Is drink driving ever right?!

[Lillylight]

Obviously the answer is a resounding NO! I know that. Everyone knows that…..right?

So how do I process/deal with my DH after he decided to drink and drive and just about manage to park on our drive?

In-laws response: Sweep it under the carpet.

DH’s response: It was just a mistake, I didn’t get caught so let’s not discuss it anymore or more accurately AT ALL.

Me: On OUR holiday alone as he missed the flight due to sleeping it off.

The drink driving is a red herring, surely.

This is someone who was so irresponsible that he he got trashed the night before a family holiday, drove drunk, was too hungover to get up, and missed the flight, leaving you to go alone, and deal with the children on your own.

The drink driving is a small slice of an overall picture of being irresponsible and selfish.

This isn't the first time he's behaved in this way, is it?

With your update... id honestly be saying to him if he's not getting help by the time you are home, he better not be in the home on your return.

Surely he has paid and booked himself on the next available flight ?

Drink/drug driving is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I would instantly end the relationship/marriage, no discussions. I feel VERY strongly that it is an unforgivable act whether something bad happened or not.

You had an argument about his selfishness and he reacted by displaying this level of inexcusable selfishness???

😐

I know it is easy for all of us to be horrified and say it but your emotions must be all over the place. I would be upset, sad, angry and so disappointed.

I suspect this is the very same Husband you wrote about in Sept 2022.

So nearly 3 years later...

And not even at home!

I'd be glad he's at home and not ruining your holiday.

Does this sort of behaviour happen often? He needs to grow up.

Why? What about everyone else on the road

He sounds like he has a drink problem. Refusing to talk about it. Missing a flight...
people kill people drink driving. It's life changing serious stuff that ruins lives. He has a drink issue and is refusing to face it. Don;t let him drag you down.

@SeaShellsSanctuary1

I was enquiring if he was also risking the lives of any children they may have.

Without any thought of anyone else's children?

That is some logic

Of course there are times its ok. Your football team losing isn't one of them - doesn't even come close!

You are being unreasonable in that you stay with someone with a drink problem that they won’t address and is putting other peoples lives at risk

i assume he had arrived home before you realised which is why you didn’t phone the police on him?

What happened when you phoned the Police?

I’m sure @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon also hopes no other road users were harmed. Why are you pushing this point?

His football team lost...

Seriously? For that alone od be telling him I'm out.

Questions id be considering:
Does he have an alcohol problem?
What was his reasoning?
Does he make lots of stupid decisions and this was the last in a long list or the first?
Was there a life or death emergency?
Why continue drinking if you have the car?
Does he have problems knowing his limits?
Why choose the car? Leave it? Taxi?

I'd definitely not "sweep it under the carpet" or "shhhhh"

Football team lost... so drink driving was his answer, what a childlike approach to a potentially life changing decision.

Let go of the rope.

He’s a selfish man child, and his in laws are ridiculous for brushing it under the carpet.

Im glad you haven’t missed your holiday because of this twat.

Let him go live with his Mammy and Daddy they can deal with him

Like this matters. There will have been other people on the road.

If my husband did that one time, we'd be teetering on the edge of divorce. It would be touch and go whether we stayed together. It's incredibly unsafe and not something to be brushed under the carpet.

If he managed to pull himself back from that with a damn good explanation and a profuse (and genuine) apology, he'd not be doing it again if he wanted to keep me. It would be his one and only chance.

Your DH's response of 'I didn't get caught' would not cut it for me. He clearly doesn't see the problem with what he did.

And I wouldn't care a jot what in laws said. Their opinion is completely irrelevant. This is about your life and what is acceptable to you. You are married to someone who is happy to take needless, stupid risks with his life and the lives of others. By extension, he's not all that fussed if his actions cause the death of a child, a parent, or himself, leaving you a widow picking up the pieces. It sounds extreme, but that is what happens.

Your in laws don't get to tell you whether or not that should be OK with you.

If my DH thought the excuse "he didn't get caught" made drinking and driving OK then he wouldn't be my DH any longer.
Getting caught would be the lesser of all evils. Having an accident and maiming or killing an innocent road user or pedestrian was always a possibility. I could not live with someone who thinks that's acceptable.
Your DH clearly has a drink problem. He needs to get help. At the very least he needs to leave the car behind when he goes out drinking.

I drove twice after a drink when I was young (talking 17/18), often under peer pressure from my so-called 'friends' who didn't want to pay for a taxi home. Not an excuse at all, I know.

Over 20 years later I think back to those two occasions and shudder that I was so irresponsible and stupid, and think how lucky I was that nothing bad happened.

If my grown ass husband did this, and was subsequently so pissed he missed our holiday, I'd be calling divorce lawyers. Do you have children?

His in-laws encouraging you to brush it under the rug is a red flag as well. What other bad behaviour would they encourage you to turn a blind eye to?

Oh OP. This is so tough. We’ve all drunk too much and done something we are embarrassed about but this is so much more than that. I’m not comparing the two. Im saying I can sympathise with causing a problem.

I’m incredibly anti drink driving and would also have called the police (well done for doing that) but I don’t think I would leave after one occurrence for someone who doesn’t normally behave this way, is apologetic, is in line with me and my moral code and I’m not in a bad place with. I would expect some solid changes such as not drinking again. Ever. He cannot be trusted.

I also think it adds to the ordeal that he couldn’t make it to the plane? He must have been blotto and seems to give a nonchalant response. I’m glad you went. He could join you tomorrow?

ignore the in-laws. If they are not on the same page, they’re opinion is irrelevant.

I really hope you’re ok. It doesn’t matter what we say. It’s only what you feel that matters and I hope you’re able to work out what that is

Write to him.

DH, you don’t seem to understand the situation we are in. You were fed up for a variety of reasons so you drank to excess, drove over the limit, and missed the holiday.

If your judgement is that bad, how can you be in sole charge of our DC?

How can you think it’s ok to drive drunk? You could cause an accident and end up in prison.

How can I stay married to someone who doesn’t see what a big deal this is?

Please think about it. Please come up with a plan that will reassure me that we can save our marriage.