He is still a child in his head.

@Lillylight So just to be clear OP, he was so drunk he could barely park the car straight on your drive, and you're now on holiday on your own because he missed his flight due to sleeping off a hangover? If I've got that right OP, YANBU.
Your comment "he finds it hard to stop after one" tells me he has a serious drink problem which needs to be addressed. His and his DPs' view that because he got away with it this time you can all just forget about it is beyond irresponsible and immature. What about next time? When he crashes the car, loses his job, kills someone, kills himself ... or possibly all of these?
This is his wake-up call OP. He needs to learn something from this and show you he's learned something from it to ensure he never does it again. It needs to be addressed as the serious matter it is and not swept under the carpet. I think you need to have a serious sit-down conversation with him about all of this as soon as is practicably possible. Ask him about the "next time" scenario - how would he feel if he killed someone in a drunken state? The other lives he would devastate by killing someone (the victim's family, you and yours). Does he want to go to prison? Does he understand what a terrifying place prison is? Do not let this go OP - it is not trivial and I know you know that.
You say the police weren't particularly helpful, but what was the purpose of your call to them? To report your DH for drunk driving, or to ask their advice?

This. Because its unforgivable and his response doubles down on it. He will do it again.

And his parents sound totally brainless. I wonder how they would feel if one them or someone they loved was run down or smashed into by a drunk driver. Would they 'sweep it under the carpet' then?

I think the missed holiday is annoying but it is what it is. I'd be pissed but would get over it.

The drink drving and his failure to acknowledge the seriousness of it is an issue. A serious issue. Only you can decide what to do about it.

He's got a drink problem, his parents are minimising it (I'm guessing at least one of them has a problem relationship with alcohol) and he missed a flight for a holiday. He's a selfish prick OP and it will only get worse. How many people do you know where they're DH had missed a holiday due to sleeping off drink? My guess is zero - this is not normal or acceptable.

I wouldn't be married to someone who drove drunk. I'd be telling him that I want a divorce.

I thought this was going to be a bit of a moral maze. I’m out camping in the highlands and have had a few drinks and there’s been an accident, can I drive until I get a phone signal….I met my boyfriend for a date in a remote pub and had a few drinks expecting to stay over, but he’s hit me, can I drive to somewhere safe.

Not he just got ratted and thought it was ok.

I would have gone mental and removed the car keys. He will do it again and .might not be so fortunate to get away with it.

Ring someone. Or tge police, for help

Hate drink drivers. But then police don’t help either. We have called them 4 times to report neighbour who drinks all day long and drives several times a day. Reported on crime stoppers and via the local police station in person and absolutely nothing has happened.

One day he will kill someone.